11.12.2013

Unfulfilled dreams?


Photo credit: Molly Viglione Photography 2013
Sometimes I feel like a few of my big dreams have gone unfufilled,
but then I remember that God is not limited to my dreams for me.
Something that I've been wrestling is this:
would God give me a dream - a desire of my heart -  that He does not intend to fulfill?!

It's easy to run to a verse like Psalm 37:4 where it says 'He will give you the desires of your heart'. The old "build your theology around and hang your hopes on a single verse" - which is always, always a bad idea. Always. The idea that God is bound to give me whatever my little heart desires is just not in line with all the rest of Scripture. (Remember, Scripture also says the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked above all things {Jeremiah 17:9}...so how do those two verses mesh?)

Without reading the verses around it, or taking in the whole counsel of God, I'd feel kind of iffy about God's ability to keep His Word, because truth be told, I have unfulfilled dreams in my heart.

At least, on the surface, I think I do. For example-

I want to be loved. I mean, LOVED!, by my husband. In the way that Christ loved His church and gave Himself up for her. I want to feel cherished, treasured, defended, taken care of, and valued - every day, all the time! But marriage has difficult seasons, and some days are just no-good and terrible. There have been years of our marriage when we have both felt lonely & empty for a myriad of reasons. It's not what either of us had dreamed up when we said we do for better or worse. But what about that longing to be loved? Has God forgotten about my heart?

Since I was in 4th grade, I've wanted to be a teacher. A middle school math teacher - yes, you saw that correctly. I am crazy, and I did write middle school math teacher. :) I taught in an excellent school for just 2 years before our oldest daughter was born. I have not regretted a day of being home with my daughters, but I often wish that I could have some way to connect with middle school students and impact their lives somehow in a school-type setting. God gave me the ability to teach - did He put me on the shelf when I started having children?

And I'd love to have a home full to bursting with little ones. Before Elizabeth was even thought of, I had a list of 14 names (first & middle) that I knew I just had to use some day. We've got three amazingly beautiful daughters, and one baby that we never really got to know. For now, three is just right; my days are full and resources seem limited with the ones we have - but I can't help the disappointment each month that comes when I realize that there will not be another little one, at least this time around. After almost a decade of being married, I'd hoped by now to have 5 or 6 sweet ones to kiss and squeeze and sing to and love on. God says over and over that children are a blessing, and I'm willing to receive as many as He'll give...why isn't He taking me up on that?

I've been praying for these dreams to come true for years. and that feels like a long time to wait!!

I was driving home from grocery shopping (alone) the other night and taking the opportunity to ask the Lord why, if He'd given me these desires, He wasn't fulfilling them. The desires I have are good ones, so how come my life doesn't look the way I think it should?!

My daughter, He started, you're not seeing everything the way I see it.

If you felt loved and secure all of the time by your husband, you wouldn't need to seek Me and My heart for you. You wouldn't depend on and abide in My love for you. I fulfill your desire to be loved when you spend time with Me and let Me remind you how precious you are. Don't look to man to love you - look to Me. And you'll be able to love him generously out of the overflow of My love, no matter what the years bring.

You are a teacher. I've given you three little girls who will one day be young ladies and they are learning from you, day in and day out. All those years of formal training were for a purpose. And I've placed you in a church with a thriving middle & high school outreach! I've given you the best of both worlds - you don't have to fill out report cards or attend staff meetings AND you get to impact the young ladies you love by speaking into their lives and taking them out for breakfast. And what about tutoring? I've given you that outlet so you can help them with math - while working from home.


And what's this talk about wanting more children? I've given you four - which is an infinite treasure!  If I never bless you with another, you have riches untold already. And how do you know I'm never going to call you to adopt, or foster, or carry another little one? There's still time! But not now, my dear. And what about all of the young ladies in your life whom you love like daughters? Just because they don't live under your roof doesn't mean you can't love them, too. 

Sometimes, He fulfills our dreams quite plainly for us. Or He may do it in a roundabout way {as we see it, anyway}. And then there are the times when He doesn't, because His purpose in not fulfilling that heart's desire is so that we'll remember that He should be the desire & delight of our hearts.

He keeps sending me back to Psalm 37:

Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the Lord,
and He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord,
trust also in Him,
and He shall bring it to pass.
{Psalm 37:3-5}

When I'm about the business of first trusting Him, then feeding on His faithfulness, and then delighting myself in Him alone...then He gives me the desires of my heart because my heart will be in line with His! And where there's a desire that seems to be forgotten, I can rest in the truth that He knows precisely what He's doing. For my good, and for His glory...{see Romans 8:28}

Learning to delight in Him
and rest in His plan,
for His glory!
~Lisha

I may be sharing this post at these encouraging Link-up parties!
If this post has blessed, encouraged, or inspired you - please comment, pin it, or share :)

27 comments:

  1. What a great reminder and what an amazing God we serve that he took you through all of that. His dreams are so perfect for us. God bless you and thank you for sharing.

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    1. Thank you for the encouragement, Katheryn! He is such an amazing God, and I am so thankful that He is patient and gentle with our hearts when we come to Him!

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  2. Definitely touched my heart here! I appreciate these beautiful insights & the reminder to trust Him with all my heart! Love & prayers, in Jesus, Cynthia

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    1. I'm thankful this blessed you, Cynthia. Thank you! And, yes, He can be trusted with all of your heart, always. What a wonderful God :)

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  3. What a wonderful post! I kept thinking as I was reading through it that God really has given you those desires and has fulfilled those dreams....and like you said, it may not be in the exact way you envisioned, but nevertheless, He has given you the desires of your heart. So glad I found you through the link-up today, and may God bless you and your precious family. Love, Cheryl

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    1. Thank you, Cheryl. Sometimes when I get into the self-pity mode, it's so hard to see what God is doing until I come to Him feeling frustrated...and He is SO full of lovingkindness to point me back to Himself and His word. Every time! You'd think I'd learn faster :) Blessings to you!

