A New Season

We've entered a new season here in our home.

I'm not referring to spring (...although, it does *finally* feel like spring, praise the Lord!). Not summer, winter, or fall, either.

A season which I hoped would not come, at least for a while.

It's been so quiet around the blog because I have been searching, applying, and interviewing for a job outside the home. Financially, things have been just a liiiittle too tight around here for the last couple of years, and Will wanted me to find something that was more reliable and steady than my tutoring.

I've spent the last couple of months applying for several jobs - at first, hoping to find a position where I could just work evenings and weekends (so that we wouldn't need to worry about child care). When no one called back, I then inquired after a full-time teaching position at a private school in the area. My next step was going to be applying for third-shift manufacturing positions.

I was desperate to find something that would allow me to continue homeschooling the girls. I told people with my lips that I would do "whatever came along", but in my heart I was screaming "NO! NO! I will not give up homeschooling! I will not give up my dream of being a stay at home, homeschooling mom to these beautiful girls! Surely, Father, You approve of what I'm doing here! Surely, You see that this is how You want it to be! ...right?"

Over the last couple of years, God keeps challenging my convictions about being a wife, a mom, and a follower of Jesus. And He is teaching me that, although His Word is truth, He is not bound to my interpretation of how it should happen.

For instance, it is clear that He desires that a wife & mom be the manager of her home (see Titus 2 & Proverbs 31). I took that to mean that it is against His will that I would take a job outside the home. I was called out on this conviction a while ago, and I've been so resistant to asking the Lord what He thinks of it all. Hearing anything other than "Lisha, you stay home!" was not desirable for me.

Nobody called me back. For weeks. I smugly thought, "Well, shucks. Will told me to apply for a job - clearly against God's design - I did it because I had to, but no one is calling back. Guess God showed him!" and I prematurely reveled in God's clear calling that I stay put.

And then I got three phone calls in less than 24 hours.

WHAT.

An interview for a full-time job, an immediate offer of a evening-and-weekends job, and an inquiry about in-home childcare!

After talking with Will, I ended up accepting the part-time job (2-3 evenings per week and weekend hours) and I interviewed for the teaching job. I went to the interview reluctantly. Though I knew I could excel in the position, I did not wholeheartedly want it. It would mean no homeschooling; we'd likely have to enroll my daughters in the school and find child care for my youngest.

The Father and I had plenty of chats about this, and I made sure He knew that I was displeased with the possibility of working full time while other people raised my daughters.

It often went like this:
"Lord, if I get this job, it's like You're asking me to lay down everything that is important to me right now - homeschooling, discipling my daughters full-time, the extra time to minister to others! *stomps foot*"
"That's the point. Are you interested in following Me and what I have for you no matter what, like you tell everyone, or do you believe that I owe you the luxury of being home and doing all these things because you believe in Me?"

Over the next few days - before I heard the decision from the school - I began to understand that my prayer needed to stop being "Please let me get a job where I can still do everything I want to do for You", and it needed to sound more like "Father, whatever job You have for me, make it clear, and help me trust that You'll use it, even if I have to 'give up' being home and homeschooling."

I'd like to tell you that I had a major heart change and that it became so easy to follow Jesus, even if that meant He was leading me where I'd never had any intention of going. The reality is that I still struggle with being grumpy each time I have to leave for work - even though it's just part time (for now). It's hard to see past the selfishness of what I want right now and praise the Lord that I've been given an opportunity to be Will's helpmeet in a very tangible way right now, by increasing our monthly income by about 50%. We'll finally be able to pay all of our bills on time.

The reality is that Jesus asks that we always be willing to lay down everything that is important right now in order to go where He leads, no matter the personal cost. (See Matthew 8:18-22)

Even if that means that we have to go back to the Word and reassess our own 'holy' convictions. It isn't my convictions about Jesus that bring Him the most glory, it's my obedience to Jesus that brings Him the most glory.

So for now, I'll share here as I'm able - but if you want short snippets here and there about what God is doing in my heart and life, please just ask - either on my Facebook page, here in the comments below, or call me (if you have my number already). Joyfully, I will share! I long to take the time to share with you all of the lessons I'm learning from Jesus, but in this new season, blogging will be less frequent, at least until we've settled into our new 'normal' schedule.

Embracing the change in the season,
for His glory!
~Lisha

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Called out.

image source

"You say you have a conviction to be home with the girls. I don't think you do. I think when you say that, you mean you just don't want to work outside the home. In fact, I think it means you don't want to work at all....your problem is that no one is calling you out on your "conviction". You need to be called out to see if you really mean it."

Sometimes, the words that cut deepest are the ones that might have some truth to them. Sometimes, those cutting words come from those who are closest to us, whether they mean us harm or not.

Sometimes, I need to be called out and made sure that I'm sure of what and why I hold the convictions I cling to. Why do I feel the need to be home? Is it because it's easier than going out and working? Maybe. I do struggle with laziness and I don't like confrontation, so it's easier for me to be home and out of humanity's way. My kids can't fire me when I have a terrible day; they are much more likely to hug & forgive me.

I'd like to think it's more noble than that; that I am called to be home with my daughters because the Lord of glory determined it from the get-go - but I'm often met with 'yeah, that's everyone's excuse: God wants them to. and you can find a verse or two to back yourself up" when I say that.

So now, it's time to reassess what I have come to believe about a mother and a wife...back to the Word I go. Lord, should the truth be laziness, reveal it to me plainly and cause me to turn my back on it by doing what You need me to do to be the wife You've called me to be.

Have you ever been 'called out' to examine why you believe what you do?

for Your glory, Jesus,
call me out into Your truth,
~Lisha

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Top Ten Posts of 2013!

Here are the top ten most-read posts of 2013. If you have liked, shared, commented on, or pinned any of these best-loved posts, I am grateful! Thank you!

#10 - Haven or Hollywood? (Pin it!)

#09 - How to Deal with the Fools in Your Life! (Pin it!)

#08 - Our Afternoon Routine (Pin it!)

#07 - Take cover! (Pin it!)

#06 - Confession of a messy mom. (Pin it!)

#05 - Unfulfilled Dreams? (Pin it!)

#04 - You just don't understand! (Pin it!)

#03 - Teaching children to sit through church (Pin it!)

#02 - No wonder she's not listening (Pin it!)

and the most-read, best-loved post of 2013...

#01 - Our Morning Routine (Pin it!)

Thank you all! I am waiting with great expectation for the lessons the Lord has for me to learn & share in 2014!

Writing as He moves me,

for His glory!

~Lisha

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You just don't understand!

Photos from E's surgery 11/2012

A phone call came today.

It was supposed to bring relief and hope. Confirmation of good news and the fresh start for my daughter.

...but in just a few seconds, it deflated my spirit. It was not the news we had hoped for. I wept bitterly and had to run to my bedroom at the back of the house so the girls wouldn't see me clench my fists while my tears rolled off of my cheeks. And before I knew it, these words escaped out from under my breath:

God...You...just...don't...understand. We have walked through so much this year. These past few years. I was led to believe that this phone call would bring a break. A chance to breathe a little. 

