Love... [part II]

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

[1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NKJV]

Kind. The word "kind" has long been associated in my mind with words like "nice", "neat", "great", "thing", and "stuff". Its meaning is broad and general. Because of that, I tend to shy away from using it often, thinking I can find a word that fits better with what I'm trying to say.

Yet, God's Word tells me that love is kind. But what does that mean?

kind - of a friendly, generous, warm-hearted nature; showing sympathy or understanding; charitable; humane, considerate; forbearing, tolerant; generous, liberal; agreeable, beneficial.

In the original Greek, kind has a connotation of showing oneself to be mild, to use kindness.

Perhaps Paul was inspired to use the word kind precisely because it is so general. There is so much that falls under the what could be considered "kind". Love, in its words, deeds, and thoughts, should be all of those qualities listed above.

Well, nuts. This is another area (along with being patient) where I fail so often. My nature is not to be kind - it is to be self-serving and self-protecting. To cherish my needs and conveniences over those of the people around me.

Ways I've been convicted of NOT being kind recently:
-Being snappy in my words & tone of voice when the girls don't follow through with my requests, or when their childish tendencies cause me inconvenience. Or when I've convinced myself that I haven't had enough coffee to drink, as if that justifies it.
-Showing little genuine compassion toward my husband or daughters when they get hurt, feel sick, etc. I tend to treat my care of them as a duty, and not a chance to minister to them in their discomfort.
-When I am serving dinner, and take the largest or tastiest-looking helping for myself instead of giving it away. Or, when I make a meal that only -I- like without giving consideration to other members of my family who may not be as adventurous as I am.
-My first though when I am verbally run down by another is one of vengeance, or self-defense & justification, rather than trying to understand why they are frustrated with me. Often, there's a legitimate reason for them to be upset with my actions.
-If I claim to NEED "me time" and take it when there are clearly things I could and should be doing for my family.
-When I see someone in the store or out and about who could obviously use a hand and I choose to pass by because I have things I "need" to do.
-I tend to half-listen to Will and the girls when my laptop is open to (Facebook, Pinterest, Email, etc). Rather than shut the silly thing and choose to be considerate to the four people who should be the recipients of most of my energy and care, I get distracted by life online.

When I am not showing kindness (in my actions, words, or thoughts), I am not showing love the way Jesus would. I must choose to put off selfishness and put on kindness, moment by moment!

Here are some verses I try to recall when I know I am not being kind, or when I need to choose kindness:
Psalm 103:1-5
Proverbs 19:22
Proverbs 31:26
Isaiah 54:4-8
Joel 2:12-13
Jonah 4:2
Galatians 6:1-3
Colossians 3:12-14
Titus 3:3-7
2 Peter 1:5-9

Which verses inspire you to choose kindness?

Learning to love like Jesus,
for His glory!
~Lisha

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If you can't say anything nice...

"Hannah keeps overestimating the size of her mouth!"

Will and I were watching Hannah play the other night. She would pick up a toy and immediately try to shove the entire thing in her mouth. It frustrated her quickly, because her mouth is not as large as her toys are; they just didn't fit. We were chuckling at the determination when Will made the above comment.

Almost all babies are prone to overestimating the size of their mouths. But the truth is, I think grown-ups are, too.

Babies overestimate by trying to put things in their mouths that are too big; adults overestimate by saying things that are too big and arrogant for them to be uttering.

Photo by Molly Viglione Photography, 2012
www.mollyviglionephotography.blogspot.com

I was convicted by the Holy Spirit years ago (just before I got married) while taking a course at church called "The Excellent Wife" (and also a few years later while reading the book "Beautiful in God's Eyes") of the following:

If the words that are going to be coming out of my mouth are not 1) kind or 2) wise, then I have no business saying them. NONE. This conviction is based on Proverbs 31:26: 'She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness' and James 3:9-10: 'With [the tongue] we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so!'

+Gossip should not come out of my mouth, even (and especially) when it's being said under the cover of being  a "real prayer concern." [See 1 Timothy 5:13]
+Insults should not come out of my mouth.
+Arrogant statements and assumptions should not come out of my mouth.
+Statements that make me sound like I am an absolute expert on something should not come out of my mouth.
+Words that dishonor God, my husband, my parents, or my government leaders should not come out of my mouth.
+Jokes at the expense of someone else's heart should not come out of my mouth.
+Complaints and whining should not come out of my mouth. [See Philippians 2:14]
+Rash retorts should not come out of my mouth. [See Proverbs 15:1]
+Venting anger should not come out of my mouth. ["Venting" is not healthy. It is a sign of a lack of self-control. See Proverbs 12:16, Proverbs 18:2 and Proverbs 29:11, for starters.]
+Words that mock, cut down, belittle, irritate, or purposely offend should not come out of my mouth.

"Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." -Jesus {Matthew 12:34}
These kinds of words, when allowed to escape, are a symptom of a much larger problem. When I think that I deserve to say these kinds of things because (somebody hurt my feelings; someone has wronged me, I feel that I am owed something, etc), I am making a very wrong assumption that I'm entitled to execute judgement or justice on that person.

And those are awfully big words to be coming out of my mouth. With a very inflated heart attitude behind them.

When pondering my place before an almighty God, I realize that I am not more powerful, more entitled, more worthy, more justified than anyone else on the planet. I am a sinner. I have no right to be speaking those kind of words.

I sometimes (daily) overestimate the size of my mouth and my heart attitude. I lose my cool with my girls; I argue with my husband over small matters; I mutter under my breath at the grocery store when there are slower people in front of me or stopped right in the middle of the aisle and seem to need to read every single label on both sides before moving on. I am continually seeking forgiveness for the things that I let come out of my mouth and am working to discipline my tongue to speak only kind and wise words. James 3 is a great place to start if you want to know just how hard it is to use our mouths for God's glory by exercising self-control in that area; so is the entire book of Proverbs.

When overestimating the size of my mouth and my importance, I will find myself frustrated, like Hannah, because things do not fit the way I thought they would. I need to speak wisdom and kindness into the lives of my husband, children, friends, and everyone I meet! In matters where I've been hurt by someone's words or actions - I need to bring the hurt to the Lord and let Him take care of the matter. No comment, no hurt is so deep that Jesus cannot heal me completely.

We need to stop using ugly words. Stop airing bitterness and family politics on Facebook/Twitter/etc. Stop talking about people behind their backs. Stop snapping at our kids and our spouses. Stop complaining about people and situations that bother us. Stop mocking people who are different than we are. We need to delve into the Word of God to come up with a better solution for each of these scenarios. God's Word does not fail. And we will find, as we estimate rightly the size of our mouths and what our heart's attitudes should be that life will be less frustrating.

"[A virtuous wife] opens her mouth with wisdom, 
and on her tongue is the law of kindness. [Proverbs 31:26]

Growing in wisdom & kindness,
for His glory~

~Lisha

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