A New Season

We've entered a new season here in our home.

I'm not referring to spring (...although, it does *finally* feel like spring, praise the Lord!). Not summer, winter, or fall, either.

A season which I hoped would not come, at least for a while.

It's been so quiet around the blog because I have been searching, applying, and interviewing for a job outside the home. Financially, things have been just a liiiittle too tight around here for the last couple of years, and Will wanted me to find something that was more reliable and steady than my tutoring.

I've spent the last couple of months applying for several jobs - at first, hoping to find a position where I could just work evenings and weekends (so that we wouldn't need to worry about child care). When no one called back, I then inquired after a full-time teaching position at a private school in the area. My next step was going to be applying for third-shift manufacturing positions.

I was desperate to find something that would allow me to continue homeschooling the girls. I told people with my lips that I would do "whatever came along", but in my heart I was screaming "NO! NO! I will not give up homeschooling! I will not give up my dream of being a stay at home, homeschooling mom to these beautiful girls! Surely, Father, You approve of what I'm doing here! Surely, You see that this is how You want it to be! ...right?"

Over the last couple of years, God keeps challenging my convictions about being a wife, a mom, and a follower of Jesus. And He is teaching me that, although His Word is truth, He is not bound to my interpretation of how it should happen.

For instance, it is clear that He desires that a wife & mom be the manager of her home (see Titus 2 & Proverbs 31). I took that to mean that it is against His will that I would take a job outside the home. I was called out on this conviction a while ago, and I've been so resistant to asking the Lord what He thinks of it all. Hearing anything other than "Lisha, you stay home!" was not desirable for me.

Nobody called me back. For weeks. I smugly thought, "Well, shucks. Will told me to apply for a job - clearly against God's design - I did it because I had to, but no one is calling back. Guess God showed him!" and I prematurely reveled in God's clear calling that I stay put.

And then I got three phone calls in less than 24 hours.

WHAT.

An interview for a full-time job, an immediate offer of a evening-and-weekends job, and an inquiry about in-home childcare!

After talking with Will, I ended up accepting the part-time job (2-3 evenings per week and weekend hours) and I interviewed for the teaching job. I went to the interview reluctantly. Though I knew I could excel in the position, I did not wholeheartedly want it. It would mean no homeschooling; we'd likely have to enroll my daughters in the school and find child care for my youngest.

The Father and I had plenty of chats about this, and I made sure He knew that I was displeased with the possibility of working full time while other people raised my daughters.

It often went like this:
"Lord, if I get this job, it's like You're asking me to lay down everything that is important to me right now - homeschooling, discipling my daughters full-time, the extra time to minister to others! *stomps foot*"
"That's the point. Are you interested in following Me and what I have for you no matter what, like you tell everyone, or do you believe that I owe you the luxury of being home and doing all these things because you believe in Me?"

Over the next few days - before I heard the decision from the school - I began to understand that my prayer needed to stop being "Please let me get a job where I can still do everything I want to do for You", and it needed to sound more like "Father, whatever job You have for me, make it clear, and help me trust that You'll use it, even if I have to 'give up' being home and homeschooling."

I'd like to tell you that I had a major heart change and that it became so easy to follow Jesus, even if that meant He was leading me where I'd never had any intention of going. The reality is that I still struggle with being grumpy each time I have to leave for work - even though it's just part time (for now). It's hard to see past the selfishness of what I want right now and praise the Lord that I've been given an opportunity to be Will's helpmeet in a very tangible way right now, by increasing our monthly income by about 50%. We'll finally be able to pay all of our bills on time.

The reality is that Jesus asks that we always be willing to lay down everything that is important right now in order to go where He leads, no matter the personal cost. (See Matthew 8:18-22)

Even if that means that we have to go back to the Word and reassess our own 'holy' convictions. It isn't my convictions about Jesus that bring Him the most glory, it's my obedience to Jesus that brings Him the most glory.

So for now, I'll share here as I'm able - but if you want short snippets here and there about what God is doing in my heart and life, please just ask - either on my Facebook page, here in the comments below, or call me (if you have my number already). Joyfully, I will share! I long to take the time to share with you all of the lessons I'm learning from Jesus, but in this new season, blogging will be less frequent, at least until we've settled into our new 'normal' schedule.

Embracing the change in the season,
for His glory!
~Lisha

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Remembering Sarah

What were you doing on October 27, 2001?

I remember. I was at a benefit spaghetti dinner. It was my sophomore year of college.

The guest of honor ruined my life.

Well, that's not entirely true. She ruined the life I was building for myself.

A life lived for me. by me. in my own power.

__________________

Sarah was eight years old. exhausted and weary in body. but full of confidence and an expectant spirit.

and her boldness and joy in our short conversation

has made all the difference in my life.

A life that is now lived for Jesus. by Jesus. in His power alone.

It's a story only the Lord could write.

Sarah's body failed her 12 years ago. tonight. at the precious age of 8. I remember. Every time I hold one of my sweet daughters, I remember. Every time we celebrate Hannah's birthday (October 27), I remember. I tell my girls, often, the story of the little girl that God worked through to rescue me. And I pray over them and for myself, that He will work through our lives however He chooses to bring many others to know His great love. Even though I understand what that cost might be, as their mom.

I rejoice for her, because she got the longing of her heart. She shared this passage with me as she talked about not being able to wait to meet Jesus face to face:

“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.

{John 14:1-3}

How is it that God can take something so evil - so wretched - as a terminal illness and create beauty and life from it? I don't know! But I do know that He can, and He does. 

What's your story? How did the Lord reach out to you?

Remembering,

for His glory!

~Lisha

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Lessons from a crummy morning.

How I Planned For This Morning To Go:
-Wake up earlier than the girls & get ready
-Quiet time (Bible reading, prayer time)
-Make the girls breakfast, and wake them up to the smell of eggs & sausage
-Bible lesson with the girls about how God always takes care of us
-Morning chores with the girls
-Get the girls showered & dressed
-Little bit of school work - reading out loud & math (they love doing school. every day!)
-Help E with her flush procedure

How It Really Went Down:
-Woke up to H crying loudly, and A&E crying because H was crying
-Made breakfast for the girls (dry cereal)
-Watched H have a meltdown in her seat because she didn't want that for breakfast and "I'm not thankful" (said after prayer). Removed H from seat and did not allow her to join us at the table until she stopped screaming and was in a more grateful mood (which did not happen for a little while!).
-Bible time & prayer with a squirming H in my lap while bigger girls finish breakfast
-Bible lesson with the girls about how God always takes care of us
-A announcing that she feels like she's going to (.....takes off for the bathroom) ...throw up.
-Try to soothe A, who is lying on the bathroom floor and crying because her belly hurts
-E, while I was taking care of A, got out some construction paper and scissors and starting being creative alllllllll over the living room by cutting up said paper into hundreds of tiny little pieces, and then
-H getting hold of said scissors and cutting up stickers, papers, and lots of other fun stuff.
-Forget you, morning chores.