And I cried. While the girls were oblivious and contentedly playing the piano in the den, I cried. Then, when I'd thrown my pity party, I sat quietly.

Then came a firm but gentle reminder:

You can say a great many things in times of discouragement and trouble, My child, but you may not say that I do not understand what you are going through.

And a long silence. The sting of conviction. The shock of what just was spoken in haste. The terror of accusing God that He is not compassionate or wise.


A confession: I know, Lord. Forgive me.


He does understand. Oh, He understands exactly. He understands even better than I do. Because He's been with me for all of it. He brought to mind a flood of verses:

Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
{Hebrews 4:14-16}

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
{Psalm 23:4}

Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord God—my God—will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord...
{1 Chronicles 28:20}

Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
{Isaiah 41:10}

“Because he has set his love upon Me,
therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him,
and show him My salvation.”
{Psalm 91:14-16}

*This was this morning's reading with my daughters.
Before I knew what the day would bring*
Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
{Matthew 6:25-33}

...and this song. He asked me to cry out, that He would be my hiding place. Not to run from Him in confusion, but run to Him and find shelter in His love and protection. So that I can teach my little girls to do the same as this path unfolds before us.

Last week, I shared a bit of my current bout of spiritual apathy, and then Sunday I shared how God had kindled hope in my soul and sparked feeling in my heart once more. Today, He has me back in a familiar place: totally dependent, desperate to know Him more and cling to Him. It's not wrapped in the sparkly gift bag of joy and happiness that I wished for, but He has given me a merciful gift by rousing me suddenly from my I-don't-care attitude.

My little girl has a longer road on this journey than we thought. And His grace, which has sustained us thus far, will continue. This moment, tomorrow, and forever. Even when I am so quick to forget and go into panic mode.

So, if you need us anytime soon, we'll be in hiding. Under the shadow of the Almighty. If you are going through a hard time right now, you should come hide, too.

Hiding in Him tonight,
for His glory!
~Lisha

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When I just don't care

Have you ever been in a place where you feel apathetic to what God is doing in your life, or what He's trying to do in your life? I'm there. now.

It started with a desperate plea. "Jesus. Whatever You do, please don't let go of me. Just. don't. let. go. I'm prone to walk away from You. Don't let me do that." <---me, last January, after a few rough months.

And it dwindled to "Jesus. Whatever You do, please keep not-letting-go of me. Just. don't. let. go. I'm empty. Not growing, just barely surviving. And that doesn't really bother me right now. Please, don't let me do anything to dishonor You." <---me, a couple of weeks ago, after things just kept going from bad to worse after those few rough months.

2013 has gone down in the books as an agonizingly difficult year for my heart.

For a number of reasons. It doesn't matter terribly what they are. What matters is, what do I do when I am apathetic to whether or not I'm growing spiritually? Because right now, I don't care.

There have been times when I've been angry. frustrated. doubtful. worried. and at least I can say that I felt something during those days...but right now, there is nothing feely going on in my heart, as far as my relationship with the Lord goes. It's like a vacuum. I know it shouldn't be that way, and I know I don't want it to be that way. But I can't seem to break free of it, just yet.

As I'm slogging through my apathy, I've found that God has provided these boundaries for me as He is faithfully answering my prayer to not let go of me:

*Read anyway.*

Over the past couple of weeks, I do not feel like getting up and reading my Bible - in the morning or really at any time. I don't. I'd rather sleep in, or check to see if I have any new comments or messages or pins...anything else. But I get up, and read at least one verse from somewhere in the Bible. Psalm 13 is a favorite passage. If I can, I read whatever I choose out loud to the girls while they eat breakfast. It sort of keeps me accountable (because if I miss it - they notice).

My head knows lots of Scriptures. I know His promises and His admonitions. But that doesn't mean I can limp along on just what I've read before...He bids me to remind myself every day.

And somedays, I read and think "meh. I've read that before." But just maintaining the habit of reading will bear fruit. And I don't know if one simple verse will be the verse that He uses to spring my heart back to growing. He said that His Word will not return to Him void.

*Pray anyway.*

One of the most frustrating parts of praying is that I pray, and pray, and pray, and pray, and pray, and pray, and....................

I feel like I'm talking to a wall because I don't see anything happening.

But He reminds me often - through my children saying "oh, but Mom, we need to pray", or by the verses I've hung up around the house - that He desires that I persevere in prayer. And, He can handle my honesty - my doubts, my frustration, my questions, my ugliest thoughts, and my confession of total disinterest right now. The truth is that He is a loving Father, and He wants to hear what's on my heart.

...but I do need to remember that while He is a loving God, He is a holy God and I need to share those things with reverence. Even though I don't feel that He's working, the truth is that He is, and He is sovereign.

And when I'm done pouring out my sorrows and hurts, I need to listen. That's part of prayer, too.

*Teach anyway.*

Every morning, we have Bible time and prayer & praise time. Even though I'm so tempted to let this slide and just let them pop in a movie while I have my coffee alone, God reminds me every morning that whether or not I want to, I have a responsibility to the girls to teach them the truths of God. So I use an excellent children's devotional (Leading Little Ones to God), and I pretty much just read straight out of it, along with a verse or two.

Teaching doesn't have to be formal, either. My girls have gotten more of a lesson than I will ever know on what it looks like for a woman to walk through a difficult time. And in spite of me, God is working on their hearts. I must continue to speak the truth into their lives even when I'm struggling to live it out.

{A note. There is a marked difference between a mom who demands one thing of her children and lives by an entirely different example, and a mom who strives alongside her children with gentle honesty, each falling at times and helping one another through the hard seasons.}

There are times when my girls would see me crying, and ask what was wrong, and I would pull them up into my lap and read a Psalm out loud to them. And I would spend time explaining that Mommy's heart is sad, and that God says that is okay and He listens, but that I still need to remember that He's good to me all of the time. They know I don't measure up - and they see me get up again and again by His grace and in His strength alone. Right now, I feel down for the count, and the girls have been sweet to use the verses and songs they know to help me. Teach anyway.

*Sing anyway.*

Right now, there are few praise songs that I want to sing. But it doesn't make their message less true. I have a short list of songs that gently help me to thank God for His patience with and love for me even in these barren times. Here is one that I have listened to every day for weeks:

"Though You Slay Me"

Shane & Shane ft. John Piper

*Fellowship anyway.*

Proverbs 18:1 says that a man who isolates himself seeks his own desire and rages against all wise judgment.

Whoa. That seems pretty harsh to me. Especially right now, because most days I'm content to be home and not bother people.

To cut myself off from other people who could encourage, build up, listen, or pray for me would be foolish. And God has provided people who check in, who call, who pray, who seem to not tire of asking me how I'm doing - and they really, actually, truly want to know the honest answer. They aren't scared off by my "meh"-ness, or by tears of frustration with myself...because many of those He's put in my path have been there and can remind me that this is just a season.

