Intimidation.

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(scene from The Little Giants)

"...has it occurred to you that you are...well,

...a little intimidating?

I mean, that maybe when other people look at you, they see that you've set the bar so high for yourself that we all assume that you set the bar that high for us too - even if you don't think you do? And that some people feel inadequate just being around you, or when they see your online posts, or when you're teaching..."

The Lord knows that I'm in a time of my life when I need to hear hard things. I've had conversations where something like the above comment was mentioned FIVE times in the last couple months - which means God is trying a message through!! And He has been faithful to put in my path a women who are faithful to speak those hard things. In love, because they care. He has also given me the gift of Will, who knows me better than anyone else, and is openly honest with me about my weaknesses.

When it comes to my own heart and my relationship with the Lord - I want perfection. I want excellence all of the time. I want to be a beautiful ambassador for Jesus.

I have been so full of pride. I have faltered while thinking I'm okay.

One of the proverbs that utterly. terrifies. me. is 25:26:
A righteous man who falters before the wicked is like a murky spring and a polluted well.

Do you know what happens when people try to find refreshment by drinking from a murky spring or polluted well?! Disease! Maybe even death! They end up sicker and weaker than when they began!

I cannot describe to you the deep-down terror I feel at the idea that someone would come to me for encouragement, or examine my life to see what Jesus is all about, and go away from me spiritually weaker than when they began. I want my life, my heart, my words, my actions, my motives to be a neon sign that points straight to Jesus Christ and His mercy and love and patience and might - always. And because of that, I don't graciously tolerate less than perfection from myself, as it pertains to my journey with the Lord.

The strife comes when I project that desire for "perfect" onto other people. Like my husband, or daughters, or fellow moms, or other brothers & sisters in the Lord, or ...anyone. There is pain, discord, and broken fellowship when I hold them to the standard that only Jesus Christ can attain!

People let people down. I let people down every single day (mainly, Will & the girls, because they are who I spend most of my time with!). It's what people do! I have been so foolish to expect & require perfection from everyone around me and myself. For years, I have been breaking hearts and driving the people I love the most AWAY from the Savior, because I inadvertently expected them to look exactly like Him when really I expected that I should look exactly like Him.

God is showing me (because I'm finally willing to see!!) that there is a huge difference between:
1) expecting/demanding consistent excellence from myself and others, and
2) striving toward becoming excellent in those areas where Jesus has called me while gently guiding and encouraging others to also strive toward excellence in those areas where Jesus has called them.

For instance:
Doing these things

• demanding my daughters have a perfectly clean room, flawless manners, and impeccably sweet attitudes all of the time only teaches my daughters that it's the outward appearance that matters.
• expecting myself to be able to maintain a perfectly clean home every single day only leave me feeling guilty and overwhelmed by my struggle with laziness - and may compel me to only worry about the surface cleaning - taking shortcuts to make sure everything looks okay at a first glance.
• requiring that my husband should always be completely loving - patience, kind, not arrogant, not rude, never failing - teaches him that I think he's a failure because he can't do what only Jesus can do.

...kills joy, love, peace, patience...you name it. No wonder I'm a drag to be around! Ugh!

But this approach

• extending grace to my girls when their room is not clean - maybe giving appropriate consequences when they trash the place but understanding that they are girls and they love to play with each other (and what a huge blessing that is!), or reminding them as many times as necessary to say thank you/please/excuse me/etc because love is kind, or remembering that even I don't have an impeccably sweet attitude all of the time and showing them what repentance looks like when I don't...that teaches them that the Lord cares about their hearts and how they treat others.
• giving myself grace when the dishes are still in the sink or the laundry is still in the washer, and just getting up every morning and trying for one. more. day. to battle the desire to be lazy, knowing that each small victory is a step toward excellence.
• encouraging Will to look to Jesus as the example while pouring grace and mercy all over his heart when he gets distracted...

fosters life - abundant life in Christ! - and growth in the Spirit.

Oh, Lord, I'm so slow, but I'm learning. I'm so sorry that I resisted Your way of grace for so long, to Will's grief and the girls' frustration, and to the hurt of my friends & family. Help me to let go of my deadly grip on intimidating perfection & my own excellence, and to lean hard on Your grace, Your compassion, and Your excellence. It's not my perfection in You that draws people; it's You loving me patiently in my imperfection that is most beautiful.

Seeking His excellence,

for His glory!

~Lisha

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anguish...and hope! [Lamentations 3]

image from www.shellibourque.com

One of the first places I turn to is Lamentations 3:22-24 when my soul is troubled: "Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I hope in Him!' But I don't take the time to read what's around those verses. 

