You just don't understand!

Photos from E's surgery 11/2012

A phone call came today.

It was supposed to bring relief and hope. Confirmation of good news and the fresh start for my daughter.

...but in just a few seconds, it deflated my spirit. It was not the news we had hoped for. I wept bitterly and had to run to my bedroom at the back of the house so the girls wouldn't see me clench my fists while my tears rolled off of my cheeks. And before I knew it, these words escaped out from under my breath:

God...You...just...don't...understand. We have walked through so much this year. These past few years. I was led to believe that this phone call would bring a break. A chance to breathe a little. 

And I cried. While the girls were oblivious and contentedly playing the piano in the den, I cried. Then, when I'd thrown my pity party, I sat quietly.

Then came a firm but gentle reminder:

You can say a great many things in times of discouragement and trouble, My child, but you may not say that I do not understand what you are going through.

And a long silence. The sting of conviction. The shock of what just was spoken in haste. The terror of accusing God that He is not compassionate or wise.


A confession: I know, Lord. Forgive me.


He does understand. Oh, He understands exactly. He understands even better than I do. Because He's been with me for all of it. He brought to mind a flood of verses:

Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
{Hebrews 4:14-16}

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
{Psalm 23:4}

Be strong and of good courage, and do it; do not fear nor be dismayed, for the Lord God—my God—will be with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you, until you have finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord...
{1 Chronicles 28:20}

Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
{Isaiah 41:10}

“Because he has set his love upon Me,
therefore I will deliver him;
I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him,
and show him My salvation.”
{Psalm 91:14-16}

*This was this morning's reading with my daughters.
Before I knew what the day would bring*
Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?

So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.
{Matthew 6:25-33}

...and this song. He asked me to cry out, that He would be my hiding place. Not to run from Him in confusion, but run to Him and find shelter in His love and protection. So that I can teach my little girls to do the same as this path unfolds before us.

Last week, I shared a bit of my current bout of spiritual apathy, and then Sunday I shared how God had kindled hope in my soul and sparked feeling in my heart once more. Today, He has me back in a familiar place: totally dependent, desperate to know Him more and cling to Him. It's not wrapped in the sparkly gift bag of joy and happiness that I wished for, but He has given me a merciful gift by rousing me suddenly from my I-don't-care attitude.

My little girl has a longer road on this journey than we thought. And His grace, which has sustained us thus far, will continue. This moment, tomorrow, and forever. Even when I am so quick to forget and go into panic mode.

So, if you need us anytime soon, we'll be in hiding. Under the shadow of the Almighty. If you are going through a hard time right now, you should come hide, too.

Hiding in Him tonight,
for His glory!
~Lisha

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Get back up!

My two older daughters are now the ecstatic owners of their very first bicycles. (Thank you Papa & Gigi for the bicycles and Grampy & Grammy for the helmets!)

Abby and her new bike!

Their excitement was put on hold for a bit, when they were faced with the reality of how much work goes into learning how to ride.

...and how much it hurts to fall down.

...and how much it takes to keep getting back up every time, get back on, and try again.

They are still really excited - don't get me wrong! As soon as their school work is complete (who am I kidding? Pretty much right after breakfast is done, really), they are begging to get their helmets on and get back out on their bikes. They are motivated to learn. The end goal (riding with no training wheels!) is just TOO appealing to not keep at the task. Even if it means learning how to ride, and learning how to fall and get back up.

Elizabeth & her new bike!

Do you ever get the sense that the Lord is specifically speaking TO you when He is speaking through you to your children?! That's how He gets some of His most significant messages across to me, it seems. More than once today, I had to remind my girls that learning to ride is hard; that it takes practice; and that trying to ride means learning to fall and get back up again - but the reward will be worth it.


Life. There's a lot of work that goes into learning how to live.

...and it hurts to fall down.

...and it takes so much to keep getting back up every time, and get back into it, and try again.

but!

Knowing that eternity with Jesus awaits, the end goal is just TOO appealing to not keep at the task.

Even if it means learning how to live, and learning how to fall and get back up.

************************
And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. [Galatians 6:9]

My soul still remembers

and sinks within me.

This I recall to my mind,

therefore I have hope.

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,

because His compassions fail not.

They are new every morning;

great is Your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,

“Therefore I hope in Him!”

[Lamentations 3:20-24]

Getting back up and trying again every day,

for His glory!

~Lisha

I may be sharing this post at the following Link-up parties!

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How to Deal with the Fools in Your Life!!

Does anyone in particular come to mind as you read the title of this post?

www.reviveourhearts.com

This is so timely in my life, and was utterly convicting and heartily encouraging at the same time. If you have people in your life who tend to act or speak foolishly, please take the time to listen to this 6-part series (and be ready to be challenged that you are not the one who is a fool!). God used this to show me where I tend to act foolishly!

