11.26.2013

You just don't understand!

Photos from E's surgery 11/2012

A phone call came today.

It was supposed to bring relief and hope. Confirmation of good news and the fresh start for my daughter.


...but in just a few seconds, it deflated my spirit. It was not the news we had hoped for. I wept bitterly and had to run to my bedroom at the back of the house so the girls wouldn't see me clench my fists while my tears rolled off of my cheeks. And before I knew it, these words escaped out from under my breath:

God...You...just...don't...understand. We have walked through so much this year. These past few years. I was led to believe that this phone call would bring a break. A chance to breathe a little. 

And I cried. While the girls were oblivious and contentedly playing the piano in the den, I cried. Then, when I'd thrown my pity party, I sat quietly.

Then came a firm but gentle reminder:
You can say a great many things in times of discouragement and trouble, My child, but you may not say that I do not understand what you are going through.

And a long silence. The sting of conviction. The shock of what just was spoken in haste. The terror of accusing God that He is not compassionate or wise.


A confession: I know, Lord. Forgive me.


He does understand. Oh, He understands exactly. He understands even better than I do. Because He's been with me for all of it. He brought to mind a flood of verses:

Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
{Hebrews 4:14-16}

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
{Psalm 23:4}

Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord God—my God—will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord...
{1 Chronicles 28:20}

Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
{Isaiah 41:10}

“Because he has set his love upon Me,
therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him,
and show him My salvation.”
{Psalm 91:14-16}

*This was this morning's reading with my daughters.
Before I knew what the day would bring*
Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
{Matthew 6:25-33}

...and this song. He asked me to cry out, that He would be my hiding place. Not to run from Him in confusion, but run to Him and find shelter in His love and protection. So that I can teach my little girls to do the same as this path unfolds before us.


Last week, I shared a bit of my current bout of spiritual apathy, and then Sunday I shared how God had kindled hope in my soul and sparked feeling in my heart once more. Today, He has me back in a familiar place: totally dependent, desperate to know Him more and cling to Him. It's not wrapped in the sparkly gift bag of joy and happiness that I wished for, but He has given me a merciful gift by rousing me suddenly from my I-don't-care attitude.

My little girl has a longer road on this journey than we thought. And His grace, which has sustained us thus far, will continue. This moment, tomorrow, and forever. Even when I am so quick to forget and go into panic mode.

So, if you need us anytime soon, we'll be in hiding. Under the shadow of the Almighty. If you are going through a hard time right now, you should come hide, too.

Hiding in Him tonight,
for His glory!
~Lisha

I may be sharing this post at the following encouraging link-up parties!
If this post has encouraged or blessed you, please comment, pin it, or share! 

23 comments:

  1. I'm visiting from Hope in Every Season. That was beautiful & so touching. I love this story & reminder that he is compassionate & will take care of us. Thank you so much for sharing!

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    1. I am thankful that this blessed you. Thank you for the encouragement - after a rough day, it's sweet to hear. And He is always compassionate!

      Thank you for stopping by. I hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving!
      ~Lisha

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  2. Visiting via the Wise Woman Link-up. Thank you for such a heartfelt post. Prayers going up for your family and your little girl. What a beautiful reminder that no matter what we're going through, God DOES understand.

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    1. Thank you for praying for my family and for the kind words, Jessica! I am so grateful that God does understand each heartache and joy and that He is able to use it all to His glory!

      ~Lisha

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  3. Hi! So true. He understands exactly, and He's there with us every step of the way. What an awesome comfort in times of pain or uncertainty. Thanks for sharing at Thriving Thursday.

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    1. If it weren't for that comfort and truth, it'd be so hard to bear difficult circumstances. Thank you for being faithful to host the link up, Crystal! It's a sweet blessing every week.

      ~Lisha

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  4. Oh Lisha, how lovely...such encouraging words! I am praying for you today and your family...wonderful to see how the Lord has blessed you with wisdom and strength in difficult times. That is the only way we can minister to others, if we have walked through the valley ourselves...You are stronger than you know!! ♥

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  5. God has walked with you through the valley and you will minister to many with the strength and wisdom you have been given! Praying for you friend! This was so encouraging. God is in control! ♥

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    1. I am blessed to know this was an encouragement to you, Nanette <3 Thank you for letting the Lord build up other women through you, and for praying :)

      ~Lisha

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  6. I found you through the Thriving Thursday Link Up and I just want to say thank you for sharing this, So often us Moms feel that no one understands the struggles that we and our families face. But He does. Those scriptures are absolutely perfect for this time in my families life as well as we are awaiting a series of tests and assessments for my son. Thank you for the encouragement.

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    1. You are so welcome, and thank you for sharing that this has blessed you, Sandy - what an encouragement. I am praying right now that God will comfort you through His word as you wait, and for your son!

      I am grateful that you stopped by!
      ~Lisha

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    1. Thank you, Mascha!! I appreciate this so much!

      ~Lisha

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  8. I'm so sorry to hear your news. It must be heartbreaking to go through something like this with one of your precious children. From my own experiences I know what it can feel like to be "let down" by God. Even this week as you know we have had a very difficult time with the illness of my father-in-law. However, you are so right He does understand our pain and He cares for us. I pray that you continue to be able to lean on Him and know His endless refuge.
    Thanks so much for sharing at Essential Fridays.
    Blessings
    Mel from Essential Thing Devotions

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    1. Thank you, Mel! It's hard because as mom my instinct is to swoop in and protect and take away the pain, rather than teach her how to walk through it with faith...!

      I'm so thankful that He not only watches us walk through hurt but that He walks through it with us!
      ~Lisha

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  9. Lish,

    I want to thank you so much for linking up with us at the Mommy Monday Blog Hop. It's amazing what people can get through. The human spirit is stronger than anyone can know. Especially doctors. Jesus has experienced all the pain we all go through. He knows it. He knows your hurt and sorrow. I'm so glad that is a comfort to you.

    With hope of peace for your family. I hope you are able to fully embrace and feel the spirit of love around you. That's what Jesus is. He is love.

    Thanks again so much for linking up with us.

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    1. I'm grateful for the encouragement, Lisa! I am so, so glad that Jesus does not leave nor forsake and that He does know. Apart from Him, my spirit would be crushed!

      Linking up with your blog hop has been a blessing to me :)
      ~Lisha

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  10. Replies
    1. Thank you! So much!

      Blessings to you~
      Lisha :)

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  11. Hi Lisha,
    God is watching over all of you. I'm so sorry for whatever all of you are going through. He is carrying you right now.

    Thank you so much for sharing with Wednesday's Adorned From Above Link Party. Have a great week.
    Debi and Charly @ Adorned From Above
    http://www.adornedfromabove.com

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    1. He is, and if I didn't have that hope to anchor my soul to, I don't know what I'd do. Thank you for your kind words, and for being faithful to host the link-up!

      ~Lisha

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  12. Oh, Lisha! I love this! So raw and so beautiful... I am praying for you all! Thank you for linking up such a powerful post! Blessings!

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    1. Thank you for your sweet encouragement, Amy. It's a comfort to know that He's blessing others through this! He is SO GOOD.

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