When I'm able to prepare for and order my mornings before I go to bed the previous evening, I feel like I've got this homemaker/mom thing DOWN.

And when my plan is blown 5 minutes into the morning, it's easy to believe the lie that I am the WORST, most ill-prepared and ill-equipped woman on the planet who ever bore children. Especially when I immediately give in to the grumpy attitude that rises up when I realize things are not going my way.

Sometimes, junky mornings happen. Way more often than I care to admit. But I'm learning - slowly, but surely - that junky mornings are a FANTASTIC lesson for my girls in how to:

1) stop what I am doing, and pray;
2) confess that my grumpiness is from my selfish belief that things need to go the way I plan;
3) remind myself that I can plan my day all I want, but ultimately I have no control over how things turn out;
4) choose gratitude and joy even as the day is not going as I planned.

I received a chance to practice patience this morning (I blew it, though, so then I received a chance to ask for forgiveness and show my girls what it looks like to screw up, confess, and trust God's forgiveness!). If things had gone my way, I wouldn't have needed to be patient. I also received a chance to snuggle H when she was sad, and rub A's back while she was being sick, and I got to watch E's tender heart toward her sisters when she fetched H's blankie and brought A a cup of water - both without being asked. All things I would have missed it my idea for a smooth morning had been carried out.

Thank You, Lord, for mornings that don't go as planned. Keep my heart soft always toward the lessons You have for the girls & I when Your plan differs from mine.

Trusting God's plan for my day is better than mine,
for His glory!
~Lisha

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sin. repent. repeat. (or: a brief update)

It's been a while since I've been able or have even wanted to sit here and write.

The Lord God Almighty has been faithful to our family, even as we have been so unfaithful to Him. And He has carried us for the last couple of weeks months years.

For those who are unaware, our oldest daughter had surgery in late November (see I did not sign up for this part! for the details). And 3 days later, we moved into a new home.

...December was a rough month for us, as E healed. So slowly. There were lots of rough days. I'll spare you the details, because if you've ever known anyone who had any kind of major surgery, you probably know the details. Will left his job the week before Christmas because he was offered a new job (which did not start until the first week of January).

Amidst the visible changes in my life, there is a much more intense change below the smiley surface. God is confronting and convicting me in a big way about my priorities.

and how i am not the believer that i think i am.
that i am not the believer that most people believe that i am.

and that is draining. and painful. and embarrassing.

it means getting up every morning and starting my day with my nose and my heart in the Word, begging Jesus to somehow give me the presence of mind for every moment of the day to choose what glorifies Him the most because that's not my default setting. even though I want to pretend that it is.

and it means that when i do not do what glorifies Him the most, that i weep, repent and ask Him for the forgiveness that knows no depth. and for the grace to choose better next time. both of which He joyfully extends.

and repeat

over (being snappy in my speech)
and
over (not giving my full attention to will when he's talking)
and
over (asking abby to bring me something that i forgot because i'm too lazy to get up)
and
over (shouting at hannah because she did something that annoys me even though it's not sinful)
and
over (wasting those five minutes 'just checking facebook real quick!' when i know i should be making lunch or supervising the girls' schooling)

until i crawl into bed, to thank Jesus with weary lips that His mercies will come new with the sunrise and that i'll get another chance to choose worship over worry and mercy over meanness and family over facebook.

not yet like Jesus,
but someday i will be-
for His glory
~lisha

I may be sharing this post at these Link-up parties.

Turn to Me!

"Now, therefore,” says the Lord,

“turn to Me with all your heart,

with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning!”

So rend your heart, and not your garments;

return to the Lord your God,

for He is gracious and merciful,

slow to anger, and of great kindness;

and He relents from doing harm!!

[Joel 2:12-13]

God has been doing a deep and mighty work in my heart lately.

He is teaching me (or, I'm finally realizing even though He's been showing me all along!) that I have been living:

1) acting like I have it all together, instead living honestly even when I don't;

2) serving my family because it's a necessary duty, instead serving my family joyfully because I love them;

3) wanting others to see how spiritual I am, instead of openly acknowledging that I am not unless I'm in Christ; and

4) feeling guilty under the weight of my sin instead of fearing the LORD in such a way that I do not choose to sin in the first place and accepting His total forgiveness.

It is a painful place for me to be. Daily I'm being reminded that I, apart from the redemptive work of Christ, am not.

Am not what?

complete. wise. mature. spiritual. loving. kind. joyful. patient. faithful. tempered in my appetites. an excellent wife. a dedicated mother. a decent friend. a decent human being.

Lest you think that I'm in a state of despair - read on! When the Lord chastens and humbles His daughter in such a way, it's because He loves me. Fiercely and completely. Enough to inflict a momentary hurt in exchange for eternal freedom. I hurt, but I know it's because I am loved by Almighty God. I know that this is a good pain to be experiencing. I am not hopeless! Sorrowful, ashamed, angry with myself at times - yes. But never hopeless. The joy that I have right now is that I can put full trust in Jesus and His Word. There will be exuberant joy afterward. But now, a quiet underlying joy that reminds me that He is molding me to be more and more like Jesus.

And here are the sermons and studies that God used powerfully to bring me to this place in my journey with Him:

Examine Yourself - Paul Washer

If My Words Abide In You - John Piper

Seeking Him

...and pretty much any of the Psalms and the book of Romans.

Humbled and clinging to Jesus,

for His glory!

~Lisha :)

For You do not desire sacrifice, or else I would give it;

You do not delight in burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,

a broken and a contrite heart—

these, O God, You will not despise! [Psalm 16-17]

I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the Lord your God!, that you may obey His voice!, and that you may cling to Him!, for He is your life and the length of your days!!!!; [Deuteronomy 30:19-20]

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,

but fools despise wisdom and instruction. [Proverbs 1:7]

He must increase, but I must decrease. [John 3:30]

When pride comes, then comes shame;

but with the humble is wisdom. [Proverbs 11:2]

From that time many of His disciples went back and walked with Him no more. Then Jesus said to the twelve, “Do you also want to go away?” But Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life!! Also we have come to believe and know that You are the Christ, the Son of the living God!" [John 6:66-69]

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Where the rubber meets the highway (or: lessons learned on the road)

What has:

2,600 miles

15 stops with various friends and relations

11 states

6 boxes of cereal

5 travel bags (most of which are full of food & diapers)

4 weeks

3 girls

and

1 tired/thrilled mom?

A 2012 Very Hunter Summer Road Trip, that's what!!

Our route!

