Here I go.

It's hard to believe, but it's already been about a week since we realized that God had called our youngest one home to Himself. It is a weird feeling to have been pregnant, and not be pregnant anymore, with nothing physical (ie...our baby) to show for it. 

We have been completely overwhelmed by you (yes, you!!), dear friends, as so many of you have come alongside us this week to help us bear this sorrow. There have been four nights of meals, three iced coffees, surprise visits, lots of phone calls, probably about a hundred or so text and facebook messages, offers to take the girls for a couple of hours, hugs aplenty, chores and errands run for us, and many thoughts and prayers lifted up for us. How then could we remain sorrowful? 

My heart was and is broken for the death of my baby. When I saw him (I'm going to refer to Baby H as a him, not because we knew, but because "it" sounds so wretched to me) on Monday morning, it was the end of a dream. And that completely ripped my heart out! We already had picked out names and had fun guessing if it was going to be a boy or girl and dreaming about life would be like with 3 girls (aaah!) or 2 sisters with a younger brother (...aaaah!), and Monday morning the finality of it was, this time, that dream would be unfulfilled. I was crushed. And I kind of still am. 


My life is built on the truth of God's Word - the Bible. He has spoken and written it into our lives that we would be encouraged, forewarned, and taught directly by the One who spoke the universe into existence and who fashioned man in His own image. And in those pages I have found great comfort and God is using this experience to teach me many lessons. It has been such a huge week for spiritual growth in my heart. At some point in time, maybe I'll expound on these; I don't feel led to right now. In the meantime, if you want to discuss them with me...feel free. 

Lesson #1: God is completely sovereign. In all details. Always. 

Lesson #2: God is merciful. Always. 

Lesson #3: Our children are not ours; they are God's, and He gives them to us for so short a time to love and cherish and take care of. 

Lesson #4: God sometimes does give us more than we can handle so that we are reminded that we need to completely rely on His strength. (1 Corinthians 10:13 deals with God not giving us more temptation than we can bear - it doesn't promise that God will not lead us into trials that we cannot handle. [note: if you find verses that prove this lesson wrong, send me a message, please!]) 

Lesson #5: God does not waste our pain (see Lesson #1), but uses it for His glory and our good. 

Lesson #6: Painful circumstances help us to grow spiritually (see Lesson #5). 

Lesson #7: It's okay to cry and to ask for help! 

Lesson #8: My husband is an amazing man, and is just the perfect one for me. 

Lesson #9: What it truly means to lean on Jesus when I come to the end of my strength. 

Lesson #10: God is an awesome God and He deserves praise in the middle of our trials as well as in the good times! 

...so even though I am sad for my little one, I cannot help but overflow with joy. The Lord has flooded us with love this week and He has allowed me to see how He is using our pain to reach out and encourage and comfort others. My child is being taken care of by Jesus Christ, the Lord of all; he has skipped the pain and agony of mortal life, missed out on the consequences of sin, and slipped right into eternal life - so my sorrow cannot be long-lived. In fact, I realized the other day that I was even sort of envious. 

I am open to talking about the events of the past week, and about the faith and hope I have in Jesus. Please, please don't feel awkward about calling me or sending me a message to ask questions or to share what is on your heart and mind. And if you want to say something but don't know what...that's okay. Tell us that. It touches us just to know that you are thinking of us. You don't have to come up with something profound to make us feel better. 

Many thanks to each of you. We love you all!! 

In the unfailing love of God!

Will & Lisha 

Photo copyright 2006: Photography by Downing

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