Do The Next Thing

Last night was a restless one for me.

Turning in for the night at the usual time I found that I just couldn't settle in. Since I can usually fall asleep in minutes, I knew something was amiss. There was this obnoxious uneasiness in the pit of my stomach - the kind that is almost always indicative of my not being right in my relationship with the Lord.

As I sat down in my comfy chair hoping to drift off listening to the heavy rain, I began talking.

I talked for hours to Jesus and realized it's been so very long since I've made time for that. I also realized (much later) that I did not once ask Him to talk. It was all me, me, me. My woes, my worries, my demands, my hopes, my pleas to make things easier.

Every so often, I'd pause for a second and wonder why the uneasiness wasn't gone. I was praying, wasn't I? And at around 2AM, in one of those brief pauses, this verse came to mind:

Speak, Lord, for your servant hears. {1 Samuel 3:9}

I'd done so much talking to Jesus and not given any thought to letting Him speak to me through His Word and in the quietness of my heart.

Speak, Lord.

Are you sure?

Yes! I want to hear from You, please!

Are you willing to change when you hear what I have to say?

*pause* ...yes?

At this, I started talking again. Bemoaning all the ways I've been coming up short. Lord, look, I'm trying to juggle all of these things and I have no time for You lately and Will & I both agree that I'm sometimes a wretched example of a wife and a lazy mom and I'm not pointing anyone to You if I can't even point Will or the girls to You. I can't manage a home well; I'm a selfish friend...

Lisha?

...sorry, Jesus.

Do what I ask you to do day by day with excellence in that moment. [Colossians 3:23] Ask me each morning to show you what I have for you in that day [Psalm 5:3] - and then do not worry about anything else [Philippians 4:6-7]. When you finish doing something, ask Me what the next thing is. Just do the next thing, whatever it is, for My glory. You do not need to hold everything together - that's My responsibility [Hebrews 1:3]. You just need to set your heart to listen to My voice and choose to live as I called you [John 10:27].

...and if you find you have no time for Me, it's because you are not making time for Me. You make time for those things that are a priority. You need to make time. It's hard to follow Me when you are distracted by so many other things. [Luke 9:57-62]. 

Oh, Lord. You are right.

That deep-down uneasiness, I noticed, was gone.

For the next three hours I got some of the sweetest, most restful sleep I've had in months. And when I woke up this morning, Jesus reminded me right away:

Lisha, for today, just do the next thing that I have for you, with Me always in mind. Let go of every other care. If I bring something to mind, pray and do what you can in that moment. Leave the rest to Me.

Today, the "next thing" might be:
-snuggling one of my girls
-chatting on the phone with a friend in need
-going in early to work to be a blessing to the manager
-supporting Will in a big decision, even if it's not my first choice because I choose to trust
-that mountain of laundry
-tea time
-stopping everything to pray
-one of 1,000,000 other things that Jesus brings into my day.

None of them is without purpose and none are inconsequential, because the total sovereignty of God is not inconsequential and He orchestrated every circumstance of my life for a purpose - to know Him more and to make much of Him!

Friend, if there is an unsettled feeling in your soul, please make the time to sit and ask the Lord to speak. and then listen. He knows your heart and your life better than you do and He desires that you live abundantly in Him so that others can see His love.

Doing the next thing,
for His glory!
~Lisha

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When Life Doesn't Go As (I) Planned

Will got some unexpected news this week from work. Not terrible, but it was a big. old. bummer, and it was not what he wanted to hear.

The turn of events was not part of our short-term plans.

My initial reaction?

Anger.
The kind that brings irrationally hot tears and teeth-clenching.

Why?

Because I know how passionate and how excellent my husband has been at his job. And the news that came was, to me, totally and completely unfair. "Lord," I thought, "why this? Why now? Haven't we been through enough? Couldn't You have just allowed this to work?!"

and, if I had to be honest,

I was angry because my idea of what is best for Will and our family had been overturned. I am not. getting. my. way.

Will's response - a calmer, cooler "I'm not going to get worked up over it; I won't even know more until Monday" (even though he was shaken up by it all) - was much wiser than mine. And even that irritated me. (Is it just me, or do people with more self-control seem more obnoxious when I am in the middle of a tantrum?)

"Stand up for yourself!" I wanted to say. "Don't let yourself give in to this! It's stupid! How can they treat you like this! Fight back - rise up and fight for what you know you are worth!"