We left town on July 19th and did not get home until August 15th. The girls & I visited friends and family in Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, New York, Pennsylvania, Virginia, New Jersey, and Connecticut. There were many sweet memories and fun & impromptu field trips. There were some unexpected delays in travel (severe rain, a full-blown diaper disaster in the carseat, construction, a logging truck accident, and getting lost in both DC & NYC, among others...).

Quiet reading time with my cousins in VT!

I got to reminisce with dear high school and college friends, stay up late with cousins, aunts & uncles I don't get to see often, and to meet a online friend for real! We got to worship the Lord with dear brothers & sisters in northern Vermont and southern Pennsylvania. The girls did a little exploring in the cold ocean waters in Maine and swam in the warm ocean waters of Virginia Beach. They got to ride 4-wheelers with Grandaddy, go kayaking with Grammy & Grampy, and pick their own fresh fruits and veggies from Gram's very own garden. We rode a coal train in PA with Will's Gram. Feeding worms was a hit; painting birdhouses with Auntie Kimm was too; so was playing with all kinds of new toys at other friends' houses. We ate a lot of chicken nuggets and pizza and hot dogs (no complaints at all from the taste-testing department...!) It was a lovely, memorable, exhausting, so-glad-I-did-it-but-it'll-take-a-while-before-I'm-ready-to-drive-on-the-highway-again kind of trip!

E &A, in Casco Bay ME

I had a lot of time to think. Driving between 3-6 hours in between most stops with girls mostly content in the back seats left plenty of opportunities to pray and to listen to the Lord. I thought, initially, that this trip was going to be a 'school on the road' type opportunity for the girls and that it would be a chance for us to catch up with so many people that we don't see often enough.

Ready to head out on the road...again!

But that's not all the Lord had in store for us. It did happen that by the time we got home, I felt like we'd been doing school for about a month already :) and I did get to catch up with people who are so dear to my heart. And in the midst of all of that, here are some lessons the Lord had for me:

*I don't like not knowing where I am, or where I'm going. Jesus kept reminding me of the verse I have over my kitchen sink at home to calm my nervous heart (especially in Washington DC and New York City - eeeek, of all places to be lost!): Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. [Joshua 1:9] Wherever I go. Even in a city I'm not familiar with. Even on Pennsylvania Avenue (which is where we ended up on accident in DC!). No matter where I am, physically or spiritually - Jesus is with me wherever I go. I need not be afraid! There is such freedom in that truth!

This...is not where I was supposed to be!

...neither was this. Impromptu national history lesson
with a captive audience in the back rows!

*As much as I wanted to minister to other people, He used them powerfully to minister to me in ways that I couldn't have imagined. I got to wash dishes and fold laundry and hold babies and do a few other tasks for the families I stayed with, thinking I was being so helpful; and in return, I was challenged, encouraged, and built up in my faith in Christ!

The girls adore their Grandaddy! At Hunter Farm in VA

Hanging out in the "hampster" (hammock...) at
Mr. Tim & Miss Ashley's!

*Life is too short to wait until there's enough time and/or money. There are so many reasons why it seemed like a bad idea to take a 12-year-old rickety Windstar on the road by myself with three little girls with only a few hundred dollars in cash. I had a list of things I could have spent that money on: paying down debt, ordering homeschooling books, putting it in savings, etc. But the trip was so very worth every moment and every dollar spent. I am thankful that Will encouraged me to go!!

Enjoying a beautiful afternoon with Nana (Will's Gram!)
just before taking a ride on the coal train in PA.

*I have a lot to learn from other people - especially when they believe differently than I do! I know this seems like it should be a no-brainer, but sometimes it's easy for me to forget. Paul went to Athens to preach, but he wasn't ignorant of the Greek culture and belief systems there. Listening to the whys and hows of different beliefs broadens my perspective. It strengthened my faith to be challenged by hearing about other religions and by being asked honest and hard questions about my own beliefs!

FRESH raspberries from Gram's garden!

* Life in NH can continue without me. Whoa! This was a hard lesson for my ego. I'm so used to being involved in different capacities outside our home. And what a refreshing reminder for my soul that it is the Lord who is in charge, not me! He is perfectly capable of guiding things quite well in my absence (and, incidentally, when I'm around!). He gently reminded me that my main priority right now is the care and keeping of my family, and that some outside ministry opportunities can wait for another season!

Chillin' at Grammy & Grampy Lane's cabin in ME!

*Will is still my best friend. After being on the road for a month without him, and spending time with friends, relatives - some of whom I consider very close to me - I realized that even my closest friends do not know me as well as he does after all these years (12! wowee!). If something came up that reminded me of Will, and I thought "oh! He'd think that was funny/cute/ridiculous/whatever", ...I'd miss being able to turn to him right away and say that. By the time I left our last stop I had butterflies in my tummy and I was so giggly and just wanted to get home to him and share everything about the last month and hear all about how he had been. After 8 years of being married and having 3 kids, it's really easy to forget that hey, we used to like just hanging out and being around each other and that we were friends before we were husband & wife. It was sweet to be reminded of that.

At the welcome center in PA! Smile!

Before we left for the trip, I was terrified by the what-ifs. What if we break down? What if we run out of money? What if one of the girls gets sick? etc. But Will encouraged me to go, and I'm so glad that he did. 

Virginia Beach!

What if I hadn't? I would have missed out on sweet conversations, treasured memories, and the lessons that God had for me out on the road.

Feeding the worms at Mr. Iain & Miss Erin's house!!

What discoveries & lessons have you made on your travels & journeys? 

And...back home!

A pilgrim just traveling along,

for His glory!

~Lisha :)

The Promise of God

(photo courtesy of Molly Viglione photography!)

Today, we celebrate our eldest daughter,

and how she is a daily reminder

of God's promises

and His patience toward us.

Her name was not chosen because it was popular, or cute, or even because we liked it (although, it helped that we did actually like it), but because God put that name on our hearts even before she was born.

Elizabeth is a Hebrew name that means "the promise of God".

Grace - well, it means grace - the unmerited favor of God toward us.

We are so grateful that for the past 6 years, we have had a constant reminder among us that God always keeps His promises and that His grace is sufficient and real in our home. As I've reflected on His unyielding faithfulness in the midst of the obstacles Elizabeth has had to overcome and live with, I am just overwhelmed that He loves her so much more than we do, and that we can see real, tangible, working evidence of His grace as He's taught her (and us!) to walk by faith.

We love you, Elizabeth Grace. We are blessed to know you, and to be called by God to be your parents! Happy, happy birthday!

Grace and Wisdom: Hannah Sophia

Photo courtesy of Molly Viglione

Tomorrow we will be celebrating our youngest daughter's first birthday! It is a day of sweet significance.

