anguish...and hope! [Lamentations 3]

image from www.shellibourque.com

One of the first places I turn to is Lamentations 3:22-24 when my soul is troubled: "Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I hope in Him!' But I don't take the time to read what's around those verses. 

It's easy to search out verses that bring me peace, but I need to take in the whole counsel of God - not just the bits and pieces of passages that I find comforting. So I read most of the book of Lamentations (5 chapters - it's in between the books of Jeremiah and Ezekiel). Jeremiah wrote this lament over Jerusalem, and it's not uplifting at all, save the few verses in chapter 3. He describes the utter shaming of his people, his homeland; how the judgement of God had come upon them. He writes of starvation, death, destruction. Jeremiah is in anguish over the state of things - and that God has allowed these things. The first 20 verses of chapter 3 describe how the Lord has greatly afflicted Jeremiah. My eyes filled with tears for the hopelessness pouring off the pages. for the confusion. for the agony that he felt watching his people suffer for their sins. and then for the dread of what I know I deserve for my unfaithfulness to the Lord. Four and a half of the five chapters are painful to read!!

And then, this respite in a barren place:

This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope!!
Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
great is Your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I hope in Him!”
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
to the soul who seeks Him.
It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear
the yoke in his youth.
Let him sit alone and keep silent,
because God has laid it on him;
let him put his mouth in the dust—
there may yet be hope.
Let him give his cheek to the one who strikes him,
and be full of reproach.
For the Lord will not cast off forever.
Though He causes grief,
yet He will show compassion
according to the multitude of His mercies!
For He does not afflict willingly,
nor grieve the children of men.

He does. not. afflict. willingly. For all that befell the Israelites, and all that has come to me in the way of uncomfortable circumstances - God does not afflict willingly! He does not grieve my heart willingly. He IS merciful and compassionate, and it's easy enough to cling to just those few verses - but until His mercy is cast upon the somber and devastating backdrop of the wretchedness of my deeds and my sin and my unfaithfulness - it doesn't mean as much to me.

I need to be reminded often that I. am. depraved. Left to my own desires and wishes, I want what I think is best for me. When the Lord allows affliction, it's sometimes because He wants me to come to terms with my sin and cast myself again upon His mercies.

A little farther down, I see:
Who is he who speaks and it comes to pass,
when the Lord has not commanded it?!
Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
that woe and well-being proceed?
Why should a living man complain,
a man for the punishment of his sins?
Let us search out and examine our ways,
and turn back to the Lord;
let us lift our hearts and hands
to God in heaven.
[Lamentations 3:21-33,37-41]

Why should I complain when I see the consequences of my sin? It's true that Jesus Christ bore the punishment for my sins once and for all on the cross; but it is also true that when I sow sin in my life, I will eventually reap the consequences. God's grace may cover the due punishment for my sin, but it does not allow escape for the outcome.

Let me continually search and examine my ways, to see whether or not I am being selfish or seeking what the Lord says in any and all matters; Father, let me always turn back to You the instant I realize I'm beginning to turn away! Thank You that You are merciful, and Your compassions never fail; thank You that You are faithful to Your word regardless of how faithless and sinful I am!! Without the depths of my sin, I'd not appreciate the heights of Your forgiveness & love. Be it ever so, Lord!

Great is His faithfulness,
for His glory!
~Lisha



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Jesus Loves Me?

Friend,

The gospel of my Lord Jesus Christ is not

The western church has cheapened the meaning of Jesus' message by using that phrase and others like it on bumper stickers, on kids' toys and cheap party favors, on T-shirts and keychains everywhere.

I have yet to find a place in the gospel accounts where Jesus is walking around telling people "Smile, I love you!", and that alone is sufficient to save them. God does love everyone - that is what compelled Him to come. But it's the Atonement by His death that saves, when we believe, not just His saying "I love you!".

If you think that sharing the gospel with others is being bold enough to tell them that Jesus loves them, my friend, you are not sharing the gospel with them.

People who don't know that they are sinful and who think that they are worth loving don't really care that Jesus loves them. After all, a lot of people love them. They're pretty awesome. That was my attitude before I knew that Jesus was my savior. I don't know if you knew me back in high school and college, but I was arrogant. And I was awesome.