After biting my tongue and breathing deeply for a couple of minutes, I felt just like this:

For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. 
{Romans 7:15-19}

My off-the-cuff actions give my true heart condition away: in me, nothing good dwells - just bitterness, a sense of vengeance, selfishness, and irrational anger. I know in my head that it is: a) wrong to react to something like this in anger, and b) not outside of God's total sovereignty [...you know, the kind that I wrote about just the other night?! Here?!]...so why? Why do I do it?

Because I am inherently sinful - from the womb, and because even though my sins were all paid for on the cross, I will struggle against sin for the rest of my life. Through Jesus, I can choose whether or not to sin; I am no longer a slave to it, but I still have to actively choose in each circumstance how I'm going to react or act. And sometimes (too often) - I allow sin to have the temporary victory.

I have to train my head and my heart to react in pressure situations - train them to react in a way that absolutely honors the Lord.

What I will to do, that I do not practice - but it doesn't let me off the hook from trying to practice even after my 1,000,000th fail.

Here's what I *should* do when something starts to rile my emotions and I'm not getting my way:

1) PRAY. Short and sweet if need be! 'Jesus, help me by reminding me that You are in control, even of this!"

2) PROCLAIM the truth of the Word. For me, it helps if I read it out loud! Here are some that I have written in strategic places all over the house to turn to at a moment's notice:

 

3) PRAISE. I want to undermine whiny, self-centered thoughts. Praising the Lord fills my heart, mind, and home with the reminder that He's got this, and that He's awesome at all times, no matter what happens.

After the reassurance of my calm husband, the Lord & His Word, and my sweet Titus 2 mentor - I was able to calm down. To breathe peacefully, and cast this care upon the Lord. And able to try to encourage my husband to wait on the Lord, rather than tell him to do something unwise (run ahead of the Lord to fight on his own merit, and/or hit people).

I have no idea what Monday will bring, except the continued reassurance and hope that God is always revealing His greatness & goodness in all situations. Even the ones I didn't plan for.

Where do you turn in the Word when life doesn't go as planned?

Praying, proclaiming, and praising,
for His glory!
~Lisha

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This is the day...

My sweet Elizabeth! Photo by Molly Viglione, 2012

I just want to share some of the verses and thoughts on my heart this morning. E goes in for surgery today!

This passage is most precious to me; it reminds me of what I'm truly here for. And God spoke it to my heart gently last night as I was praying over E - because I think He wants me to remember that this is not so much about E's broken body, but how He is touching other lives through our story and His undeniable faithfulness to our family:

And I, brethren, when I came to you, did not come with excellence of speech or of wisdom declaring to you the testimony of God. For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. I was with you in weakness, in fear, and in much trembling. And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men but in the power of God! [1 Corinthians 2:1-5]

I also love the Psalms. And this one sums up what is going on in my heart. God, here are my troubles and my wearied mother's heart, but more than my troubles I choose to focus on You and Your unfailing faithfulness & power! 

And I said, “This is my anguish;
but I will remember the years of the right hand of the Most High!!!”
I will remember the works of the Lord;
surely I will remember Your wonders of old.
I will also meditate on all Your work, and talk of Your deeds!!
Your way, O God, is in the sanctuary;
who is so great a God as our God?!
You are the God who does wonders;
You have declared Your strength among the peoples!
You have with Your arm redeemed Your people...!
[Psalm 77:10-15]

And the verses that have been on my lips and mind moment by moment the last couple of days:

You will keep him in perfect peace,

whose mind is stayed on You,
because he trusts in You!
Trust in the Lord forever,
for in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength!!
[Isaiah 26:3-4]

At that time Jesus answered and said, “I thank You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and prudent and have revealed them to babes! Even so, Father, for so it seemed good in Your sight. All things have been delivered to Me by My Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father. Nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and the one to whom the Son wills to reveal Him. Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest!! Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls! For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” [Matthew 11:25-30]

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you!! [1 Thessalonians 5:16-18]

O God, may people see less of us and more of You in the coming days. Please, no matter what happens, move in our hearts to point to You and what You've accomplished. Christmas is coming - a time to remember the glory of Your birth - make it so that we might be a testimony to Your purpose for being born: the redemption of a broken and weak humanity, that we might bring You glory and enjoy You forever!!

Overwhelming this morning by the goodness of God,

for His glory!

~Lisha

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have I not commanded you?

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." [Joshua 1:9]

The next few weeks are going to be very full around here.