A little over two years ago, on Will's birthday, we discovered that our third child met Jesus before we did after about 8 weeks of pregnancy. We were crushed, but chose to praise God for what He was doing regardless. Not long thereafter, during a routine doctor's appointment, it was revealed to me that I had a major health concern that needed to be dealt with quickly. The doctors advised us not to try to have any more children until I was healthy again. Believing that God had given these doctors wisdom, we chose to heed their advice.

...aaaaand then a few months later, we discovered that we were expecting again, anyways! 

We have not known the gender of our babies before birth - what fun is that?! The names that we had picked out were Paul William (which has been our boy name of choice since before our oldest daughter was born - we just haven't had an occasion to use it yet!) and Hannah Sophia. 

Hannah is a Hebrew name. It means "grace" or "favor".

Sophia comes from the Greek root word that means "wisdom".

How perfect her name is for the season of our lives into which she was born!

God bestowed grace on us, allowing us to even have another blessing to add to our family, and oh! the wisdom of His perfect timing. We found out about Hannah two weeks before I would have been due with our third baby, which means Hannah would be an impossibility had we not miscarried.

Hannah Sophia, you are a treasure to us; a reminder of the grace and wisdom of God in all situations. You delight us, and we know that the Lord is going to use the story of your life to bring glory to Himself. We love you!

For His glory~

Lisha

Teaching: part 1

I first decided I wanted to be a teacher when I was in the 4th grade. Mrs. Zecha was my teacher, and I have fond memories of her and that year of school. In middle school, it was Mrs. Thibodeau & Mr. Emerson that caused me to think more seriously about teaching as a job. Then in high school, Ms. Witty, Mme. Howard, and Ms. Hart -whether they knew it or not- encouraged and inspired me to attend college to pursue a teaching career.

In 2004, I graduated from Keene State College with a degree in mathematics and certification to teach middle & high school math and got an amazing job right away teaching 7th grade in Windham, NH. I had a two-year "career", and I loved the students and my team. And then, our sweet Elizabeth made her grand entrance, and I gave up teaching as a career...

...or had I?

I've been asked on multiple occasions whether I felt like I was throwing my education away by staying home with my children. No. No!! I have not wasted my education - I have redefined my teaching career. I teach my children now. And this year, Elizabeth & Abby started kindergarten at home. I am teaching reading, writing, math, science, and world history. and morals. and responsibility. and self-discipline. and how to make peace. and life skills. and basic culinary arts. and contentment. and so on. I am also actively teaching Hannah how not to eat EVERYTHING off of the floor and how to sleep through the night - also important life skills!

Another age group that the Lord has given me a desire to teach is the young ladies - middle school through early twenties. As I have learned more about Jesus and grown exponentially in my love for His Word, He has shown me that it is a responsibility to the up and coming generations that the older women be willing to teach the Word to them. Not always in a class setting, but by lifestyle, priorities, counsel, and actions. And with each passing year, I am increasingly passionate about seeing the young generation of ladies be challenged to follow Jesus completely, without being tainted by the world around them.

I have the privilege to teach once in a while at Beautiful You - the teen women's club at our church. Club started up for the year a couple of weeks ago, and I was led by the Lord to teach about God's standard for beauty. His Word is His standard. Jesus is our example for beauty. And as women, there are a couple places in the Bible where God clearly lays out what He considers a beautiful woman to be and do. Proverbs 31 is a great start (check out my entry Her Worth is Far Above Rubies! for more about her!). The other place is Titus 2:3-5. Here, the Lord describes what He expects of women in the church. Women who are older are supposed to live a life of teaching the younger ladies what it means to be a godly woman, so that God's Word will not be blasphemed!

So, I traded a career teaching 7th grade math (which is actually quite fun! And crazy! And...mostly crazy!) for a lifetime career of teaching women who are younger than I am what it means to follow Jesus wholeheartedly and refine their God-given standard of beauty in the process. It may not pay any material bills, but the eternal scope of what God is asking of me is astounding. Not because I am a great teacher but because Jesus prepared me to do this before I was ever created (see Ephesians 2)!! 

And if you are reading this, and you are a woman who belongs to Jesus, let me encourage you that you, too, are called to be a Titus 2 woman. The Lord will equip you with everything you need to teach the younger generations, if you will obey Him! Do your daughters need teaching? How about a lonely young mother? Or the college-aged ladies who don't yet know what God wants them to do with their lives? Reach out! Don't hoard the lessons God has taught you for yourself - share His Word and His Truth with those who are younger than you. [And, in return, be prepared to be taught by them, too]

Oh, Lord, may every single moment be spent pointing my husband, my daughters, and all of the young women in my life to Your holiness and beauty!!! Oh, that every breath would bring You the glory You deserve!

In His grace, and

for His glory!

Lisha :)

...her worth is far above rubies!

Let me introduce you to a woman that I have learned much from and have come to love dearly!

She is kind. She is strong, both emotionally and physically. She is a hard worker. She makes wise financial investments. She doesn't get tired often. She makes all of the clothes for her entire family. Her husband is a respected member of the community. She has compassion on those who are needy. She is faithful. She is not an angry or contentious woman. She is full of joy and has no fear about her future. She loves working with her hands.

She is the woman described in Proverbs 31. The "Excellent Wife" (or Virtuous Wife, depending on the translation you use). Here she is, in all her beauty:

Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
so he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good
and not evil all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
and willingly works with her hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
she brings her food from afar.
She also rises while it is yet night,
and provides food for her household,
and a portion for her maidservants.
She considers a field and buys it;
from her profits she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength,
and strengthens her arms.
She perceives that her merchandise is good,
and her lamp does not go out by night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
and her hand holds the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor,
yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household is clothed with scarlet.
She makes tapestry for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates,
when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies sashes for the merchants.
Strength and honor are her clothing;
she shall rejoice in time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and on her tongue is the law of kindness.
She watches over the ways of her household,
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many daughters have done well,
but you excel them all.”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
but a woman who fears the LORD,
she shall be praised!!
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her own works praise her in the gates.
[Proverbs 31:10-31]


Every time I read this passage - underlined, highlighted, circled, noted to the max in my Bible - I am further inspired and convicted that I want to imitate her. In providing a husband and children for me, the Lord has placed on me the high and noble calling of growing into the Proverbs 31 woman - a virtuous wife and mother. A strong, intelligent, financially sound, wise, diligent, compassionate, selfless, (seemingly) tireless lady who spends her time taking great care of her husband, children, maidservants (I wouldn't mind having a couple of those around!), and her home.


The Lord has given me a deep desire to be more and more like this lovely lady, who smiles at all the days to come. Even though she knows each day will require hard work and there probably won't be much appreciation. She doesn't do it for the applause - she does it because she loves her family and fears the LORD. She knows this is what He is asking of her, and she tries to do it excellently!

