sin. repent. repeat. (or: a brief update)

It's been a while since I've been able or have even wanted to sit here and write.

The Lord God Almighty has been faithful to our family, even as we have been so unfaithful to Him. And He has carried us for the last couple of weeks months years.

For those who are unaware, our oldest daughter had surgery in late November (see I did not sign up for this part! for the details). And 3 days later, we moved into a new home.

...December was a rough month for us, as E healed. So slowly. There were lots of rough days. I'll spare you the details, because if you've ever known anyone who had any kind of major surgery, you probably know the details. Will left his job the week before Christmas because he was offered a new job (which did not start until the first week of January).

Amidst the visible changes in my life, there is a much more intense change below the smiley surface. God is confronting and convicting me in a big way about my priorities.

and how i am not the believer that i think i am.
that i am not the believer that most people believe that i am.

and that is draining. and painful. and embarrassing.

it means getting up every morning and starting my day with my nose and my heart in the Word, begging Jesus to somehow give me the presence of mind for every moment of the day to choose what glorifies Him the most because that's not my default setting. even though I want to pretend that it is.

and it means that when i do not do what glorifies Him the most, that i weep, repent and ask Him for the forgiveness that knows no depth. and for the grace to choose better next time. both of which He joyfully extends.

and repeat

over (being snappy in my speech)
and
over (not giving my full attention to will when he's talking)
and
over (asking abby to bring me something that i forgot because i'm too lazy to get up)
and
over (shouting at hannah because she did something that annoys me even though it's not sinful)
and
over (wasting those five minutes 'just checking facebook real quick!' when i know i should be making lunch or supervising the girls' schooling)

until i crawl into bed, to thank Jesus with weary lips that His mercies will come new with the sunrise and that i'll get another chance to choose worship over worry and mercy over meanness and family over facebook.

not yet like Jesus,
but someday i will be-
for His glory
~lisha

I may be sharing this post at these Link-up parties.