We've entered a new season here in our home.
I'm not referring to spring (...although, it does *finally* feel like spring, praise the Lord!). Not summer, winter, or fall, either.
A season which I hoped would not come, at least for a while.
It's been so quiet around the blog because I have been searching, applying, and interviewing for a job outside the home. Financially, things have been just a liiiittle too tight around here for the last couple of years, and Will wanted me to find something that was more reliable and steady than my tutoring.
I've spent the last couple of months applying for several jobs - at first, hoping to find a position where I could just work evenings and weekends (so that we wouldn't need to worry about child care). When no one called back, I then inquired after a full-time teaching position at a private school in the area. My next step was going to be applying for third-shift manufacturing positions.
I was desperate to find something that would allow me to continue homeschooling the girls. I told people with my lips that I would do "whatever came along", but in my heart I was screaming "NO! NO! I will not give up homeschooling! I will not give up my dream of being a stay at home, homeschooling mom to these beautiful girls! Surely, Father, You approve of what I'm doing here! Surely, You see that this is how You want it to be! ...right?"
Over the last couple of years, God keeps challenging my convictions about being a wife, a mom, and a follower of Jesus. And He is teaching me that, although His Word is truth, He is not bound to my interpretation of how it should happen.
For instance, it is clear that He desires that a wife & mom be the manager of her home (see Titus 2 & Proverbs 31). I took that to mean that it is against His will that I would take a job outside the home. I was called out on this conviction a while ago, and I've been so resistant to asking the Lord what He thinks of it all. Hearing anything other than "Lisha, you stay home!" was not desirable for me.
Nobody called me back. For weeks. I smugly thought, "Well, shucks. Will told me to apply for a job - clearly against God's design - I did it because I had to, but no one is calling back. Guess God showed him!" and I prematurely reveled in God's clear calling that I stay put.
And then I got three phone calls in less than 24 hours.
An interview for a full-time job, an immediate offer of a evening-and-weekends job, and an inquiry about in-home childcare!
After talking with Will, I ended up accepting the part-time job (2-3 evenings per week and weekend hours) and I interviewed for the teaching job. I went to the interview reluctantly. Though I knew I could excel in the position, I did not wholeheartedly want it. It would mean no homeschooling; we'd likely have to enroll my daughters in the school and find child care for my youngest.
The Father and I had plenty of chats about this, and I made sure He knew that I was displeased with the possibility of working full time while other people raised my daughters.
It often went like this:
"Lord, if I get this job, it's like You're asking me to lay down everything that is important to me right now - homeschooling, discipling my daughters full-time, the extra time to minister to others! *stomps foot*"
"That's the point. Are you interested in following Me and what I have for you no matter what, like you tell everyone, or do you believe that I owe you the luxury of being home and doing all these things because you believe in Me?"
Over the next few days - before I heard the decision from the school - I began to understand that my prayer needed to stop being "Please let me get a job where I can still do everything I want to do for You", and it needed to sound more like "Father, whatever job You have for me, make it clear, and help me trust that You'll use it, even if I have to 'give up' being home and homeschooling."
I'd like to tell you that I had a major heart change and that it became so easy to follow Jesus, even if that meant He was leading me where I'd never had any intention of going. The reality is that I still struggle with being grumpy each time I have to leave for work - even though it's just part time (for now). It's hard to see past the selfishness of what I want right now and praise the Lord that I've been given an opportunity to be Will's helpmeet in a very tangible way right now, by increasing our monthly income by about 50%. We'll finally be able to pay all of our bills on time.
The reality is that Jesus asks that we always be willing to lay down everything that is important right now in order to go where He leads, no matter the personal cost. (See Matthew 8:18-22)
Even if that means that we have to go back to the Word and reassess our own 'holy' convictions. It isn't my convictions about Jesus that bring Him the most glory, it's my obedience to Jesus that brings Him the most glory.
So for now, I'll share here as I'm able - but if you want short snippets here and there about what God is doing in my heart and life, please just ask - either on my Facebook page, here in the comments below, or call me (if you have my number already). Joyfully, I will share! I long to take the time to share with you all of the lessons I'm learning from Jesus, but in this new season, blogging will be less frequent, at least until we've settled into our new 'normal' schedule.
Embracing the change in the season,
for His glory!
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