Abigail: How to Deal with the Fools in Your Life

by Revive Our Hearts Ministries

Part 1: Caught in the Middle

Part 2: Are You Approachable?

Part 3: Diffusing the Situation

Part 4: A Soft Answer

Part 5: A Happy Ending?

Part 6: Death Brings Life

I am praying that this series is as much a help to you as it was to me!

Seeking His wisdom in all things,

for His glory!

~Lisha

*I recently posted another ROH series, Blessed are the Meek! - but don't listen to it unless you want your heart to be changed. :)

I'm sharing this post over at A Proverbs 31 Wife, Yes, They're All Ours, Growing Home, Teaching What is Good, The Time-Warp Wife, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home, Raising Homemakers, Deep Roots at Home, Walking Redeemed, Hope In Every Season, Serving Joyfully, I Choose Joy & Simply Helping Him!

[If this post has encourage, inspired, or blessed you, please leave a comment or share it with friends!]

Love... [part I]

Our wedding rings have "1 Corinthians 13:4-8" engraved
on the inside. After 9 years, I'm finally learning how to live
like I believe those verses are true.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

[1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NKJV]

Love suffers long.

In order words, love is patient.

I am not patient, as a rule. And what a conviction to be under -

when I am not being patient, I am NOT being loving.

Don't get me wrong. I can put on a patient face. I'm not usually the mom who hollers in public. I'm not the customer who speaks up when service isn't fast or good enough. I'm generally not the wife who argues with her husband when other people are around. But in my heart, I'm tapping my feet nervously. I've got my GrumpyCat attitude on. I'm rolling the eyes of my heart, and thinking that I don't deserve these things. People have told me that I always appear patient. But the Lord is tearing down that altar of "appearance" that I tend to lay myself on every day, and is continually pointing out that He is more concerned with the attitude of my heart then that expression on my face. 

God's been teaching me a lot about what He means when He says that love is patient. With Will, with the girls, with friends and family and church members and everyone else on planet earth. He's revealed that when I get squeezed - when I find myself in a painful or uncomfortable circumstance - it's not patience that comes out. It's bitterness and a sense of injustice. And because He wants me to be more like Jesus, He is patient with me - oh, He is the perfect example of patience! and I need to remember that as I do my best to love others the way He does!

I'm letting Him show me how to be more patient. Mostly, by praising Him over and over for His great forbearance with me and by writing down the verses that I find about patience, and working on memorizing them - and then doing my best to choose patience when something arises (...and extending patience to myself when I blow it).

For instance:

-when the Lord does not answer a prayer as quickly as I'd like (even if that means it might take years, or that He'll answer in a different way than I wanted!)

-when something (big or small) happens to throw MY schedule & plans for the day.

-when Will says he'll get around to something but then doesn't do it as quickly as I'd like.

-when E just. can't. get. her. math. facts.

-when A interrupts me for the tenth time because she is just SO excited to share something neat.

-when H disobeys the same request three or four times.

-when spills, accidents, messes, falls, and/or spontaneous creativity happen at our house. all within a few hours of each other. daily.

-when a cashier is new on the job and doesn't quite remember what to do. or if they are not new on the job, and are just having a crummy day themselves.

-when I get "stuck" behind a car that's traveling well below the speed limit.

-whenever I start to focus on anyone else's sinful behavior.

-when people in my life don't do things the way I think they should, or

-when people don't see things the way I do.

Ugh! When I take the time to think about how proud and rude and arrogant and selfish impatience is, it makes me cling to Jesus all the more and bury my face & heart in His Word to see what pure patience is and how it acts. It makes me realize that I can do nothing apart from Him - not even be truly patient with others, because my heart attitude is wrong. If I put the needs and desires of others, and God's glory, in front of my own plans and wishes, there will be a proper attitude of humility that results in loving forbearance toward every other person I know and meet.

Verses I turn to:

The end of a thing is better than its beginning;

the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.

Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry,

for anger rests in the bosom of fools.

[Eccelsiastes 7:8-9]

Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.

[Romans 12:10-13]

The Lord is gracious and full of compassion,

slow to anger and great in mercy.

The Lord is good to all, 

and His tender mercies are over all His works.

[Psalm 145:8-9]

By long forbearance a ruler is persuaded, 

and a gentle tongue breaks a bone.

[Proverbs 25:15]

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 

[Ephesians 4:1-3]

And do you think this, O man, you who judge those practicing such things, and doing the same, that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?

[Romans 2:3-4]

Now may the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the patience of Christ.

[2 Thessalonians 3:5]

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

[Galatians 5:22-23]

Love suffers long. And if I want to truly love like Jesus, I must be willing to suffer long too!

When is it most difficult for you to be patient? Do you have a verse you turn to when you need help remembering to be patient (and would you share it)?

Praising God for His example of patience,

for His glory!

~Lisha

Click here for Part II: Love is kind!
Click here for Part III: Love does not envy!

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