Dartmouth rescheduled E's surgery (see I did not sign up for this part! for more details), which turned out to be a blessing because that means Will can come without having to miss work. So that's happening soon. And last Monday we were offered a chance to move - and we took it. So we're moving 2 days after E comes home from the hospital.

For those of you who pray, and those who have been faithful to pray for us in the recent weeks: please continue. As God brings us to your mind, please pray. And if He lays a verse on your heart and you happen to think of us, please share it. It feels kind of selfish to beg but my heart can get easily overwhelmed at times when I'm packing up a home we've lived in since E was 3 months old and trying to mentally prepare for all of the changes in the upcoming weeks. Our home surrounding will be new, and we'll be adjusting to E's new needs too.

My sights are on Jesus and my heart yearns to be more like Him, but I'm too much like Peter to not stumble. "Get out of the boat - I'm doing some great and miraculous things here!" Christ says to me, but I look around at the storm that is coming at me from multiple fronts and sometimes I just start sinking!

I'm thankful for this season of life because it is a daily (hourly! momentary!) reminder that apart from Jesus and His sovereign plans, we cannot do anything. I am not strong, nor wise, nor sufficiently organized to do these things. I do not have the fortitude to hook my daughter up to an IV every night. or to purge & pack our home with 3 small ones around. or to make a house into a new home. But God's grace is sufficient for right here and right now!

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace,
whose mind is stayed on Thee,
because he trusteth Thee.
[Isaiah 26:3]

not afraid, nor dismayed,
for His glory!
~Lisha :)

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I did not sign up for this part!!

My daughter will be having surgery soon. A cecostomy. They are going to be putting an extra hole in Elizabeth's abdomen, complete with a flip-top lid, so that IV laxative can be administered nightly directly into her colon to keep her system empty. So that her colon can return to "normal" (even though it's never been "normal").

The surgeon told us that it typically takes 1-2 years for this to work properly and they can assess the next step. If it is what the surgeon thinks it is (Hirschsprung's disease), then the next step is to remove the dead portion(s) of her colon and install a colostomy bag until everything heals. As if I haven't had to deal with poop enough over the last 6 1/2 years....

I would be lying to you if I said that my heart is not anxious. And since lying is always a bad choice, I won't.

My heart is anxious!!! Lord, I did not sign up for this!

E, before her cecostomy.

Following Jesus passionately does not mean that I am immune to the feelings and struggles of life! And I imagine that most believing moms, no matter how rooted they are in Christ and His love and His sovereignty, experience some level of anxiety rising up in them when they hear that something is not "right" with their child(ren).

E is my baby! My firstborn! The one over whom I have prayed and prayed and prayed for immediate healing. My little artist, fashionista, musician, ballerina, dream-big kinda girl. There is nothing in me that wants to go through with this surgery. I have cried over, prayed over, made pros-and-cons lists, paced over, and worried over this decision. Will and I laboriously arrived at the conclusion that though we do not want this, it is, right now, the path that God has carved out for us & E - for our good and His glory.

The what-ifs try to cloud my mind when I dwell for too long on surgery. What if disaster strikes, and things don't go as smoothly as they're supposed to? What about an allergic reaction to anesthesia?! What if it's hard to do this every night? What if it doesn't work?!

If I dwell on these things, I get overwhelmed and discouraged and fearful. But God, in His wisdom, has given me a list of things to dwell on:

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. [Philippians 4:8]

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. [Hebrews 12:1-2]

It is a moment-by-moment battle to choose not to worry about the upcoming surgery and subsequent changes in our day-to-day life. Over and over again in the course of every day I have to choose to lift my heart and my voice in praise. in thanksgiving. with joy! Because no matter what happens, no matter how long it takes for E's body to heal, no matter which complications arise - all of it is ordained and allowed by a sovereign God who loves E more than I ever will. And He wills for her to know Him more and love Him for a lifetime. If a life-changing surgery is what it's going to take to show her how a mommy depends on God for strength - if the inconvenience will help her understand that my praises don't depend on the right circumstances - if being healed shows her how God can work a miracle, or not being healed shows her the truth of Philippians 4:11-12 that we can learn to be content in Christ no matter what - if someone watching our story comes to believe on the Lord Jesus Christ because He is so evident in our hearts - then I will fall on my knees in prayer and worship God by walking through E's surgery holding tightly to His hand and His Word. 