It's easy to search out verses that bring me peace, but I need to take in the whole counsel of God - not just the bits and pieces of passages that I find comforting. So I read most of the book of Lamentations (5 chapters - it's in between the books of Jeremiah and Ezekiel). Jeremiah wrote this lament over Jerusalem, and it's not uplifting at all, save the few verses in chapter 3. He describes the utter shaming of his people, his homeland; how the judgement of God had come upon them. He writes of starvation, death, destruction. Jeremiah is in anguish over the state of things - and that God has allowed these things. The first 20 verses of chapter 3 describe how the Lord has greatly afflicted Jeremiah. My eyes filled with tears for the hopelessness pouring off the pages. for the confusion. for the agony that he felt watching his people suffer for their sins. and then for the dread of what I know I deserve for my unfaithfulness to the Lord. Four and a half of the five chapters are painful to read!!

And then, this respite in a barren place:

This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope!!
Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I hope in Him!”
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
to the soul who seeks Him.
It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear
the yoke in his youth.
Let him sit alone and keep silent,
because God has laid it on him;
let him put his mouth in the dust—
there may yet be hope.
Let him give his cheek to the one who strikes him,
and be full of reproach.
For the Lord will not cast off forever.
Though He causes grief,
yet He will show compassion
according to the multitude of His mercies!
For He does not afflict willingly,
nor grieve the children of men.

He does. not. afflict. willingly. For all that befell the Israelites, and all that has come to me in the way of uncomfortable circumstances - God does not afflict willingly! He does not grieve my heart willingly. He IS merciful and compassionate, and it's easy enough to cling to just those few verses - but until His mercy is cast upon the somber and devastating backdrop of the wretchedness of my deeds and my sin and my unfaithfulness - it doesn't mean as much to me.

I need to be reminded often that I. am. depraved. Left to my own desires and wishes, I want what I think is best for me. When the Lord allows affliction, it's sometimes because He wants me to come to terms with my sin and cast myself again upon His mercies.

A little farther down, I see:
Who is he who speaks and it comes to pass,
when the Lord has not commanded it?!
Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
that woe and well-being proceed?
Why should a living man complain,
a man for the punishment of his sins?
Let us search out and examine our ways,
and turn back to the Lord;
let us lift our hearts and hands
to God in heaven.
[Lamentations 3:21-33,37-41]

Why should I complain when I see the consequences of my sin? It's true that Jesus Christ bore the punishment for my sins once and for all on the cross; but it is also true that when I sow sin in my life, I will eventually reap the consequences. God's grace may cover the due punishment for my sin, but it does not allow escape for the outcome.

Let me continually search and examine my ways, to see whether or not I am being selfish or seeking what the Lord says in any and all matters; Father, let me always turn back to You the instant I realize I'm beginning to turn away! Thank You that You are merciful, and Your compassions never fail; thank You that You are faithful to Your word regardless of how faithless and sinful I am!! Without the depths of my sin, I'd not appreciate the heights of Your forgiveness & love. Be it ever so, Lord!

Great is His faithfulness,
for His glory!
~Lisha



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I did not sign up for this part!!

My daughter will be having surgery soon. A cecostomy. They are going to be putting an extra hole in Elizabeth's abdomen, complete with a flip-top lid, so that IV laxative can be administered nightly directly into her colon to keep her system empty. So that her colon can return to "normal" (even though it's never been "normal").

The surgeon told us that it typically takes 1-2 years for this to work properly and they can assess the next step. If it is what the surgeon thinks it is (Hirschsprung's disease), then the next step is to remove the dead portion(s) of her colon and install a colostomy bag until everything heals. As if I haven't had to deal with poop enough over the last 6 1/2 years....

I would be lying to you if I said that my heart is not anxious. And since lying is always a bad choice, I won't.

My heart is anxious!!! Lord, I did not sign up for this!

E, before her cecostomy.

Following Jesus passionately does not mean that I am immune to the feelings and struggles of life! And I imagine that most believing moms, no matter how rooted they are in Christ and His love and His sovereignty, experience some level of anxiety rising up in them when they hear that something is not "right" with their child(ren).

E is my baby! My firstborn! The one over whom I have prayed and prayed and prayed for immediate healing. My little artist, fashionista, musician, ballerina, dream-big kinda girl. There is nothing in me that wants to go through with this surgery. I have cried over, prayed over, made pros-and-cons lists, paced over, and worried over this decision. Will and I laboriously arrived at the conclusion that though we do not want this, it is, right now, the path that God has carved out for us & E - for our good and His glory.

The what-ifs try to cloud my mind when I dwell for too long on surgery. What if disaster strikes, and things don't go as smoothly as they're supposed to? What about an allergic reaction to anesthesia?! What if it's hard to do this every night? What if it doesn't work?!