In Exodus 17, Moses is standing on a hill while the Israelites are fighting a battle. As long as his hands are lifted in the air, Israel is victorious; when he lowers his arms, the enemy starts gaining the upper hand. After a while, his arms are feeling understandably heavy - and two men come alongside him and hold up his arms, that the battle might be won by Israel. I tear up now, even thinking about that story, because it is the picture God gives me when a friend calls me up just to ask how I'm doing, or when a lady from church stops by with dinner 'just because', or when my parents, brother, or close friends let me know that they are here. They are lifting up my arms toward heaven until this battle is over and I am rejuvenated in my spirit.

It is necessary that when I want to cut myself off from others, I remember that interaction with others is important. Not only for my encouragement, but to help me get my mind out of my own pity-party and focus on the needs and struggles of people I know. This journey He's called me to, with the events of the year, is not only about me. It's about how He is working through my life to make much of His might, love, and patience.

*Obey anyway*

This is probably the most difficult one right now.

Obedience is not based on my circumstances. Even when I don't care about my own spiritual growth, it is vital that I obey the words of my Lord.

In fact, if the Bible is only obeyed when times are good and I'm feeling in tune with God - then it is not, in fact, obedience. Choosing to obey in spite of how I feel (or don't feel, in this case) is sometimes a hard choice. No, I don't feel like being kind. No, I don't feel like hoping all things. No, I don't feel like giving thanks in all circumstances.

But He wants obedience.

And He gives me the fortitude to obey; and when I choose to disobey (which is too often), He gives me extravagant grace when I come back and confess that I messed up.

...All of this doesn't mean that I never have moments of genuine feeling. Oh, I do - on both ends of the spectrum!! It just means that in general, I'm having a rough time right now. When I post verses, songs, thoughts, etc, it's because they've stirred my heart and I need to share that. I realize that to some, doing all these things anyway when I don't feel it could seem cold and calculated, but it's really an act of trust. I believe that as I press on in spite of being stagnant that there will come a time of tenderheartedness and rejoicing before the Lord. I'm not there yet.

Apathy stinks. But I am grateful that I can stand on the rock of God's Word and not on the shifting sand of my own experiences & (lack of) feelings. This is just a season; it will pass. He will provide the strength to press on. But it in meantime, Jesus, please keep holding me close to You.

Following Him anyway,
for His glory!
~Lisha

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Unfulfilled dreams?

Photo credit: Molly Viglione Photography 2013
Sometimes I feel like a few of my big dreams have gone unfufilled,

but then I remember that God is not limited to my dreams for me.

Something that I've been wrestling is this:
would God give me a dream - a desire of my heart -  that He does not intend to fulfill?!

It's easy to run to a verse like Psalm 37:4 where it says 'He will give you the desires of your heart'. The old "build your theology around and hang your hopes on a single verse" - which is always, always a bad idea. Always. The idea that God is bound to give me whatever my little heart desires is just not in line with all the rest of Scripture. (Remember, Scripture also says the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked above all things {Jeremiah 17:9}...so how do those two verses mesh?)

Without reading the verses around it, or taking in the whole counsel of God, I'd feel kind of iffy about God's ability to keep His Word, because truth be told, I have unfulfilled dreams in my heart.

At least, on the surface, I think I do. For example-

I want to be loved. I mean, LOVED!, by my husband. In the way that Christ loved His church and gave Himself up for her. I want to feel cherished, treasured, defended, taken care of, and valued - every day, all the time! But marriage has difficult seasons, and some days are just no-good and terrible. There have been years of our marriage when we have both felt lonely & empty for a myriad of reasons. It's not what either of us had dreamed up when we said we do for better or worse. But what about that longing to be loved? Has God forgotten about my heart?

Since I was in 4th grade, I've wanted to be a teacher. A middle school math teacher - yes, you saw that correctly. I am crazy, and I did write middle school math teacher. :) I taught in an excellent school for just 2 years before our oldest daughter was born. I have not regretted a day of being home with my daughters, but I often wish that I could have some way to connect with middle school students and impact their lives somehow in a school-type setting. God gave me the ability to teach - did He put me on the shelf when I started having children?

And I'd love to have a home full to bursting with little ones. Before Elizabeth was even thought of, I had a list of 14 names (first & middle) that I knew I just had to use some day. We've got three amazingly beautiful daughters, and one baby that we never really got to know. For now, three is just right; my days are full and resources seem limited with the ones we have - but I can't help the disappointment each month that comes when I realize that there will not be another little one, at least this time around. After almost a decade of being married, I'd hoped by now to have 5 or 6 sweet ones to kiss and squeeze and sing to and love on. God says over and over that children are a blessing, and I'm willing to receive as many as He'll give...why isn't He taking me up on that?

I've been praying for these dreams to come true for years. and that feels like a long time to wait!!

I was driving home from grocery shopping (alone) the other night and taking the opportunity to ask the Lord why, if He'd given me these desires, He wasn't fulfilling them. The desires I have are good ones, so how come my life doesn't look the way I think it should?!

My daughter, He started, you're not seeing everything the way I see it.

If you felt loved and secure all of the time by your husband, you wouldn't need to seek Me and My heart for you. You wouldn't depend on and abide in My love for you. I fulfill your desire to be loved when you spend time with Me and let Me remind you how precious you are. Don't look to man to love you - look to Me. And you'll be able to love him generously out of the overflow of My love, no matter what the years bring.

You are a teacher. I've given you three little girls who will one day be young ladies and they are learning from you, day in and day out. All those years of formal training were for a purpose. And I've placed you in a church with a thriving middle & high school outreach! I've given you the best of both worlds - you don't have to fill out report cards or attend staff meetings AND you get to impact the young ladies you love by speaking into their lives and taking them out for breakfast. And what about tutoring? I've given you that outlet so you can help them with math - while working from home.

And what's this talk about wanting more children? I've given you four - which is an infinite treasure!  If I never bless you with another, you have riches untold already. And how do you know I'm never going to call you to adopt, or foster, or carry another little one? There's still time! But not now, my dear. And what about all of the young ladies in your life whom you love like daughters? Just because they don't live under your roof doesn't mean you can't love them, too. 

Sometimes, He fulfills our dreams quite plainly for us. Or He may do it in a roundabout way {as we see it, anyway}. And then there are the times when He doesn't, because His purpose in not fulfilling that heart's desire is so that we'll remember that He should be the desire & delight of our hearts.

He keeps sending me back to Psalm 37:

Trust in the Lord, and do good;

dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

Delight yourself also in the Lord,

and He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord,

trust also in Him,

and He shall bring it to pass.

{Psalm 37:3-5}

When I'm about the business of first trusting Him, then feeding on His faithfulness, and then delighting myself in Him alone...then He gives me the desires of my heart because my heart will be in line with His! And where there's a desire that seems to be forgotten, I can rest in the truth that He knows precisely what He's doing. For my good, and for His glory...{see Romans 8:28}

Learning to delight in Him
and rest in His plan,
for His glory!
~Lisha

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Spending money, spending time

When I pay $2.50 for my favorite Dunkin Donuts treat, what does it cost?

Simply $2.50? No.

My husband works for an hourly wage. Let's pretend (for the sake of easy math) that he makes $10.00/hour. He works hard to earn for his family, and when I spend $2.50 for a coffee I must remember this:

he had to work 15 minutes to make enough to pay for that coffee.