O Lord, You are the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You maintain my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
yes, I have a good inheritance!!
I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel;
my heart also instructs me in the night seasons.
I have set the Lord always before me;
because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices;
my flesh also will rest in hope!!
For You will not leave my soul in Sheol,
nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption.
You will show me the path of life;
in Your presence is fullness of joy;
at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore!!!!
[Psalm 16:5-11]

Songs I sing when I start to feel afraid or overwhelmed:
You Are My Hiding Place - Selah
Your Name - Phillips, Craig & Dean

I did not sign up for this,
but God ordained it from before time began...
for His glory!
~Lisha :)

PS If you have a verse or passage that has carried you through a time of fear or uncertainty or change - please share it! I would love to post it on an index card and hang it in my kitchen!

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Faith and the Force.

"I don't see it, Lord. I can't see what You're doing!"

While I was praying this morning, that cry escaped my lips. It's one of desperation. And it's true.

I can't see what God is doing. Or what He's going to do. The Lord seems to be closing the door on what has been an exciting season of our lives with no clear indication of what's next. He has brought us a little closer to an answer for Elizabeth's digestive woes, but that answer is not shaping up to be a pleasant one.

And in the quietness of my heart after this passionate plea for Him to at least let me in on where's He's going with this, a whisper to my soul - a verse:

I want you to walk by faith, not sight. [see 2 Corinthians 5:7]

How many times has God let us down? Even though it feels like He is right now - His track record for provision and guidance has been impeccable. Perfect. He has never forsaken us. I don't need to be able to see how He's using our lives in the minds & hearts of the people around us. I don't need to know what we're going to do in a couple of weeks. I don't need to know right now whether or not Elizabeth has this rare disease they're testing for. I need to trust Him - that He knows what is best and that He will not allow anything that He has not already purposed to use for His glory and our good.

Remember the scene in Star Wars when Luke is trying to defend himself against that zappy-ball thing?

notetoelf.blogspot.com

When he's attempting it with his own resources and senses, he gets zapped. But when he covers his eyes and lets the Force move him, it's no longer a problem. That's the visual I had in my head when I was getting ready this morning...which is weird. Star Wars is not usually my go-to for explanations of my spiritual life. While I don't believe the movie is a strong allegory for the life of someone who's following Christ - it kind of explains how I feel right now. So watch out, world! I'm putting on my helmet, and letting God guide. It's a lot more exhilarating, and much more effective, than trying to work it all out on my own.

Walking by faith,
for His glory!
Lisha :)

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Delight and Desire!

Do not fret because of evildoers, nor be envious of the workers of iniquity.

For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.
Trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the LORD,

and He shall give you the desires of your heart. 

Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,

and your justice as the noonday.
Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;

do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret—it only causes harm.
For evildoers shall be cut off;

but those who wait on the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.
For yet a little while and the wicked shall be no more;
indeed, you will look carefully for his place, but it shall be no more.
But the meek shall inherit the earth,

and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.
The wicked plots against the just, and gnashes at him with his teeth.
The Lord laughs at him, for He sees that his day is coming.
The wicked have drawn the sword and have bent their bow,
to cast down the poor and needy, to slay those who are of upright conduct.
Their sword shall enter their own heart, and their bows shall be broken.
A little that a righteous man has is better than the riches of many wicked.
For the arms of the wicked shall be broken,

but the LORD upholds the righteous.
The LORD knows the days of the upright,

and their inheritance shall be forever.
They shall not be ashamed in the evil time,

and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied.
But the wicked shall perish; and the enemies of the LORD,
like the splendor of the meadows, shall vanish.
Into smoke they shall vanish away.
The wicked borrows and does not repay,

but the righteous shows mercy and gives.
For those blessed by Him shall inherit the earth,

but those cursed by Him shall be cut off.
The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD, and He delights in his way.
Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;

for the LORD upholds him with His hand.
I have been young, and now am old; yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken,
nor his descendants begging bread.
He is ever merciful, and lends; and his descendants are blessed.
Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell forevermore.
For the LORD loves justice, and does not forsake His saints; 

they are preserved forever,

but the descendants of the wicked shall be cut off.
The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell in it forever.
The mouth of the righteous speaks wisdom, and his tongue talks of justice.
The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.
The wicked watches the righteous, and seeks to slay him.
The LORD will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged.
Wait on the LORD, and keep His way,
and He shall exalt you to inherit the land;

when the wicked are cut off, you shall see it.
I have seen the wicked in great power,

and spreading himself like a native green tree.
Yet he passed away, and behold, he was no more; 

indeed I sought him, but he could not be found.
Mark the blameless man, and observe the upright;

for the future of that man is peace.
But the transgressors shall be destroyed together;

the future of the wicked shall be cut off.
But the salvation of the righteous is from the LORD;

He is their strength in the time of trouble.
And the LORD shall help them and deliver them;

He shall deliver them from the wicked,
and save them, because they trust in Him.