If I dwell on these things, I get overwhelmed and discouraged and fearful. But God, in His wisdom, has given me a list of things to dwell on:

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. [Philippians 4:8]

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. [Hebrews 12:1-2]

It is a moment-by-moment battle to choose not to worry about the upcoming surgery and subsequent changes in our day-to-day life. Over and over again in the course of every day I have to choose to lift my heart and my voice in praise. in thanksgiving. with joy! Because no matter what happens, no matter how long it takes for E's body to heal, no matter which complications arise - all of it is ordained and allowed by a sovereign God who loves E more than I ever will. And He wills for her to know Him more and love Him for a lifetime. If a life-changing surgery is what it's going to take to show her how a mommy depends on God for strength - if the inconvenience will help her understand that my praises don't depend on the right circumstances - if being healed shows her how God can work a miracle, or not being healed shows her the truth of Philippians 4:11-12 that we can learn to be content in Christ no matter what - if someone watching our story comes to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ because He is so evident in our hearts - then I will fall on my knees in prayer and worship God by walking through E's surgery holding tightly to His hand and His Word. 

O Lord, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
yes, I have a good inheritance!!
I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel;
my heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
I have set the Lord always before me;
because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices;
my flesh also will rest in hope!!
For You will not leave my soul in Sheol,
nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption.
You will show me the path of life;
in Your presence is fullness of joy;
at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore!!!!
[Psalm 16:5-11]

Songs I sing when I start to feel afraid or overwhelmed:
You Are My Hiding Place - Selah
Your Name - Phillips, Craig & Dean

I did not sign up for this,
but God ordained it from before time began...
for His glory!
~Lisha :)

PS If you have a verse or passage that has carried you through a time of fear or uncertainty or change - please share it! I would love to post it on an index card and hang it in my kitchen!

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Where the rubber meets the highway (or: lessons learned on the road)

What has:

2,600 miles

15 stops with various friends and relations

11 states

6 boxes of cereal

5 travel bags (most of which are full of food & diapers)

4 weeks

3 girls

and

1 tired/thrilled mom?

A 2012 Very Hunter Summer Road Trip, that's what!!

Our route!

We left town on July 19th and did not get home until August 15th. The girls & I visited friends and family in Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, New York, Pennsylvania, Virginia, New Jersey, and Connecticut. There were many sweet memories and fun & impromptu field trips. There were some unexpected delays in travel (severe rain, a full-blown diaper disaster in the carseat, construction, a logging truck accident, and getting lost in both DC & NYC, among others...).

Quiet reading time with my cousins in VT!

I got to reminisce with dear high school and college friends, stay up late with cousins, aunts & uncles I don't get to see often, and to meet a online friend for real! We got to worship the Lord with dear brothers & sisters in northern Vermont and southern Pennsylvania. The girls did a little exploring in the cold ocean waters in Maine and swam in the warm ocean waters of Virginia Beach. They got to ride 4-wheelers with Grandaddy, go kayaking with Grammy & Grampy, and pick their own fresh fruits and veggies from Gram's very own garden. We rode a coal train in PA with Will's Gram. Feeding worms was a hit; painting birdhouses with Auntie Kimm was too; so was playing with all kinds of new toys at other friends' houses. We ate a lot of chicken nuggets and pizza and hot dogs (no complaints at all from the taste-testing department...!) It was a lovely, memorable, exhausting, so-glad-I-did-it-but-it'll-take-a-while-before-I'm-ready-to-drive-on-the-highway-again kind of trip!

E &A, in Casco Bay ME

I had a lot of time to think. Driving between 3-6 hours in between most stops with girls mostly content in the back seats left plenty of opportunities to pray and to listen to the Lord. I thought, initially, that this trip was going to be a 'school on the road' type opportunity for the girls and that it would be a chance for us to catch up with so many people that we don't see often enough.

Ready to head out on the road...again!

But that's not all the Lord had in store for us. It did happen that by the time we got home, I felt like we'd been doing school for about a month already :) and I did get to catch up with people who are so dear to my heart. And in the midst of all of that, here are some lessons the Lord had for me:

*I don't like not knowing where I am, or where I'm going. Jesus kept reminding me of the verse I have over my kitchen sink at home to calm my nervous heart (especially in Washington DC and New York City - eeeek, of all places to be lost!): Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. [Joshua 1:9] Wherever I go. Even in a city I'm not familiar with. Even on Pennsylvania Avenue (which is where we ended up on accident in DC!). No matter where I am, physically or spiritually - Jesus is with me wherever I go. I need not be afraid! There is such freedom in that truth!

This...is not where I was supposed to be!

...neither was this. Impromptu national history lesson
with a captive audience in the back rows!

*As much as I wanted to minister to other people, He used them powerfully to minister to me in ways that I couldn't have imagined. I got to wash dishes and fold laundry and hold babies and do a few other tasks for the families I stayed with, thinking I was being so helpful; and in return, I was challenged, encouraged, and built up in my faith in Christ!

The girls adore their Grandaddy! At Hunter Farm in VA

Hanging out in the "hampster" (hammock...) at
Mr. Tim & Miss Ashley's!