And that's before taxes, tithe, etc.

So realistically, it's probably more like 25 minutes.

Image: ksoo.com

....is my coffee worth it, when I think about it that way? Or is my husband's time worth more to me than that?

God has been pressing this into my heart every time I think "Hey, I could use a ______ [coffee, meal out, other frivolous things]!" {Which happens a lot.}We are not in a season where money is abundant. It's super tight, each month. So I am not really at liberty to be essentially wasting my husband's time by spending his hard-earned money on things we don't need.

Does that mean we shouldn't try to budget for a 'date night', or fun family activities, or fun treats once in a while? ...well, no. But it does mean that I can strive as the manager of this home and as the overseer of the household budget to honor my husband by being prudent & creative with how we choose to spend the money he works hard to bring home.

I think know that my spending habits early on in our marriage would have been dramatically different if I'd thought of purchases in terms of how long Will had to work in order for me to be able to buy them. A $5.00 candle seems inexpensive until I realize that it means Will had to spend half an hour working to earn it. For $40 in clothing, or decorations, or fun fabrics - that's half a day's work for Will {assuming the $10/hr model}! I need to make sure those are real needs (and make sure Will & I agree) before spending that money.

I do contribute to the household budget in various ways - tutoring, child care, sewing projects for others, etc - and I realize that thinking of it in terms of "Will's money" or "my money" is not entirely accurate. Ultimately, our income totally belongs to the Lord (every penny!), and because we're married that means our finances are a team effort. But in our situation, my husband is the one earning most of the income, and one way I can show him respect is by doing my best to manage the income well. It communicates to him that not only am I thankful for the money coming in, but I respect the time he puts in each week that makes that income possible.

I share this because it's been so much on the forefront of my thoughts over the past few weeks! There is obviously so much more to budgeting and money matters that I don't touch on here, but I hope this will be helpful. Truly the heart of this matter is 'Am I content?' ...for me, it's too often 'no'. Wasting my time thinking about '...but that would be so nice to have!' means I'm not truly content in the Lord Jesus and where He's got me right now. It has become an exercise in choosing gratefulness & contentment.

Spending our resources,
for His glory!
~Lisha

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Haven or Hollywood?

Is your home more like a heavenly haven or Hollywood? Does your vision for your home include being a place of rest & caring for people, or merely entertaining them with dazzling decorative & culinary skills?

Entertaining says "Hi! I'm glad you came! Look at the tasty food I've prepared for you. Look at the way I can decorate. Look at my house. Look at how beautiful my life is. Come in, and compliment me on all of these things."

image: shutterstock

Hospitality says "Come on in. Put your feet up. Would you like a cup of tea? How have you been? Can I pray for you? Let me be an encouragement however I can. Your heart is precious to the Lord, and it delights me to help you remember that!"

I'm a people-pleaser. And I am an approval-seeker. For so long, I wanted to entertain people. To give them something to oooh and aaaah about when they came to my home. And, early on in our marriage, I sometimes did not invite people in if the house was not clean...I wasn't as concerned with hearts as I was with what they thought of my home. What a shame!

Does it mean that fancy dinner parties and planned get-togethers are wrong? No! Does it mean that we should sit around chatting and sipping tea with other ladies all day, every day? ...no! It means that you & I need to earnestly seek the Lord & His word daily and have a heart and a schedule that are flexible and willing to minister with an others-focus when He asks. And, as I'm learning right now, that my first priority is to be hospitable to my own family. To make sure that I am speaking (with words & actions) to my husband "Come on in! Put your feet up! Tell me about your day...." rather than, "Hi! Glad you're home! Did you see all the hard work I did today? Look at how hard I'm working to clean well." To make sure that my children feel that home is a haven, and that I delight in reminding them often that their hearts and needs and struggles are precious to the Lord.

It means that whether we're inviting people in to our houses or out to breakfast, visiting family or vacationing abroad, chatting on the phone or chipping in to help in our community, you & I need to be in constant communion with the Father, asking Him to reveal how to have a love for each person He puts in our paths.

If believers stopped entertaining and started administering true, biblical, radical hospitality in their homes, workplaces, and communities - oh! Think of the hearts and lives that could be healed and the hope that would be kindled, because of the love of Jesus having priority over making ourselves look good!

Here are some of the resources that radically altered my idea of what "Christian hospitality" should look like:

Strategic Hospitality - sermon by John Piper
Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Mains
My Heart's at Home by Jill Savage
"Ever Met an Angel?" - article by John MacArthur

God is teaching me how to make sure my heart & home are a haven for His love. What has He been showing you in this area?

Embracing hospitality,
for His glory!
~Lisha

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Two Big and Really Important Things

Two Big and Really Important Things that I needed to confront head-on today:

#1) I will let people down. No matter what you think of me, or how much you love me (or don't). I have before, and I will again. Too many times to count.

My temper will be short at a time when you need encouragement.
I will break a promise.
My words will shatter your day.
A decision I make, no matter how much prayer and thought I put into it, will leave you baffled or bewildered.
I will forget about plans I made with you.
My bad day will spill over into your world and dampen it.

Why? '...all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.' [Romans 3:23]. I am included in that 'all'.

A corollary to Big and Really Important Thing #1: People will let me down sometimes. For some or all of the above reasons.

#2) God will not let you down. No matter what you think of Him, or how much you love Him (or don't). He has never, nor will He. His record is impeccable.

He is patient and ready with a loving word. {Psalm 145:8, Zephaniah 3:17}
He never breaks His promises. Not one. {Deuteronomy 7:9, Daniel 9:4}
His Words are meant to help you grow in truth & grace. Sometimes they sting a bit, but it's always for your good. {John 17:17, 2 Peter 3:18, Proverbs 27:6}
His decision will also sometimes leave you baffled and bewildered, but because He is totally trustworthy, you can stand fast on the fact that it's the best decision. {Isaiah 55:8-9}
He never forgets His plans for you. And His plans are perfect. {Jeremiah 29:11, Psalm 139:13-16}
He doesn't ask you to bear the brunt of all of the sorrow He carries. {Matthew 11:28-30}

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There has been an overwhelming sense of relief in remembering those two truths today. The people-pleaser in me cringes at the thought that I have disappointed others so; and sometimes I wallow in bitterness when others let me down; the reality I need to cling to is that I do disappoint, and so do those I love. But God never fails nor forsakes! And that is why it is SO crucial that I place my trust in God alone, and invite others to do the same by the way I live.

When you let me down - know that my job is not to judge or condemn, it's to forgive liberally and point you to Jesus. Don't let fear keep you away from me.
When I let you down - please, please pray that God would move my heart to confess any sin and seek forgiveness. And please, with grace & mercy, let me know. You are not letting me down when you encourage me to be more like Jesus.
And when all the letting down is done, we can rejoice together that God has not let either of us down. Nor will He. Ever.

Rejoicing that God never fails,
even when I do,
for His glory!
~Lisha

I may be sharing this post at the following Link-up parties!

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Intimidation.