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  4. I love to think of God's love and provision as: He may not always do what's easiest, but He will always do what is best for us and His kingdom.

    Hold onto that faithfulness and contentment, because He will deliver!

    Blessings!

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    1. Yes, that is an excellent way to think about it! Thank you for your kind words, Dolly!

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  5. I am popping in from the blog hop, (I think it was Essential Fridays). I've learned that too, that God wants us to look for His love first above seeking it out from our husbands. I just wrote a post on my blog about my marriage you might like to read at http://happymomshappyhomes.blogspot.com/2013/11/our-thoughts-and-emotions-part-3-of-3.html

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    1. It's such a hard lesson to learn sometimes, isn't it? I look forward to reading your post, too - thank you for sharing, Tina!

      I hope you have a great start to your week!

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  6. I found your post at the From House to Home linky. Thank you for sharing! God used you to speak to my heart about something I've been struggling with too :) We are in a spot in our lives where I'm really having to trust God, especially for the desires of my heart. Thank you for letting God use you!

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    1. Praise the Lord - it is a blessing to know that He is speaking to you :) Thank you for the encouragement, Missy. Keep trusting Him. He IS faithful and true, always! I have Psalm 37:3-5 written out on an index card so that I can memorize & meditate on it.

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  7. This is a wonderful post. You have explained something quite tricky biblically, vulnerably and truthfully. I think that you are so right. God honours His promises to us but in His wisdom. Trusting in Him and His will is the way we can be reconciled to what we think are our "disappointments" in life.
    Thanks for sharing at Essential Fridays.
    Blessings
    Mel

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    1. "God honours His promises to us but in His wisdom" - I LOVE that! Thank you, Mel!! :)

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  8. Stopping by from Teach Me Tuesday! This is an excellent blog post, and one that I think many people can relate too. I have a few dreams that are very near and dear to my heart, and sometimes I just don't feel like I'm going anywhere with them. God always reminds me He knows what's best, and just because I can't see it happening, doesn't mean it's not going to. Patience is what I need to remember!

    Monica @ theatypicalhousewife.com

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement, Monica! Patience (especially when it comes to God's timeline for us) and trusting that He does know best can be such a test. I am so thankful He is gracious with us when we doubt.

      Blessings to you :)
      ~Lisha

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  9. Great post! I think that God often fulfills our dreams in ways totally different than what we envision. We like to plan out how God should do things -- and He usually has something we never would have thought of in in mind! I love that He gave you a glimpse of that! Also, I understand that verse in that God gives us the desires of our heart, meaning when we seek Him first, He puts the desires in our heart that He wants us to have, and then He fulfills them. But we often must go through what some have called a "death of a vision" first. Then when we surrender our desires to God, He supernaturally fulfills those desires and dreams. The best scriptural example is Abraham and Issac. Hope this makes sense - trying to be very brief for a comment and not a post of its own! :)

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    1. Thanks, Elizabeth! I've definitely been known to hand Him my version of The Plan...and He seems to just rewrite the whole thing before handing it back (and admittedly, it's always better than my idea, even if I have to wait a while to see it).

      I know what you mean about Abraham & Isaac. That would be a great topic for a post... :D

      Your blog is such a blessing to me! Thanks for visiting :)
      ~Lisha

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  10. This so spoke to me Today I went to the dr and was told my body is not going to really be able to carry children it hurt so much but I read this made me realize I have 2 great kids I am truely blessed this post was beyond encouraging thank you

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    1. Jessica, thank you for sharing this. Praise God that He has encouraged you at this difficult time. I will be praying for you!! <3

      ~Lisha

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  11. Lisha, I read so many post and so must skim them but find myself slowing down (I actually don't read fast anyhow) when I read your post.

    I wanted 9 children, but had 7 with many months (like you said) wanting to be pregnant but not finding myself pregnant. We did adopt but it was a hard hard road. They are all grown now and I never got pregnant again (like I dreamed) after 18 years ago. Now, I find myself with two precious bundles of joy this past year as I care for my identical twin (we look and look for differences but they look almost exactly alike, lol) granddaughters around the clock as they live with them. So, you never know how God will bless you. It may be with your hands held open to God.

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    1. Ah! I am SO thankful for the technology that allows me to glean from the insight and wisdom of moms & wives who have walked this journey before me. Thank you for being about the work of lifting others up in truth & love, and for the reminder that I do need to keep my hands & heart open to what He has for me!

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  12. This is so beautiful. I love it when I hear God. He is so faithful. Thanks so much for sharing with Wednesday's Adorned Link Party. Have a great Thanksgiving.
    Debi and Charly @ Adorned From Above
    http://www.adornedfromabove.com

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  13. This is beautiful and excellent handling of Scripture!! What lovely words from God, too.

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    1. Thank you for stopping by and for the sweet words, Christa! Blessings to you :)

      ~Lisha

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  14. Encouraged. Thoroughly encouraged.

    I also find it interesting that you wrote this post within a week of when I wrote Confessions of a {Wannabe} Large Family Momma. :) [I, too, have a list of names. 11. Boys and girls.]

    Keep on trusting Him... May your heart's desire be HIM above all else.

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    1. I was so blessed by that post, Kayla. Thank you for your kind words and for your prayers!

      ~Lisha

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