*Life is too short to wait until there's enough time and/or money. There are so many reasons why it seemed like a bad idea to take a 12-year-old rickety Windstar on the road by myself with three little girls with only a few hundred dollars in cash. I had a list of things I could have spent that money on: paying down debt, ordering homeschooling books, putting it in savings, etc. But the trip was so very worth every moment and every dollar spent. I am thankful that Will encouraged me to go!!

Enjoying a beautiful afternoon with Nana (Will's Gram!)
just before taking a ride on the coal train in PA.

*I have a lot to learn from other people - especially when they believe differently than I do! I know this seems like it should be a no-brainer, but sometimes it's easy for me to forget. Paul went to Athens to preach, but he wasn't ignorant of the Greek culture and belief systems there. Listening to the whys and hows of different beliefs broadens my perspective. It strengthened my faith to be challenged by hearing about other religions and by being asked honest and hard questions about my own beliefs!

FRESH raspberries from Gram's garden!

* Life in NH can continue without me. Whoa! This was a hard lesson for my ego. I'm so used to being involved in different capacities outside our home. And what a refreshing reminder for my soul that it is the Lord who is in charge, not me! He is perfectly capable of guiding things quite well in my absence (and, incidentally, when I'm around!). He gently reminded me that my main priority right now is the care and keeping of my family, and that some outside ministry opportunities can wait for another season!

Chillin' at Grammy & Grampy Lane's cabin in ME!

*Will is still my best friend. After being on the road for a month without him, and spending time with friends, relatives - some of whom I consider very close to me - I realized that even my closest friends do not know me as well as he does after all these years (12! wowee!). If something came up that reminded me of Will, and I thought "oh! He'd think that was funny/cute/ridiculous/whatever", ...I'd miss being able to turn to him right away and say that. By the time I left our last stop I had butterflies in my tummy and I was so giggly and just wanted to get home to him and share everything about the last month and hear all about how he had been. After 8 years of being married and having 3 kids, it's really easy to forget that hey, we used to like just hanging out and being around each other and that we were friends before we were husband & wife. It was sweet to be reminded of that.

At the welcome center in PA! Smile!

Before we left for the trip, I was terrified by the what-ifs. What if we break down? What if we run out of money? What if one of the girls gets sick? etc. But Will encouraged me to go, and I'm so glad that he did. 

Virginia Beach!

What if I hadn't? I would have missed out on sweet conversations, treasured memories, and the lessons that God had for me out on the road.

Feeding the worms at Mr. Iain & Miss Erin's house!!

What discoveries & lessons have you made on your travels & journeys? 

And...back home!

A pilgrim just traveling along,

for His glory!

~Lisha :)

Why should I fear?

[This was posted the evening before we miscarried our third baby. God is sovereign!]


Hear this, all peoples; 
Give ear, all inhabitants of the world, 
Both low and high, 
Rich and poor together. 
My mouth shall speak wisdom, 
And the meditation of my heart shall give understanding. 
I will incline my ear to a proverb; 
I will disclose my dark saying on the harp. 

Why should I fear in the days of evil, 
When the iniquity at my heels surrounds me? 
Those who trust in their wealth 
And boast in the multitude of their riches, 
None of them can by any means redeem his brother, 
Nor give to God a ransom for him— 
For the redemption of their souls is costly, 
And it shall cease forever— 
That he should continue to live eternally, 
And not see the Pit. 

For he sees wise men die; 
Likewise the fool and the senseless person perish, 
And leave their wealth to others. 
Their inner thought is that their houses will last forever, 
Their dwelling places to all generations; 
They call their lands after their own names. 
Nevertheless man, though in honor, does not remain; 
He is like the beasts that perish. 

This is the way of those who are foolish, 
And of their posterity who approve their sayings. Selah 
Like sheep they are laid in the grave; 
Death shall feed on them; 
The upright shall have dominion over them in the morning; 
And their beauty shall be consumed in the grave, far from their dwelling. 
But God will redeem my soul from the power of the grave, 
For He shall receive me. Selah 

Do not be afraid when one becomes rich, 
When the glory of his house is increased; 
For when he dies he shall carry nothing away; 
His glory shall not descend after him. 
Though while he lives he blesses himself 
(For men will praise you when you do well for yourself), 
He shall go to the generation of his fathers; 
They shall never see light. 
A man who is in honor, yet does not understand, 
Is like the beasts that perish. 

[Psalm 49] 

This was part of my reading tonight, and I just wanted to share it with you because it encouraged me. We have no reason to fear man nor his riches nor his earthly power, for God is the only one who can and has redeemed us. Regardless of what the coming days and years bring...God has the victory already! We know what we have to look forward to! Praise the Lord!

These photos were taken shortly before
Baby H went on to glory~