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(scene from The Little Giants)

"...has it occurred to you that you are...well,

...a little intimidating?

I mean, that maybe when other people look at you, they see that you've set the bar so high for yourself that we all assume that you set the bar that high for us too - even if you don't think you do? And that some people feel inadequate just being around you, or when they see your online posts, or when you're teaching..."

The Lord knows that I'm in a time of my life when I need to hear hard things. I've had conversations where something like the above comment was mentioned FIVE times in the last couple months - which means God is trying a message through!! And He has been faithful to put in my path a women who are faithful to speak those hard things. In love, because they care. He has also given me the gift of Will, who knows me better than anyone else, and is openly honest with me about my weaknesses.

When it comes to my own heart and my relationship with the Lord - I want perfection. I want excellence all of the time. I want to be a beautiful ambassador for Jesus.

I have been so full of pride. I have faltered while thinking I'm okay.

One of the proverbs that utterly. terrifies. me. is 25:26:
A righteous man who falters before the wicked is like a murky spring and a polluted well.

Do you know what happens when people try to find refreshment by drinking from a murky spring or polluted well?! Disease! Maybe even death! They end up sicker and weaker than when they began!

I cannot describe to you the deep-down terror I feel at the idea that someone would come to me for encouragement, or examine my life to see what Jesus is all about, and go away from me spiritually weaker than when they began. I want my life, my heart, my words, my actions, my motives to be a neon sign that points straight to Jesus Christ and His mercy and love and patience and might - always. And because of that, I don't graciously tolerate less than perfection from myself, as it pertains to my journey with the Lord.

The strife comes when I project that desire for "perfect" onto other people. Like my husband, or daughters, or fellow moms, or other brothers & sisters in the Lord, or ...anyone. There is pain, discord, and broken fellowship when I hold them to the standard that only Jesus Christ can attain!

People let people down. I let people down every single day (mainly, Will & the girls, because they are who I spend most of my time with!). It's what people do! I have been so foolish to expect & require perfection from everyone around me and myself. For years, I have been breaking hearts and driving the people I love the most AWAY from the Savior, because I inadvertently expected them to look exactly like Him when really I expected that I should look exactly like Him.

God is showing me (because I'm finally willing to see!!) that there is a huge difference between:
1) expecting/demanding consistent excellence from myself and others, and
2) striving toward becoming excellent in those areas where Jesus has called me while gently guiding and encouraging others to also strive toward excellence in those areas where Jesus has called them.

For instance:
Doing these things

• demanding my daughters have a perfectly clean room, flawless manners, and impeccably sweet attitudes all of the time only teaches my daughters that it's the outward appearance that matters.
• expecting myself to be able to maintain a perfectly clean home every single day only leave me feeling guilty and overwhelmed by my struggle with laziness - and may compel me to only worry about the surface cleaning - taking shortcuts to make sure everything looks okay at a first glance.
• requiring that my husband should always be completely loving - patience, kind, not arrogant, not rude, never failing - teaches him that I think he's a failure because he can't do what only Jesus can do.

...kills joy, love, peace, patience...you name it. No wonder I'm a drag to be around! Ugh!

But this approach

• extending grace to my girls when their room is not clean - maybe giving appropriate consequences when they trash the place but understanding that they are girls and they love to play with each other (and what a huge blessing that is!), or reminding them as many times as necessary to say thank you/please/excuse me/etc because love is kind, or remembering that even I don't have an impeccably sweet attitude all of the time and showing them what repentance looks like when I don't...that teaches them that the Lord cares about their hearts and how they treat others.
• giving myself grace when the dishes are still in the sink or the laundry is still in the washer, and just getting up every morning and trying for one. more. day. to battle the desire to be lazy, knowing that each small victory is a step toward excellence.
• encouraging Will to look to Jesus as the example while pouring grace and mercy all over his heart when he gets distracted...

fosters life - abundant life in Christ! - and growth in the Spirit.

Oh, Lord, I'm so slow, but I'm learning. I'm so sorry that I resisted Your way of grace for so long, to Will's grief and the girls' frustration, and to the hurt of my friends & family. Help me to let go of my deadly grip on intimidating perfection & my own excellence, and to lean hard on Your grace, Your compassion, and Your excellence. It's not my perfection in You that draws people; it's You loving me patiently in my imperfection that is most beautiful.

Seeking His excellence,

for His glory!

~Lisha

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If

Amy Carmichael was a Irish lady who spent 55 years of her life ministering to the children & women of India at the Dohnavur Fellowship which she founded in 1901. I love to read about her life and read her books & poetry.

One of my favorite pieces is a collection of brief thoughts & poems titled "If." They challenge my heart afresh, each time I read them. I'm sharing a few that really spoke to my heart this evening, in this season of my life. There are so many areas of my life where I 'know nothing of Calvary love'! Do you find yourself in any of these?

If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another;

if I can in any way slight another in conversation,

or even in thought,

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

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If I take offence easily;

if I am content to continue in cold unfriendliness,

though friendship be possible,

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I belittle those whom I am called to serve,

talk of their weak points in contrast

perhaps with what I think of as my strong points;

if I adopt a superior attitude,

forgetting "Who made thee to differ?

and what hast thou that thou hast not received?"

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If a sudden jar can cause me

to speak an impatient, unloving word,

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill

even one drop of bitter water,

however suddenly jolted.

If the ultimate, the hardest, cannot be asked of me;

if my fellows hesitate to ask it

and turn to someone else,

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

When an answer I did not expect

comes to a prayer which I believed I truly meant,

I shrink back from it;

if the burden my Lord asks me to bear

be not the burden of my heart's choice, 

and I fret inwardly and do not welcome His will,

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can easily discuss

the shortcomings and the sins of any;

if I can speak in a casual way

even of a child's misdoings,

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am afraid to speak the truth lest I lose affection,

or lest the one concerned should say,

"You do not understand",

or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness;

if I put my own good name

before the other's highest good,

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I feel bitter toward those who condemn me,
as it seems to me, unjustly,
forgetting that if they knew me as I know myself
they would condemn me much more,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.
[Amy Carmichael]

Desperate to know ever more of Calvary love,
for His glory!
~Lisha

I'm sharing this post at Growing Home, Titus 2sday, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Raising Homemakers, Hope in Every Season, & I Choose Joy!

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Lessons from a crummy morning.

How I Planned For This Morning To Go:
-Wake up earlier than the girls & get ready
-Quiet time (Bible reading, prayer time)
-Make the girls breakfast, and wake them up to the smell of eggs & sausage
-Bible lesson with the girls about how God always takes care of us
-Morning chores with the girls
-Get the girls showered & dressed
-Little bit of school work - reading out loud & math (they love doing school. every day!)
-Help E with her flush procedure

How It Really Went Down:
-Woke up to H crying loudly, and A&E crying because H was crying
-Made breakfast for the girls (dry cereal)
-Watched H have a meltdown in her seat because she didn't want that for breakfast and "I'm not thankful" (said after prayer). Removed H from seat and did not allow her to join us at the table until she stopped screaming and was in a more grateful mood (which did not happen for a little while!).
-Bible time & prayer with a squirming H in my lap while bigger girls finish breakfast
-Bible lesson with the girls about how God always takes care of us
-A announcing that she feels like she's going to (.....takes off for the bathroom) ...throw up.
-Try to soothe A, who is lying on the bathroom floor and crying because her belly hurts
-E, while I was taking care of A, got out some construction paper and scissors and starting being creative alllllllll over the living room by cutting up said paper into hundreds of tiny little pieces, and then
-H getting hold of said scissors and cutting up stickers, papers, and lots of other fun stuff.
-Forget you, morning chores.