Psalm 37 [NKJV] - www.biblegateway.com

I was meditating on this Psalm for a good part of the evening, and what a balm to my soul! With only 8 days to go until we know for sure whether or not the Lord is going to have us close up the Bible House (see my post Come and hear... for more details about this), it has been so easy to:

1) get angry and bitter and blame people for not shopping at the store;

2) pray incessantly that God gives us a better/different opportunity to serve Him right now; and

3) despair because we have fallen so far behind our bills while we know that there are ungodly people who are making more money than we are and spending it on ungodly and selfish pursuits & hobbies.

[God has broken my heart and His lovingkindness has led me to repentance for these things - for taking my gaze off of God and for having such ugly heart attitudes!]

And yet!! God has been pleading with me over the last few days (through His Word and through a dear friend who is not ashamed to speak truth into my heart) to just delight in Him and trust in Him!! Not to worry about His plan, for it is perfect and He already knows it. Not to delight in His plan, but to delight myself in Him!! And after I have made the choice to trust and delight in Him - He will give me the desires of my heart, because my desires will be in line with His heart for me. 

Oh, my Lord, show me what it means to just delight in You and all that You are, and to trust You (for You have never failed us!) - I only want to know You more!

By His grace, and

for His glory!

~Lisha :)

the big stuff.

I have had a hectic last couple of weeks. Not busy, like having a lot of places to be hectic, but emotionally hectic. If you've been on facebook lately, I don't really need to go over the hecticness (if that's not a word, I'll take credit for making it up). If you haven't been on facebook lately...you really should check facebook more often. (Just kidding!) 

When circumstances are rough, and I find that I'm getting all wrapped up in the details of everything and I'm overworried or anxious, the Lord has a subtle way of reminding me of what's important. 

I was chatting with a friend of mine on Monday evening and we were talking about different school subjects. The subject of math came up [are you surprised, though?], and we were talking about how she understands the "big stuff" - the concepts - but it's the little stuff like basic computation that tends to trip her up. 

I joked that maybe she should write that on her tests "Dear Teacher, I get the big stuff, but it's the little stuff that messes me up!". And we had a good laugh. 

She went home, and as I was putting the girls to bed, I was thinking about big stuff and little stuff and how I feel like sometimes, when the Lord sends me trials, I should write on them: 

"Dear Lord, I get the big stuff, but it's the little stuff that messes me up!" 

God is sovereign. God loves me. God works all things together for my good because I love Him. God's promises never fail. God is amazing and He is the victorious God of the impossible. I was born a wretched sinner, and Jesus Christ died for my sin. That's the big stuff. 

I never forget those facts. When they told us they couldn't find our baby's heartbeat, I repeated those truths over and over again in my mind. I praised God for them, and for His love. I trust Him! When Elizabeth was having all that trouble over the last few weeks, I told her (and myself!) over and over again that God loves her, and that everything that He does is for a good reason. As Will and I have encountered conflict in our relationship, we hold fast to the truth that God is sovereign and can change hearts. 

I get the big stuff. 

If I am content to embrace and understand the big truths, why is it that I am not content to leave all of the details to Him, too? Worrying about the details leaves me unfocused. It leaves me tired and weary. It leaves me grumpy, and slightly to very unpleasant to be around. It can leave me doubtful. It makes me more worried about what's going to happen to me and less concerned about what God is doing in my life for His glory. 

I don't want the little stuff to get in the way of the big stuff. Worrying about the little stuff can suck the joy out of daily life. I want to remain focused with my heart and my mind on the bigger picture!!! And Jesus Christ, my Lord and my God, is the bigger picture! 

My encouragement to you tonight is this: If you know Jesus Christ, keep focused on Him. He is the big stuff in life. He is what makes life worth living. Give the little stuff to Him and don't let yourself get sidetracked! If you have never made Jesus Christ a priority in life - if you've never gotten to know Him - you are missing out on the big stuff altogether! He has an abundant life to offer you, beyond what you can find from any material goods or people (who will sometimes let you down!). You may find that your life revolves around the little stuff that you have thought was the big stuff. Let go of the little stuff and hold fast to Jesus!

For His glory!
~Lisha :)

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