It breaks my heart that there seem to be so few women who really desire to be virtuous wives today (there are plenty who want to be good wives by a modern standard, but not many that would follow a scriptural definition). Why is it that so many women scoff incredulously at being like the woman of Proverbs 31?


I think it has to do with the lies we've bought into about being modern-day women. 
*"Her lamp doesn't go out at night AND she's up early dishing out food, even for her maids?! When does she get her recommended 6-8 hours of sleep? I could never do that. I'm a night owl/earlybird/fill-in-the-blank-with-reasons-you-don't-want-to-be-like-her!!!"
*"When does she have girls' nights out away from her kids? I need a break from my family every so often. I could never be so diligent. I need time for myself!"
*"Make things instead of buying them?! Spend my days cleaning my house and teaching my children to be good stewards of what we have? But I've got too many meetings and too many playgroups and too many church activities; I'm tired, and I don't have the time to do those things. Besides, I can just buy food and clothes and my kids will learn real-life skills from their school!"

...and on and on and on and on they go. The many reasons why we, as wives and moms, don't believe we can fill the shoes of the woman God has lauded as 'virtuous'. She is a relic of the past; she is the standard of a different time when there weren't modern conveniences and 'liberated' women.

And some of you may be thinking...
Times have changed, Lisha! Life's not like that anymore! It's too traditional/old-fashioned/backwards/insulting to expect that a woman's 'occupation' should be only to be an excellent wife and a mom! What a waste of talent and strength, to keep a woman at home!

My friends, especially my married and/or mom friends: the honorable title of "Excellent Wife" is a great reward. It is valuable! And it IS doable! Not because women are awesome, but because God is awesome and in His grace he allows us to be slowly (over a lifetime!) transformed into a godly, virtuous wife and mom. And He gives us wisdom as we grow to see that being "just" a wife and mom is a most glorious and wonderful calling.

If God has given you with a husband and/or children, He bids you to come to Him, and He will cover your shame and shortcomings with abundant grace. He invites you to accept His forgiveness of your sins, and to walk gloriously in the role of wife and mom He's made you for!!

Does it mean that you're going to wake up early each morning with a big smile on your face and never get mad and you're going to have to be a perfect wife and mom every moment of every day? No! Because we all have sinned and fall short of God's glory and His perfect standard, no woman is capable of being a perfect wife or mom. Not you, not me (oh, golly, certainly not me! I miss that mark every hour...), not anyone. The Lord has given us mercy in that area through Jesus' atonement for our sin. He asks that we strive for excellence, not perfection. And in those moments when we fail, He picks us up, encourages us with His Word and His love and other women who are in the same situation, and gives us grace to keep striving.

My prayer right now is that you would be inspired to hope for and work toward excellence as a wife and mom, if you've been called to those. That you would desire to spend your days loving your husband and/or your children, even if it means dropping some other things. Love always involves a sacrifice; for wives and moms, it's usually a sacrifice of time (and sleep). I am praying for you, dear one, that you would joyfully realize that being a wife and/or mom is beautiful role and that you would want to emulate this lady. What better way to share (and grow in) the love, patience, grace, mercy, and forgiveness of Jesus Christ than to start with those you love the dearest?

If you'd like to take a closer look at the Proverbs 31 woman, here are some wonderful resources:
-Proverbs 31:10-31 [quoted above]
-The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace
-Beautiful in God's Eyes:
      The Treasures of the Proverbs 31 Woman by Elizabeth George

And here are some other fantastic resources for wives and moms:
-Stay-at-Home Mom by Donna Otto
-Open Heart, Open Home by Karen Mains
-My Heart's at Home by Jill Savage
-Authentic Beauty and Set-Apart Femininity by Leslie Ludy
-The Power of a Praying Wife and
       The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian
-Becoming a Titus 2 Woman by Martha Peace
-The "I heartily recommend..." list of blogs on the left side of this page!
[These are by no means exhaustive lists!]

Dear friend, if you are a wife or mom or a homemaker, it's not just because you chose it, but because the Lord created you for it long before the foundation of the world. Your work is important to Him. It is no little thing to be "just" a wife and mom. Great men & women throughout all of history were nurtured and raised by women who took their "job" seriously and strove for excellence. Will your husband or children be raised to greatness because of your excellence and obedience, for God's glory? Join me on this journey of growth in grace and excellence...