When I'm able to prepare for and order my mornings before I go to bed the previous evening, I feel like I've got this homemaker/mom thing DOWN.

And when my plan is blown 5 minutes into the morning, it's easy to believe the lie that I am the WORST, most ill-prepared and ill-equipped woman on the planet who ever bore children. Especially when I immediately give in to the grumpy attitude that rises up when I realize things are not going my way.

Sometimes, junky mornings happen. Way more often than I care to admit. But I'm learning - slowly, but surely - that junky mornings are a FANTASTIC lesson for my girls in how to:

1) stop what I am doing, and pray;
2) confess that my grumpiness is from my selfish belief that things need to go the way I plan;
3) remind myself that I can plan my day all I want, but ultimately I have no control over how things turn out;
4) choose gratitude and joy even as the day is not going as I planned.

I received a chance to practice patience this morning (I blew it, though, so then I received a chance to ask for forgiveness and show my girls what it looks like to screw up, confess, and trust God's forgiveness!). If things had gone my way, I wouldn't have needed to be patient. I also received a chance to snuggle H when she was sad, and rub A's back while she was being sick, and I got to watch E's tender heart toward her sisters when she fetched H's blankie and brought A a cup of water - both without being asked. All things I would have missed it my idea for a smooth morning had been carried out.

Thank You, Lord, for mornings that don't go as planned. Keep my heart soft always toward the lessons You have for the girls & I when Your plan differs from mine.

Trusting God's plan for my day is better than mine,
for His glory!
~Lisha

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sin. repent. repeat. (or: a brief update)

It's been a while since I've been able or have even wanted to sit here and write.

The Lord God Almighty has been faithful to our family, even as we have been so unfaithful to Him. And He has carried us for the last couple of weeks months years.

For those who are unaware, our oldest daughter had surgery in late November (see I did not sign up for this part! for the details). And 3 days later, we moved into a new home.

...December was a rough month for us, as E healed. So slowly. There were lots of rough days. I'll spare you the details, because if you've ever known anyone who had any kind of major surgery, you probably know the details. Will left his job the week before Christmas because he was offered a new job (which did not start until the first week of January).

Amidst the visible changes in my life, there is a much more intense change below the smiley surface. God is confronting and convicting me in a big way about my priorities.

and how i am not the believer that i think i am.
that i am not the believer that most people believe that i am.

and that is draining. and painful. and embarrassing.

it means getting up every morning and starting my day with my nose and my heart in the Word, begging Jesus to somehow give me the presence of mind for every moment of the day to choose what glorifies Him the most because that's not my default setting. even though I want to pretend that it is.

and it means that when i do not do what glorifies Him the most, that i weep, repent and ask Him for the forgiveness that knows no depth. and for the grace to choose better next time. both of which He joyfully extends.

and repeat

over (being snappy in my speech)
and
over (not giving my full attention to will when he's talking)
and
over (asking abby to bring me something that i forgot because i'm too lazy to get up)
and
over (shouting at hannah because she did something that annoys me even though it's not sinful)
and
over (wasting those five minutes 'just checking facebook real quick!' when i know i should be making lunch or supervising the girls' schooling)

until i crawl into bed, to thank Jesus with weary lips that His mercies will come new with the sunrise and that i'll get another chance to choose worship over worry and mercy over meanness and family over facebook.

not yet like Jesus,
but someday i will be-
for His glory
~lisha

I may be sharing this post at these Link-up parties.

I trust you so much, but...

The surgery went well. E peacefully drifted off to sleep with Will by her side and she woke up with both of us right there. Her first words upon waking were "...I liked that." I asked "what did you like?" "...the surgery." Thank You, Lord, for sweet and funny answers to the prayers of our hearts.

image of a cecostomy port from wikipedia

We were in the hospital for the remainder of Friday and most of Saturday. The doctor was concerned about a few things and spoke of keeping us for an extra night. There was a lot of vomiting and other stuff (I'll spare you the details!) - it was a rough time for all of us. But E, through most of it, had a great attitude. Thanking the nurses, apologizing for screaming, being patient when the answers were not what she wanted to hear. I know she was a blessing to the nurses, housekeeping & food service staff, and to the doctors from the OR. 

Tonight was the first night that we had to flush her system out by hooking her up to the IV bag at home. The cecostomy site is still quite sore and there was a lot of screaming and crying. (Will has been amazingly patient and just incredible in his care of E. I am so thankful!)

Toward the end, when we were getting ready to change her back into a new diaper and get her ready for bed, and Will needed to remove some of the gauze from her wound, she said to him "Daddy? I trust you so much, but this really hurts." 

Well, if my own 6-year-old didn't just express the depths of my heart in ten quick words.

My Heavenly Father loves me fiercely. And sometimes, the things that are best for me are not fun or comfortable; sometimes they are painful. But He bids me to run to Him with my fears and problems and doubts and failings because He knows what's best and how to care for me when I'm afraid and sad. And the same way that E's body will be made stronger on the other side of the pain, so my Father knows my soul & character will be made more like Jesus when I've walked this journey alongside Will & E!

Daddy? I trust you so much, but this really hurts. 

Praise God for the way He speaks so poignantly through the lips of little ones.
How has He spoken to your heart through your children?

Trusting,

(and so grateful for E),

for His glory!

~Lisha

I'm sharing this post over at these great link-up parties!

10...9...8...7...

10 days till E's surgery.

13 days till we move.

I cannot tell you, friend, how thankful I am that in God's timing the cecostomy and the move are happening within 3 days of each other. It leaves me no time to sit around and mull over all of the "what ifs" that I was anxious about weeks ago.

I am physically spent. For three weeks now I have been packing, cleaning, and moving stuff around as much as I can during the day (while still caring for the girls, one of whom likes to unpack and unclean as I try to pack and clean!), and then packing and cleaning still into the wee hours of the mornings. [Will has been so sweet to let me sleep in most mornings for a couple extra hours while he gets the girls up & fed!] My hope is to be done packing and done with the cleaning a couple of days before leaving for the hospital so that when we get back, all that's left is to load up the van and any other vehicles and move.

For those who have been praying, thank you.

Thank you!

I have had a few days lately where I can feel that I'm being carried to the throne of grace. To be reminded that it's His strength I lean on and not mine, and that He is holding me up in answer to the prayers of others is very humbling and encouraging!

