Teaching children to sit through church

Do you ever receive a compliment for your child's/childrens' behavior, and wonder 'whose children are these sweet people talking about?!' (I'm mostly jesting...mostly.) I do, sometimes. In part because it's so easy for me to have a critical view of my daughters' behavior too often; and in part because I know our girls better than anyone else and understand they are not always as angelic as they appear in public.

Some folks at church have recently complimented my daughters about how they do a nice job of sitting through church - and they ask me how I manage to get the girls to do it. My girls are 7 1/2, 6, & 3 - and most of the time, they conduct themselves pretty well in the sanctuary. ...coffee hour and fellowship time, though, that's a different story. We'll probably be working on that for the next few years. If you visit Jaffrey Bible, and you see kids camped out by the snack table [or underneath it, waiting for food to drop...], or finishing other people's unattended snacks, they're likely mine. They do get enough to eat, contrary to what they might tell you.

When our oldest two were little (newborn & 1 1/2), we felt strongly that we wanted them to sit through the entire service with us, even though nursery care was available. At this point, all three of our girls are old enough to go downstairs to Junior Church during the sermon portion of the service most of the time, but every so often I keep them up with me to keep teaching them this important skill. We've not perfected it - we never will. But we keep on trying.

Here is my offering to parents who are wondering how to teach their children to sit respectfully through church. It is not a get-quiet-kids-quick scheme, and I make no promises. These are just the things the Lord has shown me as I've sought to point my girls to Jesus.

1) Be the example.

Be. the. example.

You are always an example to those little sets of eyes. Like when you talk to your pew neighbors during announcements or during the sermon (I ask my girls to speak up respectfully when they see me doing this, because it's a weakness of mine). When you are rifling through your handbag just to check your phone one more time (or, if you keep your phone in your hand or by your side!). When you are fidgeting because you are feeling bored.

If you want your children to learn how to sit still, pay attention, and enjoy the service - set the example.

Some parents choose to allow their kids to bring coloring books, small toys, or other things to keep them quiet. That is between you and the Lord. We chose not to do that because "being quiet" wasn't the end goal we wanted for our children - it was learning to worship God in His sanctuary, with His people. We encourage the girls to bring a Bible or Bible storybook with them, and we encourage them to either participate (singing, listening, etc), or to read while seated. And I try to be aware that I follow my own guidelines!

2) Be patient.

What I cannot promise you is that your littles will stay put and be quiet in just a few easy steps. Training them to sit takes time. Sometimes, years. With my older two, it was easily 3 years before I could sit through a whole service. But I am reaping the benefits now, and it makes all of those training years worth it.

Decide on a couple basic rules/guidelines, and stick to them. When they are dishonored, deal with it right away. Even if that means getting up and carrying them to the back of the church 8,341 times a service for 2 years.

Our guidelines:
-When someone is speaking from the pulpit, you may not speak {dire potty emergencies excluded}. Look at the speaker, or you may read your Bible silently.
-When we are singing, you may sing along, or read quietly.
-You may sit on the floor or on the pew, but you may not wander around.

Obviously, any babies under, I'd say, 18 months - just realize that they cry. They get fussy. They vocalize. Often, at the most inconvenient times. But there is no need for disciplining a child who cries due to hunger, or being overtired, or just because! Accept with joy and thanksgiving the fact that you will likely play the get-up-and-sit-back-down game for a couple of years if you have a baby - or that you'll be in the Cry Room if your church has one. For a long time, I had to sign up for a copy of the message on CD or hear the summary from Will!

Once they get to be old enough to show defiant behavior (it varies!), you'll need to decide how you will deal with a rebellious attitude - and the difference between real rebellion and plain old crankiness (9:30-11 is a tough time for littles who are used to a morning nap! Once you have a plan, be as consistent as you can. Eventually (...really!), you'll begin to see progress. Our youngest is just barely 3, and she does pretty well most of the time.

3) Teach them to sit still at home, too, and praise even the smallest of true efforts.

Being still is not a bad thing for children every now and then. Sure, children need copious amounts of activity time - whether helping with chores, or engaged in learning, or just free & unstructured playtime! - but sitting still, patiently, and quietly is a life skill that needs to be worked on. Teaching them to be still in other places besides church will ensure that the request isn't a foreign concept. Storytime, snuggle time, rest time, or quiet reading time are all ways to teach them at home. And again, teach by example. Let them see you taking down time every now and again to snuggle with them, or to just read quietly.

When they do well with this at home (and at church), be sure to give them a complement. Be specific: "Abs, I really appreciated the way you sat and read to yourself so quietly just now. You're really growing in self-control!" Steer away from general, over-the-top flattery, like: "WOW!! Hannah!! You're the best sitter-stiller that I've ever met! Great job! Keep it up!!"

4) Pray with them and for them - and point them to the Word.

This is, by far, the most important piece of teaching your children to do....anything at all. Pray. Pray more, and then pray again. Pray that the Lord will work in your heart first and give you a desire to worship Him and to delight in being at church, in His presence and in the midst of the assembly of believers! Pray also that your children will also truly delight in being there and learning more about our Almighty and loving God!

Become familiar with verses about reverencing the Lord, and the assembling of His people, and the verses about being still and waiting on the Lord - and please share them with your children!! No matter how small they are!! God's Word is powerful and life-giving for all people, not just grown-ups, and your children will benefit from hearing you proclaim His truth!

Verses I've found to be a helpful starting point:

You shall keep My Sabbaths and reverence My sanctuary: I am the Lord.
{Leviticus 19:30}

Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God.
{Exodus 20:8-10}

And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.
{Hebrews 10:24-25}

Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness,
and for His wonderful works to the children of men!
Let them exalt Him also in the assembly of the people,
and praise Him in the company of the elders.
{Psalm 107:31-32}

Wait on the Lord;
be of good courage,
and He shall strengthen your heart;
wait, I say, on the Lord!
{Psalm 27:14}

Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!
The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our refuge.
{Psalm 46:10-11}

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him..
{Psalm 37:7}

What have you found to work in helping your children learn to sit through church?

Teaching my daughters,
for His glory!
~Lisha :)

I may be sharing this post at these Link-up parties!
[If this post has encouraged, blessed, or inspired you, please share it, pin it, or comment!]