I don't know!

We closed up the Bible House storefront a month ago.

and there is still no employment for Will as of right now. He has an interview on Monday...but he's had other interviews in the last four weeks that came to nothing.

I don't know. I don't know where the money for the rent, or the past due rent, or the increasingly past due electricity, or the hot water are going to come from. By all accounts, we should have been evicted by now. Or at least we deserve to be without the luxuries of electricity and hot water!

But God, who has more than covered us with a miraculous grace in those areas, is the same God who moves in the hearts of people to leave cases of diapers on our doorstep. Who compels anonymous people to send gift cards in the mail with the note "Love, Jesus". He is the same God who, for His glory and delight, moves people to stop by with treats for the girls that wouldn't be possible for us right now, and who answers their tiny heartfelt prayers for things like new shoes or new construction paper. He's the same God who, miraculously, keeps the needle on our gas tank at least 3/4 full, all of the time. Even when I know it should be empty, and I try to "fill the tank", it never takes more than $25-30 before it stops.

And what in the whole wide world am I supposed to make of this?!?!? I don't know!

These days I spend a lot of time crying - crying out to God, and crying tears. The causes range from confusion ('why us, why now? Haven't we learned our lesson about what it's like not to have money? Won't You just help a family out and pay the bills today?'), to disgust with the deepest parts of my depraved nature, to sheer thankfulness that He is in control of it all, because clearly I am not.

And I am SO THANKFUL that I don't have to know all the answers to my questions. I will repeat that: I am thankful. Abundantly grateful that I do not need to sit and overanalyze what God is doing right at this moment in our lives. That my response just needs to be to praise Him and obey Him, no matter where He directs us. Because while I don't know what He's doing, or where we'll end up, I know because of His Word and His character that His plan is perfect. That none of this has been a coincidence, or a waste, or a hoax, or a crutch. That because we have been allowed to go through these trials, we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a God, and He alone is God, and that we have seen His mighty, sovereign hands at work.

So, I don't know what the near future is going to look like. I don't know how we're going to possibly pay the rent. I don't know what's going to happen when we run out of diapers or toilet paper or gas. I don't know specifically how God is going to finish the good works that He has started in Will, the girls, & I. But my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness, and because of that hope, I don't have to know anything else!

Not knowing anything except Christ Jesus and Him crucified,
for His glory,
Lisha :)

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