Only by His grace, and for His glory!
Lisha

I may be sharing this post at these Link-up parties!

~~~~~~~~~~
P.S.

...her worth is far above rubies. [v.10]

Rubies are some of the most valuable gems on the planet. A real ruby is rarer than many other gemstones. And God - the God who spoke all of the rubies ever into existence  - the God who never, ever changes - declares that a wife who strives for excellence in her role is MORE VALUABLE than rubies. You, as you choose to grow in excellence, are more precious to God than the rarest gems on Earth. And infinitely more beautiful.

Want to know a bit more about rubies? Check out www.gemstone.org and search "Gem by Gem" for them. Read about how rare a perfect ruby is, and be encouraged that your work in your home and the work God is doing in your heart is worth more than the money people spend on gems.

don't look back.

Last week, as the girls and I were leaving the house for a playdate, Abby walked full speed into one of the posts out in the driveway. She did so because she was busy trying to watch something more interesting going on behind her; she plowed into an obstacle that would have been easily avoidable if she'd been paying attention. 

"Abby," I told her, "you can't walk forward and look behind you at the same time! You need to watch what's going on in front of you." 

She was unfazed (mostly) by the incident and we got in the car and had a wonderful afternoon with some good friends of ours. 

I am thankful that God has given me the children He has and that He uses them so often to teach me the lessons He wants me to learn. 

You can't walk forward and look behind you at the same time. You need to watch what's going on in front of you. 

This gentle reminder to my soul came in a timely fashion, as God's lessons usually do. I have been sorely tempted to walk forward while watching over my back these last few weeks, as we quickly approach what would have been my due date had we not miscarried last summer. How easy it is to "look over my shoulder" and daydream about how glorious my life would have been these last 6 months if only I was still expecting! And as I spend my time wondering about the "what if"s and "could have been"s, I miss out on the moments that are making my life glorious right now!! Which moments with my daughters have I missed because I was wishing I had another one on the way? 

You can't walk forward and look behind you at the same time! It is hard to grow spiritually as I'm forgetting the lessons that I learned so many months ago. 

My dear friend, maybe you are in a similar situation. Maybe you keep fuming over a friendship that ended on a sour note years ago. Maybe you are bent on getting your spouse back for a hurtful comment made last week. Maybe you're reminiscing about the "good old days" and wishing you could go back to a time when life's problems were easier to deal with. 

If you are spending your time thinking about the past; if you are watching over your shoulder instead of watching where you're going; if you are content to miss out on the things that are going on around you to focus on things that are not anymore - you are missing out on your life now! 

That's not to say that you can't learn from your past. It would be foolish if we never learned from our mistakes or from our experiences. But God makes it clear in the Bible that He desires us to fix our eyes on what is to come, not on what was. Fix your eyes upon Jesus - who will be coming again! And, as a further admonition, God tells us that Jesus looked to the joy set before Him, and thus was able to endure the shame and the pain of the cross. The apostle Paul exhorts us to run the race with perseverance to the finish. I don't know about you, but I've never attended a race where people are running while watching what's going on behind them. We are to hope in the Lord and in the good plans He has for our future. We are not to look behind us and either long for those good old days nor be angry or unforgiving about the bad events of the past. 

My friend, if you are trying to walk forward but you keep stumbling because you are watching all that went on behind you, let me encourage you today to fix your gaze upon Jesus Christ, who can take all of your hurts and your frustrations and your worries, past and present, and show you the joy that He has set before you. You don't have to clean yourself off before you call out to Him; come as you are. Wounded, dusty, flustered, anxious, doubtful. He does not turn anyone away who is willing to walk forward and seek Him and the life He has so abundantly prepared for you to walk into!

www.blog.wordsearchbible.com

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a brief introduction.

Christmas is a glorious time of year. I enjoy almost every aspect of the season - decorating the house, getting together more often with family, Christmas cards, the music, snow, etc. It all brings back memories of being a child and the excitement & anticipation, and it tends to bring out the best in people (side note: someone recently commented that Christmas is the time of year when everyone acts the way they should act all the time.).

Over the past several years, I have gained a deeper appreciation of Christmas. It wasn't until I was introduced to the love of Jesus and was confronted with my sinful heart that I was able to grasp the significance of Jesus' birth.

One of my friends from my Keene days had a little sister who was very ill back in the fall semester of 01. She knew Jesus well, and a couple of months before she passed away she was willing to introduce me to Him. She (and her mom & sisters) shared His love and His mercy and His wisdom and His grace with me. It left me speechless. I was agnostic at the time; a liberally minded young woman who wanted nothing to do with the rampant hypocrisy of the church or the elitism of the evangelical crowd. The judgments I held toward Jesus' followers blinded me from getting to know Jesus. Her gentle introduction completely ruined the foundation of my life - because what I had been building my life on (success. popularity. power. good grades.) was sinking sand.

I mulled her words over for the next couple of months and was willing to accept that God existed and that Jesus had indeed come to earth to die a death for sin. But my sin? Really? I hadn't really done anything terribly wrong. I had hurt people; I told some lies; I had a manipulative streak. But so did other people. I didn't feel like I was any worse off than anyone I knew, and I certainly knew I was better than lots of other people. It took months for me to understand that the cost for any sin is spiritual death, and that each person who has ever walked the face of the planet (except Jesus) was a sinner, worthy of eternal death. Once I accepted that, and acknowledged how unworthy I was of God's love, I was able to then rejoice in the grace He extended by sending His Son, Jesus, to die in my place at Calvary.

My life has been turned upside down. All those things that I thought were so very important - having everyone like me, making everyone proud of me, following all the rules, having a great money-making career and an awesome house - that stuff is temporary. Jesus has given me the assurance that there is a better home that awaits me if I am willing to count the temporary stuff as just that and focus my energy on God and His eternal love for me and for everyone around me.

I hope you're able to better appreciate and understand why it is that Jesus' birth was so necessary and why it was such an occasion for praise and joy. Without His birth, His death could not have happened, and it is His death and resurrection that can give you the hope of eternal and abundant life. If you don't know Jesus well (and even if you do!), pick up a Bible and read it. Start with the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke or John, but don't stop there. The Bible says that Jesus is the Word of God - you'll find His life and His love throughout each book and chapter. Get to know Him; He's a friend that will change your life forever.

[Sarah passed away a week before Christmas, 2001, a few months before her ninth birthday...I am grateful that she was willing to reach out and give hope to me, even though she had never met me before and didn't see me again before the Lord called her home. I am looking so forward to seeing her in heaven and getting to sit at the feet of Jesus with her!]

Introducing others to Jesus,

for His glory!

~Lisha

Abundant Life!

[First posted on MySpace: 03.03.2008]


the message at church yesterday was about living joyfully. 

do i live each day overflowing with true joy? 

sometimes. most days i don't though. 

lately i've been falling prey to the pity-me syndrome, especially around will and the girls. i wake up complaining about how much work i have to do, or about how sick i feel, or about how frustrated i am that the girls are both teething and so i am not getting more than 2-3 hours of sleep at night, or really fill in the blank with anything. i complain. it's a miserable existance most days. i also find it really easy sometimes to blame everyone else on the planet for anything that goes wrong. that also makes for a miserable day. 

so i was eager to hear about how i could get the true joy back into my life. have you ever been there? desperate for someone to tell you how to find joy again (or maybe even for the first time)? 