My accomplishments and good deeds were many. I had a lot of influence and I had a lot of acquaintances. So what if Jesus loved me? I totally deserved it because I was an amazing human being! When well-meaning Christians told me that Jesus loved me, I rolled my eyes at them because, hey, why wouldn't Jesus love me?!

It wasn't until my sophomore year in college when I was confronted with the message that I needed to

that God got my attention. Someone finally was bold enough to tell me that I was sinful and that I needed to admit it and trust that Jesus had died on my behalf if I had any hope of getting into heaven.

What makes the statement "Jesus Loves You" so amazing is not that He loves you because you're astounding. It's because in spite of the fact that you are a depraved wretch, He still bore the entirety of my sin and your sin to Calvary and was executed for it, that God's justice might be totally satisfied instead of poured out on us. But unless we each choose with our lifestyle and heart, soul, and mind to daily appreciate that sacrifice and confess that Jesus Christ has every right to all of us, even to our very breath - we will each be expected to personally make payment for each and every one of our individual sins. Eternally. Because that's what it costs. [The wages of sin is death. Romans 3:23]

Jesus Christ came to share that the kingdom of God was at hand and that every body has been given an opportunity to repent of their sinful ways. The good news is that Jesus Christ accomplished for us what we could never hope to accomplish ourselves - to fully satisfy the wrath of a just God by paying with his sinless life. 

It's not a message you want to hear. It's a lot easier and comfortable to hear "Smile, Jesus Loves You!". But I'm not interested in your life being easy or comfortable. I'm increasingly interested in your repentance and eternal salvation through Jesus.

Repent therefore and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord... [Acts 3:19]

For His glory!

Lisha

If you can't say anything nice...

"Hannah keeps overestimating the size of her mouth!"

Will and I were watching Hannah play the other night. She would pick up a toy and immediately try to shove the entire thing in her mouth. It frustrated her quickly, because her mouth is not as large as her toys are; they just didn't fit. We were chuckling at the determination when Will made the above comment.

Almost all babies are prone to overestimating the size of their mouths. But the truth is, I think grown-ups are, too.

Babies overestimate by trying to put things in their mouths that are too big; adults overestimate by saying things that are too big and arrogant for them to be uttering.

Photo by Molly Viglione Photography, 2012
www.mollyviglionephotography.blogspot.com

I was convicted by the Holy Spirit years ago (just before I got married) while taking a course at church called "The Excellent Wife" (and also a few years later while reading the book "Beautiful in God's Eyes") of the following:

If the words that are going to be coming out of my mouth are not 1) kind or 2) wise, then I have no business saying them. NONE. This conviction is based on Proverbs 31:26: 'She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness' and James 3:9-10: 'With [the tongue] we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so!'

+Gossip should not come out of my mouth, even (and especially) when it's being said under the cover of being  a "real prayer concern." [See 1 Timothy 5:13]
+Insults should not come out of my mouth.
+Arrogant statements and assumptions should not come out of my mouth.
+Statements that make me sound like I am an absolute expert on something should not come out of my mouth.
+Words that dishonor God, my husband, my parents, or my government leaders should not come out of my mouth.
+Jokes at the expense of someone else's heart should not come out of my mouth.
+Complaints and whining should not come out of my mouth. [See Philippians 2:14]
+Rash retorts should not come out of my mouth. [See Proverbs 15:1]
+Venting anger should not come out of my mouth. ["Venting" is not healthy. It is a sign of a lack of self-control. See Proverbs 12:16, Proverbs 18:2 and Proverbs 29:11, for starters.]
+Words that mock, cut down, belittle, irritate, or purposely offend should not come out of my mouth.

"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." -Jesus {Matthew 12:34}
These kinds of words, when allowed to escape, are a symptom of a much larger problem. When I think that I deserve to say these kinds of things because (somebody hurt my feelings; someone has wronged me, I feel that I am owed something, etc), I am making a very wrong assumption that I'm entitled to execute judgement or justice on that person.

And those are awfully big words to be coming out of my mouth. With a very inflated heart attitude behind them.

When pondering my place before an almighty God, I realize that I am not more powerful, more entitled, more worthy, more justified than anyone else on the planet. I am a sinner. I have no right to be speaking those kind of words.