Please continue to pray!
-for the doctors, that their hands would be steady & sure and that the diagnosis & treatment are exactly what E needs. for the nurses, for wisdom, clarity, & energy as they tend to E and the other sweet kids on the children's floor.
-for us, that we would not fear nor give a moment's worry about our daughter. because the King of the universe has her in His mighty & tender hand.
-for the needs that come with moving, and a blessing over the people who will be taking time out of their lives to help us.
-for patience and joy and kindness toward the girls and each other in this season of big changes!

The countdown is on,
and His timing is perfect,
for His glory!
~Lisha :)

A Thankful November - 2012

Dear ones,

For the last few years, as November rolls around I take some time every day to pick a few things to be thankful for. Some days it's a whole mess of things. Some days, it's one overarching theme.

I do it because the Lord reminds me throughout Scripture to be thankful. To cultivate a heart of gratitude. Toward Him, because He 'has dealt bountifully with my soul' [Psalm 13]!! There is no area of my life where I cannot find something to praise God for!!

I invite you, friend, to join me on this month-long exercise in thankfulness. Whether or not you worship God - there is still much to be thankful for. However, if you do worship the Lord, you have an infinite amount of good things to offer back to Him in praise.

Here's my running list. What's on yours?

Grateful,
for His glory!
~Lisha

November 1: the Lord of hosts, who only does marvelous things. my husband, who is a gift from God to help me learn to be more like Jesus. three lovely daughters who forgive me readily and repeatedly. friends who love me enough to call me out when i've done something wrong. prayer. a new pastor for our church. a new month feeling like a fresh start...

November 2: for Beautiful You. for the young ladies i've mentored and the young-at-heart ladies who have mentored me. for God's constant provision and His guidance. for my mom and dad and 'little' brother ♥ for my "-in-love" family - the hunters & the hustons. that Jesus came to give abundant life, not just squeaking-by life!

November 3: for chilly mornings under warm blankets. for a big mug of warm tea. for early morning snuggles with hannahbear. for the anticipation of spending the day with friends. for all the ways God provides for our family. for the opportunity to have a home-based business. for the smells and sounds and sights of the holiday season. and that my memories of holidays past are rich with love and joy.

November 4: for communion. for the sun greeting me when i woke up this morning (thanks, DST)! for waking up to a bunch of clean dishes that were not clean when i went to bed last night (thanks, will!). for our church family (local and worldwide). that my girls share a room and i get to overhear some of the giggles, whispers, jokes, friendship, and playtime that happens when they're together there.

November 5: for a working heater in the car. indoor plumbing. strangers at the grocery store who stop to speak a word of encouragement to a hurried homeschooling momma, that this path is hard but worth it. coffee. that i live in a country where i'm allowed to vote, no matter how tarnished the system is. for the ladies (& men) who worked hard and sacrificed much to give me that privilege & responsiblity. daughters who will one day be managers of their own homes. for gracious landlords. for the God of wonders, who is holy and merciful beyond my imagination.

November 6: for washers and dryers and all kinds of modern-day appliances that making managing a home easier. for the next President, whoever it is, per Romans 13 and 1 Thess 5:18. for toddler words that are so cute, like "ebef" and "abbeeeee!" (h's names for her sisters). for the heartfelt prayers of little ones who trust God in a way that i don't yet. for conversations that happen between two people who completely disagree and yet still can love & respect each other. for getting darker earlier = girls ready for bed earlier. for the freedom to vote, and the richer freedom in Christ.

November 7: hoodie sweatshirts and fleecey pajama pants. generous offers of lots of boxes. mary poppins. prayer, and when God answers it in a big way. my neighbor, Merri (I'm going to miss you when we move!!!). a quiet phone, because no political calls are coming in. my SAHMmie moms (remember we're not meeting today, though!). that through this season i'm learning what it means that God's grace is sufficient for me. and that no matter who is Commander-in-Chief, Jesus is the Lord of the heavenly hosts!

November 8: the first snow of the year always reminding me of Isaiah 1:18. 11 hours of sleep. toast and tea being a perfect remedy for a yucky tummy. the conviction of the Word. will, my best friend. family photos, old & new. an extra productive day yesterday on the packing front.

November 9: friends who come to help clean & bring coffee. my brother-in-law Ben, who i've known since he was 10 and now he's...much older (happy birthday!). long fb chats with kimm. that nostalgic feeling that happens when digging through years of pictures, letters, cards, & child artwork. my husband's hard work that allows me to stay home & educate the girls - what an honor & privilege! indoor plumbing which allows for hot showers. that God has revealed what He wants a virtuous woman to be & do, and that He gives me grace upon grace to strive for that. 3 weeks till E's surgery!

November 10: my brother Jerel, who turns not-quite-30 today (happy birthday!). my Nana & Grampy and Grammy & Papa, and will's Grandma & Grandad and Gram & Grampy - for their examples & how they raised our parents. finding my glasses after losing them shortly after abby was born (i can see so much better this morning! woo!). cold but brilliantly sunny fall mornings. not having
too much money - it moves me to be a better steward of what we've got. not having too little money - it reminds me that God always provides for each and every need. how creative the girls are during playtime after i've packed up most of their toys. hazelnut flavored coffee, mint tea, and hot cocoa with those little marshmallows. getting cards in the mail. and lastly, that today is a new day with new mercies & sufficient grace. :)

November 11: the 'Romans road' (Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23, Romans 5:8, & Romans 10:9). that my gaining heaven is not contingent upon what I've done / haven't done / am doing / am not doing / will do / will not do - it is solely because i've trusted in Jesus & what He accomplished at Calvary. for the men who have filled the pulpit at JBC while we haven't had a full-time pastor. for the men and women among us who have served their country well and sacrificed much for it. and for new friends and warm hospitality.

November 12: for finding gift cards while packing - that still have the full amount on them! for an impromptu dunkin donuts breakfast date with my girls (thanks to the gift card). for the long list of things to be done and things we need in the next three weeks, because prayer works and i can't wait to see how He'll do it all. for grace even after a crummy start to monday morning. energizing/encouraging music. that i am not, but that He is.

November 13: for the truth of the Scriptures and that it never changes, ever. that my heart is deceitfully and continually wicked above all else when left to my own devices. that the justice due me is an eternity of God's wrath. that God intervened in the person of Jesus. that Jesus, who knew no sin, became sin on my behalf, that the justice of God would be satisfied at Calvary. that Christ's death and resurrection won not only forgiveness of my sins but an eternal home in heaven, if i'm willing to accept & believe it. that i can stare hardship and death in the face and say "O where is thy sting? Where is thy victory?!" that God works all things together for good for those who love Him. that God keeps all of His promises and that He loves me fiercely & created me with a unique purpose that no one else could ever fill.

November 14: honey nut cheerios. chamomile tea. photos of will & i, that tell quite a story of the past 12 years. the tradition of Christmas cards. God's lovingkindness, which leads me to repentence & godly sorrow. this season of life with my littles (who are growing into bigs! stop!). the book of Proverbs. texts like "i was thinking of you today, how are you?" from faraway cousins, after a rough day ♥ cardboard boxes being a reminder that God is doing big things here.