really, living joyfully is about taking the focus off of me and focusing on God. life is not about me. or you. or your spouse (or significant other). or your kids. or your career, your car, your house, your salary...you get the idea. when i stop being self-centered, or even other people-centered (because face it...people are sinners and eventually let you down at least once!), and start living a God-centered existance, life becomes not only bearable but it overflows with a true joy. 

now please allow me to clarify. "joy" is not the same as "happiness". joy is deep-rooted; happiness is a temporary emotion. i am not saying that if you live a God-centered life that you will always be happy - oh no, my friend. there are too many heartbreaking, gutwrenching things going on for us to always be happy. i am saying, though, that if you live believing that God is in complete control of every situation (even the bad ones), something happens to your soul. there comes a calm assurance that no matter what happens, God is there with you and you can at least be grateful for His presence in your life. (ever read that poem footprints?) sometimes all we have to be grateful for is the fact that He is willing to carry us when we are too weak to walk. that joy and peace will overflow eventually and others will be drawn - not to you (because it is not about you!!!) but to the One who loves you and cares for you. 

Jesus says in the Gospel of John, "I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly." (10:10) He never says "I have come that they might live by a strict set of rules and regulations and then only if they act good enough will I allow them to live a good life." He was born, He lived, He died and He rose from the dead that we -anyone who believes- might have ABUNDANT life. not a meager existence, not a purposeless stay on earth, but an abundant, everlasting life. full of God's love...full of God's peace...full of the joy of knowing that God is in control and that He has our best interest at heart. 

so i went home from church and prayed out loud with abby and elizabeth (will was at sunday school) while i did the dishes. we thanked God for just about everything we could think of, and sure enough my heart was lightened and my pityme mood faded away. i have been encouraged to live joyfully and focus on how great God is and how thankful i am for His unfailing, unchanging, unconditional love. 

you can live the abundant life that is overflowing with joy, too. place your trust and your heart in God. acknowledge that Jesus can save you from a meaningless existance...and begin to live joyfully!

Have mercy!

In the weeks following the miscarriage, I used the word "mercy" when I was explaining to people how I was doing.

"God has been so merciful..." 

"He has just surrounded me with His mercy." 

"In God's mercy He has...." 

After using the word about a thousand times, I was pondering what the word mercy really means. Have you ever done that before? Use a word that you are familiar with and have used before, only to realize that you really couldn't give a good definition of that word? So the words of my 7th grade Language Arts teacher rang in my head: "Look it up!" 

A Bible concordance is a wonderful resource. (For those of you unfamiliar with a concordance: it is a reference tool that lists every single word from the Bible, in alphabetical order (ours uses the King James Version), where it is found in Scripture, and shows you what Hebrew or Greek word it was translated from. 

So I cracked open the concordance and looked up "mercy", "merciful", "mercies", and "mercyseat" (they are all on the same two pages, anyway!). I found that there are 12 different words in Hebrew that are translated as "mercy" or a derivation of it in the Old Testament, 9 words translated as "mercy" or a derivation of it in the New Testament. You see, much like in our language, Hebrew & Greek words can mean similiar things but have subtle nuances that distinguish them from one another. Take "kind", "nice", "courteous", etc. All convey the same basic characteristic, but each give has a slightly different connotation.

Armed with my previous notion of what mercy is (OK, folks. Let's be honest with our Sunday School answers. "Mercy is when God doesn't give us what we deserve." Or something like that. That's what I have been told/have thought since I accepted Christ.), I looked up all of the references and Hebrew & Greek words. And...wow. 

God's mercy is more than just Him not giving us what we deserve (which is Hell. If you don't agree, we can talk about it sometime!). 

The word that is most often translated as "mercy" in the Old Testament is the Hebrew word checed (pronounced kheh-sed) It is defined as such: kindness, favor, good deed, pity. [If you want all the references where this word is located, I've got them all. Just ask.] 

For instance: my Psalm reading today was Psalm 90. Verse 14 is translated: Oh, satisfy us early with Your mercy, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days! (NKJV) 

Using the "Sunday School" definition, it could be interpreted: "Oh, satisfy us early with Your not giving us what we really deserve, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days!" 

...but...what was meant was "Oh, satisfy us early with Your kindness...Your favor...Your good deeds..., that we may rejoice and be glad all our days!" 

What a richer picture of our Father in heaven! Not that He would just satisfy us by withholding due punishment for our sins, but that He would satisfy our souls with His loving kindness and favor toward us! 

Another word that is translated as "mercy" is chanan (get out your phlegmy "ch"! It's pronouned khaw-nan), and it means to bend or stoop in kindess to an inferior, to favor, bestow, beseech, implore, grant, or intreat. It is mostly found in the Psalms: Deuteronomy 7:2, Psalm 4:1, Psalm 6:2, Psalm 9:13, Psalm 25:16, Psalm 26:11, Psalm 27:7, Psalm 30:10, Psalm 31:9, Psalm 37:21,26, Psalm 41:4,10, Psalm 51:1, Psalm 56:1, Psalm 57:1, Psalm 59:5, Psalm 67:1, Psalm 86:3,16, Psalm 119:58,132, Psalm 123:2,3, Proverbs 14:21,31. 

For example, Psalm 51:1 reads, "Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; according to the multitude of your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions." 

If you're unfamiliar with this psalm, King David of Israel wrote this after being confronted about his adultery with Bathsheba (and having her husband Uriah killed to cover up their indiscretion!). If any man had cause to beg for God not to give him what he deserved in that moment, it was King David. But if you read it with the word chanan, it is like this: "Bend down, stoop down in Your kindness towards me, even though I am not worthy of it, according to Your lovingkindness, according to Your tender mercies (which is actually another word - we'll get to that later), blot out my transgressions." It's like David is crying out, "come near me, because You love me, and take away my sin." Not this picture of a vengeful God who is again withholding just punishment, but David crying out with a broken heart to a God who will hear, respond, and wipe his slate clean. Wow. Just wow. 

How many times, when we screw up (royally, or just a little bit) do we get this notion in our finite brains that God is rolling His eyes, wondering "WHAT in the world was she thinking?" while we, on earth, are down on our knees begging God not to chastise us, when in fact, like David, we could be crying out "have mercy on me Lord! Come down and hold my hand, and please take away my sin, as only You can." [Note: sometimes, God chooses to chastise us when we sin. Not because He enjoys it, but because He loves us and wants us to learn from our mistakes.] 

(I'll pick one more Hebrew word to write about. I just realized how long this note is getting. Let me tell you, I have pages of notes, and it is all fascinating. I'll probably write more later, about the Greek words. Only God could handpick and plan the words He chose for mercy!) 

The last word I'll talk about (for now! There's 9 more!) is the Hebrew word racham (pronounced: rakh-am), and it means "compassion (of the womb), tender love, mercy, pity, cherishing. The connotation is that it is like the tender compassion a woman has toward her child. 

Let's go to Daniel 9:9. Daniel is praying for the people of Israel, who are in the captivity in Babylon. "...To the Lord our God belong mercy and forgiveness, though we have rebelled against Him." 

Can you see it!? Not, "To the Lord our God belong an ability not to punish us and to forgive us even though we have rebelled against Him" BUT "To the Lord our God belong a tender compassion and love and mercy for His people and He cherishes us and forgives us, even though we have rebelled against Him." Wow! Wow! Wow! 

Are you in awe yet? I am, completely. That the God who would be totally right to punish us for our sin, has chosen to lavish us with tender compassion, love, kindness, favor, and to pursue and implore our hearts to turn our wicked hearts back to Him. 

What a merciful God! Truly!

Thankful for His mercy,

for His glory!
~Lisha

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It is better to give than receive. Really!

This year, I finally got to go on the JBC Ladies' Retreat. It is a weekend that I have looked forward to for two years now; a chance to leave Will & the girls at home and spend more than 15 minutes (like I do every Sunday after church!) chatting with and being encouraged by the ladies that I have gone to church with for the last 7 years. 