I sometimes (daily) overestimate the size of my mouth and my heart attitude. I lose my cool with my girls; I argue with my husband over small matters; I mutter under my breath at the grocery store when there are slower people in front of me or stopped right in the middle of the aisle and seem to need to read every single label on both sides before moving on. I am continually seeking forgiveness for the things that I let come out of my mouth and am working to discipline my tongue to speak only kind and wise words. James 3 is a great place to start if you want to know just how hard it is to use our mouths for God's glory by exercising self-control in that area; so is the entire book of Proverbs.

When overestimating the size of my mouth and my importance, I will find myself frustrated, like Hannah, because things do not fit the way I thought they would. I need to speak wisdom and kindness into the lives of my husband, children, friends, and everyone I meet! In matters where I've been hurt by someone's words or actions - I need to bring the hurt to the Lord and let Him take care of the matter. No comment, no hurt is so deep that Jesus cannot heal me completely.

We need to stop using ugly words. Stop airing bitterness and family politics on Facebook/Twitter/etc. Stop talking about people behind their backs. Stop snapping at our kids and our spouses. Stop complaining about people and situations that bother us. Stop mocking people who are different than we are. We need to delve into the Word of God to come up with a better solution for each of these scenarios. God's Word does not fail. And we will find, as we estimate rightly the size of our mouths and what our heart's attitudes should be that life will be less frustrating.

"[A virtuous wife] opens her mouth with wisdom, 
and on her tongue is the law of kindness. [Proverbs 31:26]

Growing in wisdom & kindness,
for His glory~

~Lisha

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a brief introduction.

Christmas is a glorious time of year. I enjoy almost every aspect of the season - decorating the house, getting together more often with family, Christmas cards, the music, snow, etc. It all brings back memories of being a child and the excitement & anticipation, and it tends to bring out the best in people (side note: someone recently commented that Christmas is the time of year when everyone acts the way they should act all the time.).

Over the past several years, I have gained a deeper appreciation of Christmas. It wasn't until I was introduced to the love of Jesus and was confronted with my sinful heart that I was able to grasp the significance of Jesus' birth.

One of my friends from my Keene days had a little sister who was very ill back in the fall semester of 01. She knew Jesus well, and a couple of months before she passed away she was willing to introduce me to Him. She (and her mom & sisters) shared His love and His mercy and His wisdom and His grace with me. It left me speechless. I was agnostic at the time; a liberally minded young woman who wanted nothing to do with the rampant hypocrisy of the church or the elitism of the evangelical crowd. The judgments I held toward Jesus' followers blinded me from getting to know Jesus. Her gentle introduction completely ruined the foundation of my life - because what I had been building my life on (success. popularity. power. good grades.) was sinking sand.

I mulled her words over for the next couple of months and was willing to accept that God existed and that Jesus had indeed come to earth to die a death for sin. But my sin? Really? I hadn't really done anything terribly wrong. I had hurt people; I told some lies; I had a manipulative streak. But so did other people. I didn't feel like I was any worse off than anyone I knew, and I certainly knew I was better than lots of other people. It took months for me to understand that the cost for any sin is spiritual death, and that each person who has ever walked the face of the planet (except Jesus) was a sinner, worthy of eternal death. Once I accepted that, and acknowledged how unworthy I was of God's love, I was able to then rejoice in the grace He extended by sending His Son, Jesus, to die in my place at Calvary.

My life has been turned upside down. All those things that I thought were so very important - having everyone like me, making everyone proud of me, following all the rules, having a great money-making career and an awesome house - that stuff is temporary. Jesus has given me the assurance that there is a better home that awaits me if I am willing to count the temporary stuff as just that and focus my energy on God and His eternal love for me and for everyone around me.

I hope you're able to better appreciate and understand why it is that Jesus' birth was so necessary and why it was such an occasion for praise and joy. Without His birth, His death could not have happened, and it is His death and resurrection that can give you the hope of eternal and abundant life. If you don't know Jesus well (and even if you do!), pick up a Bible and read it. Start with the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke or John, but don't stop there. The Bible says that Jesus is the Word of God - you'll find His life and His love throughout each book and chapter. Get to know Him; He's a friend that will change your life forever.

[Sarah passed away a week before Christmas, 2001, a few months before her ninth birthday...I am grateful that she was willing to reach out and give hope to me, even though she had never met me before and didn't see me again before the Lord called her home. I am looking so forward to seeing her in heaven and getting to sit at the feet of Jesus with her!]

Introducing others to Jesus,

for His glory!