November 15: for sore muscles, which mean that things are getting moved around & packed :) for the promise of a day spent with my girls and good friends in keene. for george winston and his music. for God's absolute sovereignty, so that i don't need to worry about anything at all - local or global. for all of the parents of my friends through the years who have loved me as pretty much their own. for the china tea set i found in the back of the closet and its memories of aunt bonnie's house. that the girls have been (mostly) good while their life is getting packed up around them, and patient with me when i am less than patient with them.

November 16: the inventors of the Keurig, modern washer & dryer, and electric stove. that Will gets the girls up and fed in the mornings so i can sleep in just a little longer. Oswald Chambers and all of the other men & women God has used through history to encourage and strengthen my beliefs & my faith. E&A being able to read. the freedom to homeschool my children.

November 17: for warm blankets. a night out at the opera. that like ancient israel, i often forget my God as i wander in a wilderness, but each time He forgives & provides. joy! a sink full of dirty dishes, because it means that we have enough food to eat. stickers & beads - two things that keep little girls entertained for a long time while mom is packing up a box or two. friday night being 'date night in' with take out and a fun tv show. honey vanilla chamomile tea, which sounds gross but is actually quite good. :)

November 18: that my mother in law is driving from NY today to surprise the girls. that my parents are on their way home from a visit to ME. for E's first loose tooth. for not having hot water this morning- it's a reminder that we are SO blessed to have the ability to even have hot water indoors. for our new pastor! for e being thankful for her "animal friends" (stuffed animals); a being thankful for her blanky; and h being thankful for bunnies.

November 19: Merri, aka the world's best neighbor. my SAHMmie friends and their willingness to be crafty & creative with my kids because it's not a strength of mine. and that they let me impose my math geekiness on their kids every now and again. a quick but dear visit with my mom-in-love, and for the little people singing disney princess castle thing she brought that has all of the girls occupied happily for hours. two weeks till moving day. davidcrowder*band. the awesome coziness of handmade quilts & afghans. people who can speak the truth in love.

November 20: for God and how He supplies strength when i have none. for waking up sick which reminds me to s l o w d o w n once in a while. for tea, and lots of it. for motrin and vitamin c tablets. for all the dust kickin' up around here which means stuff is getting cleaning and tossed. for friends who are willing to rearrange their schedules to watch my girls for a little while. for unexpected orders & show bookings. for will - oh, infinitely for will!

November 21: for a couple of hours without kids in the house to get about half of the living room cleaned & packed up (thanks, Rebeccah!). when a friend knows you well enough to not have to ask how you take your coffee (thanks, Elysia!). for the best PT in the world (H's, from Rise...) - Miss Becky :D for the blog. and the prayers & thoughts from friends & family. and that God is sovereign over every detail ever. the verse 'o wretched man that i am!! who will deliver me from this body of death?! i thank God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!!!' summing up my existence. lemon-poppyseed bread, and looking forward to mom's amazing dinner tomorrow. for a good, long cry being the best remedy once in a while - and for a husband who just knows that and lets it happen. 

November 22: for God. and all of His mighty deeds. like...
speaking the earth into existence.
speaking the heavens into existence.
breathing life into a man, whom he formed from the dust.
calling forth the waters to cover the the dry land.
withholding the waters from ever covering the dry land again. daily.
ten judgments on a hard-hearted pharoah and releasing His children from bondage.
stopping the earth to keep the sun in the sky, that israel might be victorious [joshua 10].
prolonging a king's life by fifteen years.
choosing to dwell in the form of man and live among His creation.
healing the blind, mute, lame, diseased, & tormented by speaking a word.
raising the dead to life. including Himself.
transforming a religious zealot into a passionate sinner-saved-by-grace.
and His mightiest deed: He, who knew no sin, becoming sin on our behalf, and bearing the outpouring of wrath that was due us...that we might be restored & reconciled to Him. ♥
what a God. what a Savior.

November 23: for family traditions. for ornaments that have survived the last 25 years and still go up every Christmas. for the santa candy holders, the snowglobes, the same 6 Christmas CDs we've been listening to for yearsandyears. for the mantle and the stockings. for my nana's handiwork. for the 'kid's tree' and for the santa hats. and that my girls get to be part of the lane family Christmas. and for my mom and dad who pull it all together every year.

November 24: that in a little over a week, E will be healing and we can begin unpacking. for paul's letter to the romans. for shortbread cookies. that will is artistic and spontaneous, to counter my practical and type-a personality. for finding 'the sandlot' and watching it last night. for aunts & uncles and the oodles of cousins. that God loves me where i am at but is not content to leave me there - He guides, teaches, rebukes, & encourages me till my character reflects Jesus.

November 25: for abbyisms. and elizabethisms. and the up-and-coming hannahisms. for church. for finally being done going through everything and now it's just packing up a few boxes here and there and cleaning. that God is the lifter of my countenance, my portion, my shield & defender, my teacher, & my King. for e telling me that her belly hurts - a reminder that in God's great faithfulness, the healing surgery is only days away.

November 26: for innocent and thoughtful questions from the hearts of my littles. for God's provision in ways i could not have ever expected. for this being the start of The Week When It All Happens. that my girls have learned to be content with simple meals and only one or two toys to keep them occupied. for older people at the grocery store who take the time to talk with (not at, or down to) my children and share a laugh or two. that nothing in allllllllllllll the world or universe can separate me from the love of God in Christ Jesus - nothing!!

November 27: so grateful today...for God's grace. that i don't deserve and never will earn. a gift - and oh, a marvelous gift.

amazing grace!! how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me!! i once was lost, but now am found! was blind - but now, i see! 'twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace, my fears relieved!! how precious did that grace appear, the hour i first believed!!! ♥ [john newton]

November 28: for the wednesday morning mom's Bible study/SAHMs group. for friends who are willing to spend an evening packing up my kitchen. for my mom helping me out by doing our laundry so it's one less thing to think about. for will working hard in the midst of things that do not seem to be going 'our way'. for hugs when words don't really cut it. for the reminder to do everything i do to the glory of God - even packing boxes or wiping runny noses or breaking up a sibling argument. for octopotamuses. for tears of exhaustion that remind me to take Jesus up on His offer to come to Him when i labor and am heavy-laden, for He alone gives my soul rest.

November 29: for turkey soup & pumpkin bread for lunch (thanks rachel!). for finding e's first set of braces and recalling just how good God has been to us here in this home. for the anticipation of just how God is going to be to us in our new home. for everyone i've talked to at dartmouth this week, because they've been pleasant and patient and compassionate. for bartering. and finding new homes for some of our things. for a (relatively) quiet lunch time with will. ♥

November 30: I am thankful today for modern medicines & techniques that allow E a chance to heal and be healthier. for the surgeon who will be operating on her this morning and the nurses & doctors that will be taking care of her. that of all of the health issues I could have to walk through as a mom, that this is really not that bad. that I do not need to worry about any of the details, great or small, because God is not only going with us moment by moment but He already knows the outcome. that E knows that Jesus and His angels will be encamped around her in the OR. that there is not one single cell in E's body that God did not create, and that every moment of her life thus far has gone the way it has for a specific reason. ♥

giving thanks in November...and always,

for His glory!

~Lisha