Expectations for a life-changing weekend were high. Every retreat/conference type meeting I have been to since I accepted Jesus as my Savior has excited me and revolutionized my life. So I couldn't wait for what God was going to show me. I packed my Bible and my notebook, my hopes and expectations, my Keene State hoodie and two favorite blankets (hey! it's getting cold out!!), other necessary going-away-for-a-weekend type things, and an Iced Coffee...away I went! 

The woman who spoke did a marvelous job. She is so concise and clear when she speaks. God has given her the ability to communicate His truth to women, in both large groups and in a one-on-one setting. I am so thankful for her in my life!! I was so ready to receive whatever nuggets of amazing truth God had laid on her heart. 

The first session was focused on why and how various trials come into our lives. Sometimes our trials are to strengthen our character and our faith; sometimes it's so that people can look at us and notice the love, joy and peace of Christ in the midst of hardship; sometimes it is so that we can reach out to others who are going through what we've already experienced; always it is for us to glorify the Lord. Trials can come from Satan, but that is not always the case. Sometimes, our own blatant disobedience can result in trials, and sometimes the Lord Himself allows us to go through trials to cause us to become more like His Son. (Lisha's short n sweet version...the real thing was much better!) 

...and to be so very honest, I didn't really feel that I needed to be told that. No big revelation there, Lord. I'm in the middle of it. God has been good to show me different reasons why He has given and taken my youngest child from me. 

But there were two more sessions, and 24 more hours! Plenty of time for a life-changing moment!! 

I got to meet some godly women that I didn't really know that well while we had dinner (and it was a fabulous dinner!). Then, off to the next session! The message was about how very, very, very much God loves me. 

...and I was slightly disappointed. "God," went the one-sided conversation, "I didn't need to be reminded of that, either. Really. I have been overwhelmed by the depth of Your love that You have poured out on me through my friends and family in these last few weeks. I know You love me. I have not doubted that. When am I going to get my life-changing message? What do you have to teach me this weekend? Is there something I'm just missing?" 

The evening was fun. We did lots of crafty activities. I learned how to make lip balm and bath salts and we made pancake, cookie, and soup mixes to take home, followed by ice cream sundaes and about 3 hours of chatting about amusing high school memories with one of the ladies that I went to CHS with, mixed in with conversations with the "younger women" (not really part of that crowd anymore! Eeek! :-O ) about their life dreams and ambitions. Overall it was a great evening! 

6:00AM came, and I was awake for it. (WHAT?! My weekend away from the kiddos...who usually sleep in until 9:30...and I was up at 6, on my own?! Gooooooooood gravy!) I laid in bed, trying to thank God for being able to watch the sky lighten up, and my heart, mind and spirit were confuzzled about all of the things I had been pondering the previous day. 

There was a prayer walk (which turned into a prayer sit on the rocks, because the grass was so wet and cold that our shoes got soaked through!) which was beautiful and breakfast which was oatmeal. (Did you know that people make their oatmeal with milk instead of water? That was something I did learn this weekend. Hmm.) Session three focused on the story of the prodigal son (see Luke 15 if you're not familiar with the story). We focused on the reaction of the father and the older son to the actions and return of the younger (prodigal) son. I learned a couple of interesting facts, and gained a new perspective of a story I've read a few times. But there was no "OOOOH! I get it now!!" moment. "Golly," I thought, "should I have even come?" 

During our down time that followed lunch (um. I almost choked at lunchtime. Praise God for putting some nurses at my table. Like, 3 of them! Two on either side of me and one on the other side of the table! Really! Slightly embarrassing, choking on a wayward crouton. But I digress.), I was speaking with a lady who is very dear to me, and has known me much longer than I've been a Christian. I was telling her about my lack of "aha!" moment and how I was waiting for it. She mentioned that sometimes, in her experience, that moment won't hit for days, maybe weeks. Months. Years. Quite concievably there will be a season in my life when I don't see why God has brought a certain trial to my life, or maybe that I could forget just how much God loves me, and I will remember what I have heard here. 

Ok. I could believe that. But I was still bummed that my life hadn't been changed much. I didn't feel like I had gotten much out of the weekend. 

We gathered for our last session, which was a time to share anything we wanted about the weekend. I had heard that last year's reflection time was outstanding and moving, and so I was anticipating my aha moment here. There were meaningful lessons shared. I was thankful to hear what God had done in other hearts, but still I didn't hear anything that I really, deeply related to. 

We packed up and left. It was a quiet ride home for me. I mulled things over, replayed the weekend in my mind, and tried so hard to figure out what I had learned. And I couldn't come up with anything. The fault had to lie with me, because, you understand, God is perfect in all His ways, and I am not. Thus, if I felt I was missing or lacking, one of two things was happening: 1) God had provided all that I was lacking, and I had utterly missed it, or 2) what I thought I was lacking, I wasn't actually lacking at all. (Does that make sense? I hope so; it makes sense to me.) 

So...fast forward to about 10pm last night. The girls were in bed, so Will and I finally were talking about our weekends without being interrupted! I unloaded all that was on my heart about the retreat, and in doing so, I was gently reminded of a saying that one of our dear friends had shared with us a few weeks ago. It is something to the effect of: We shouldn't be going to church (or in my case, a retreat) to get anything. People who go to church (retreats) looking for something usually end up unfulfilled. You go to give. Give God the worship He deserves for the work He is doing in your heart. Give others the encouragement they might need. Give others a compassionate shoulder to cry on. Give tired moms a break. Give of your time and service to nourish weary bodies and souls. Jesus didn't come to get. Jesus came to give. God gives us all good things, not because He gets, but because He loves us. 

And then I felt really stupid. I had totally gone with the intention of getting, and did not even think about what I could be giving. There are women who spent their whole weekend giving, and you could tell by Sunday evening because their physical apprearance practically screamed at me how tired they were but they were rejoicing at how awesome the weekend was. 

So I've been feeling stupid for pretty much all day today, having this conversation with the Lord that goes on and on, and like this: "Sooooo, now, Lord, I feel like I wasted a weekend to serve You because I was so self-absorbed in my trial and in how much You love me that I forgot to pass it on!" and He, being the patient and merciful God that He is, has been speaking to my heart all day: "I still love you. Take what you learned and start passing it on, right now. Start giving; it's not too late!" 

As I was tucking Elizabeth and Abby in, I got my big aha! moment. I let God prompt me to hold each of them so close and tell them how much God loves them. That He will never, ever, leave them, no matter what bad choices they make, no matter how many times they sin, no matter where they are. That they can never, ever get away from how much Jesus loves them. That the same God who created all of heaven and earth created Elizabeth Grace and Abigail Ruth fearfully and wonderfully. I got to pass on that which I already knew, that I have known for so long, but had never really taken the time to pass it on to my babies because I took that knowledge for granted. I needed this weekend to be reminded that I have been given the responsibility to share His love with two precious little girls who need to know His unconditional love toward them! 

Mommy, E, & A...Spring 2010

I'm glad to report then, that my weekend, though it may have seemed it at the time, was indeed not a waste. Many, many thanks to a God who is gracious and merciful, abounding in love and slow to anger with me!! And thanks to the beautiful and godly women who let God work through them in a powerful way, whether or not they can see it now. Thanks for passing on God's love and for being His hands, His feet, His heart, and His eyes! May God continue to renew and rejuvenate your hearts this week. Thanks for speaking the truth, in love, to a heart that needed to hear it. To God be the glory! :) 

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." 
-Romans 5:1-5