~Lisha

A lesson in...vomit?

this was originally written in june of 2007 - i was 6 months pregnant with abby, and elizabeth was about 15 months old. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

so i had the '24 hour bug' on monday. it was yucky. the gastrointestinal pyrotechnics raged about every 20-30 minutes from 2am until about 2pm when i finally went to the doctor's office, because baby and i were very dehydrated. then i spent the rest of the evening on the couch watching pbs documentaries trying to sleep and keep down watered-down apple juice while will took care of elizabeth all day (he is the most amazing man that i know). 

you might think that there's not a lot to learn about puking. primarily because it's just really, really gross. 

however, as i lay in bed thinking about it monday night, i realized that puking and getting rid of sin in my life aren't really that different. there are three 'stages' to puking: 

stage 1) the really nauseous feels that makes you feel nasty, like you need to throw up. you dread it, because no one likes to throw up. it's not terribly pleasant. 

stage 2) your body actually purging itself of food and anything else that is in your body. this is undesirable, for two reasons. first, throwing up hurts your tummy, your throat, and tastes really bad. second, it makes you look downright ridiculous. your face is all contorted and someone's holding your hair back (maybe you) and you're leaning over some kind of container hoping that you don't lose it all over the floor. 

stage 3) relief. once you are done throwing up, you just feel better. (at least, i do). 

well i have been dealing with a lot of sin in my life lately. one of the biggest problems i have is being bitter toward people. you know, not forgiving them for things they have done, harboring stupid grudges, treating people badly (whether to their face or behind their backs). it's not many people, but there are some. and God showed me, in the midst of my puking, that getting rid of the bitterness in my life is going to be a lot like puking: 

stage 1) harboring bitterness makes me feel gross - not physically, but emotionally. i don't like treating people badly or harboring grudges. i don't know many people who do; it has a way of making you miserable. i know i need to change, but i dread it because it's not going to be fun or easy to change. 

stage 2) actually getting rid of the sin of bitterness, and replacing it with the love that God has called me to have towards others. when your sin is being purged, it hurts you - usually, your ego. in order to give up my bitter feelings, i need to lay down my pride and self-absorbed sense of justice and righteousness and recognize that God is the only One who is qualified to judge the person i am mad at. i also have to humble myself and love this person, regardless of what they have done to me. God doesn't tell us to only love people who love us back; He commands us to love everybody. even, and especially, our enemies (see matthew 5 and 6). it also makes you look utterly ridiculous to the outside world. forgiveness - true, complete forgiveness - is a quality that the world does not embrace or understand. as a race, humans are very reluctant to give up their sense of justice and just let things go. 

stage 3) relief!!! when i come to a place where i have truly exchanged my bitter feelings with the love, forgiveness, and compassion that Christ calls me to have for others, life is sweeter. living a life of love is much more desirable than living a life filled with bitter grudges and hatred, is it not? 

so as my body recovers from the worst (and grossest) physical illness i have had in a long time, my heart and soul rest easier, knowing that i will be recovering soon from the emotional illness of a bitter heart. even in the midst of puke, God is there, teaching and guiding. how amazing is that?!

Tough Lessons

There is a lot of stuff going on in my heart and in my mind lately. Some days are fabulous, and by fabulous I mean that there's not a lot of crying and I'm able to function quasi-normally. Some days are fabulous, and by fabulous I mean that friends show up at my door with iced coffee or coolattas. Most days, however, are marked by a copious amount of tears and mood swings that can make New England weather seem pretty stable. 

God is using this time to do some major heart renovations. Even though it's painful and thoroughly unpleasant sometimes, I know that on the other side of it I'll be grateful for the 'refiner's fire!' 

Getting my weight under control has been one thing that God has really been prompting me to do - for quite some time. Since Elizabeth was born 3 1/2 years ago, I have gained almost 40 pounds, which is about 80 pounds heavier than any doctor would tell me is remotely healthy. About 3 months before we found out we were pregnant, I had really gotten quite serious about losing weight, and had lost about 20 pounds. Mostly through exercising and eating healthy and eating the correct portions (moderation?! Go figure!...) I did not really enjoy any of it, though. Except that I was more able to fit in some of my pre-Abby pants. 

Last week, while I was trying to get back into the exercise routine, and I was complaining and trying to coax God to help me lose weight faster, He put a verse on my heart that I know and I've heard many times and even been more than happy to repeat to Will in many instances: "And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ." [Colossians 3:23-24] 

Whatever you do. That includes, but is not limited to: losing weight, scrubbing the toilet, cleaning up poopy diapers, getting up at 1am...and 4am...and 5am...and 6:30am...with sick children to change bedsheets and diapers and jammies, doing dishes, reading to the kids, grocery shopping, and breaking up sibling fights (which can be awfully nasty!) So, in a few moments, I realized that my attempt at losing weight was futile, if it wasn't being done for the Lord. My motives were wrong. I wanted to lose weight so I could have more kids and the pregnancies would be healthier. That's not a bad bonus, but it shouldn't be the whole motive. 

The last couple of days, then, have been a little more enjoyable. As I'm faced with choosing healthy food or...say...cake (as many of you know, my husband is a cake-a-holic, and we always seem to have plenty of it in this house, which is not always entirely my fault!!!), or when I am contemplating whether or not I should exercise, being reminded that my ultimate goal is to take care of this body that the Lord has blessed me with makes those choices easier. So...here we go, Lord...20 down, a lot more to go! :) 

The other major renovation He is doing in my life is in regard to my children. Since I was about 12, I have always wished for lots of children, and especially after Will & I got married, I have said to the Lord on multiple occasions something like: "Lord, my desire is to have lots of children so that they can live lives that honor You!" and in the last few days the Lord has gently pointed out that that's really prideful. Like "Hey, Lord, aren't you so proud of me, that I'm willing to sacrifice my body and its ability to function normally so that You can have more kids on the earth who just love You so much? Isn't that amazing? I'm pretty awesome that way. Can you bless us with more kids? Twins, even? Triplets? Could I please be like Michelle Duggar?? [Note: she is the woman from the TLC show "18 & counting" that has 19 children!]" For a long time, my relationship with the Lord fluctuated based on whether or not I was pregnant or just had a baby. It's hard not to feel ashamed when I realize that my joy in the Lord was not necessarily what He had done for me on the cross, but what He was doing for the size of my family. 

God is showing me how to be content with the size of my family now. As I was reading and praying the other night, He spoke in the stillness of my heart that if He only ever gives me these two children, I need to be content with that. He is not concerned with the number of children Will & I have; He is concerned that we are willing to raise whatever children He gives us for His glory and in His nurture and admonition. What a freedom that realization has been over the last couple of days! 

This miscarriage, then, has been one of the most important events of my life. God has brought me face-to-face with two sins that I have been either ignorant of or unwilling to deal with for a long time, and I have found more joy in worshipping Him for who He is, not just for all the great things He's doing for me. 

Here is Psalm 66. I was reading it the other night. How timely and beautiful God's Word is, and how wonderful when I finally lay down my pride and allow His Word to teach and refine my heart! Enjoy! 

Make a joyful shout to God, all the earth! 
Sing out the honor of His name; 
make His praise glorious. 
Say to God, 
“How awesome are Your works! 
Through the greatness of Your power 
Your enemies shall submit themselves to You. 
All the earth shall worship You 
and sing praises to You; 
they shall sing praises to Your name.” Selah 

Come and see the works of God; 
He is awesome in His doing toward the sons of men. 
He turned the sea into dry land; 
they went through the river on foot. 
there we will rejoice in Him. 
He rules by His power forever; 
His eyes observe the nations; 
do not let the rebellious exalt themselves. Selah 

Oh, bless our God, you peoples! 
And make the voice of His praise to be heard, 
who keeps our soul among the living, 
and does not allow our feet to be moved. 
For You, O God, have tested us; 
You have refined us as silver is refined. 
You brought us into the net; 
You laid affliction on our backs. 
You have caused men to ride over our heads; 
we went through fire and through water; 
but You brought us out to rich fulfillment. 

I will go into Your house with burnt offerings; 
I will pay You my vows, 
which my lips have uttered 
and my mouth has spoken when I was in trouble. 
I will offer You burnt sacrifices of fat animals, 
with the sweet aroma of rams; 
I will offer bulls with goats. Selah 

Come and hear, all you who fear God, 
and I will declare what He has done for my soul. 
I cried to Him with my mouth, 
and He was extolled with my tongue. 
If I regard iniquity in my heart, 
the Lord will not hear. 
But certainly God has heard me; 
He has attended to the voice of my prayer. 

Blessed be God, 
who has not turned away my prayer, 
nor His mercy from me!